Samurai Pizza Cats: New Millenium
by Guido Cerviche
Summary: Hard to summerize the entire series since each episode is also a stand-alone story, but basically it's about how everyone's life changes after the comet. Currently On-Hold, but am in the process of resuming work on new episodes!
1. Honeymoon on Prisoner's Island

Author's Note: The New Millenium series starts about a year after the Samurai Pizza Cats finale, The Great Comet Caper. During that time, as you will see, a number of changes have occurred for the cats. These changes are only the first of many. This author's note details some of the events that occurred before the start of this series.   
  
I have also several fanfics dealing with these events, but these fics were written a while ago and in my opinion are not very good, and thus I am not posting them on Fanfic.net. However, these fics are availible on my website The SPC Memorial Shrine (address below) if, for some odd reason, you wish to read them. You can find them under the title The New Adventures of the Samurai Pizza Cats. The last fic, titled Chasing Forever, deals with Speedy and Polly's marriage and in my opinion is the best of the bunch.   
  
Ok. Enough ranting, on with the prologue.  
  
After the Comet: Jerry Atric, fearing reprisal from Princess Vi because of the comet incident, leaves Little Tokyo with Big Cheese on a raft bound for the USA. Speedy and Polly have declared their feelings for each other and are going steady. With Speedy out of the way, Guido quickly wins over Lucille and ends up in his first long term relationship in a long time. Bad Bird, now calling himself Good Bird or GB for short, is also going steady with his girlfriend Carla and is working with the Pizza Cats full time.  
  
1-3 weeks later: Though still out at sea, Big Cheese and Jerry manage to contact mobster "Fat Bunny" Costanza and convince him to take Cheese's place as Prime Minister. It isn't long before Costanza begins abusing his power the way Cheese did, however Costanza uses his own vast resources to fund his schemes rather than the royal treasury. In helping the Pzza Cats thwart these schemes, GB fights with them for the first time and prooves he has truly reformed.  
  
3 months: Speedy's genius brother Scott shows up at the Pizza Cat, looking for work. His employment at the Pizza Cat is short lived, however, once he meets fellow inventor Guru Lou. Soon after this meeting, Scott leaves the parlor to become Guru Lou's lab assistant.  
  
7 months: The Pizza Cats decide they need a vacation and travel to the western United States where they meet an old friend, NYC Pizza Cat the Sundance Kid who is also on vacation. While there, Speedy reveals to GB and Guido that he's thinking of asking Polly to marry him. When they return to Little Tokyo, Lucille introduces them to her sister Josie and GB proposes to Carla who joyously accepts.  
  
11 months: Count Damien Orlock arrives in Little Tokyo and attempts to make the town's citizens into his slaves. The Pizza Cats thwart him, but the vampire bat Count escapes vowing revenge. After defeating the Count, Speedy confides to Guido that he has decided to propose to Polly.  
  
1 year: Just before a special festival celibrating the 1 year anniversery of the Great Comet Caper, Empress Fredia's sister Julie returns to Little Tokyo to take command of the Little Tokyo Police Department. At the festival Speedy bites the bullet and proposes to Polly. She accepts, and it is decided that since GB and Carla's wedding is coming up that both couples will have a joint wedding. Princess Vi, angry that both of the guys she likes are getting married to someone other than her, makes a desperate alliance with Fat Bunny to ruin the weddings. The ploy backfires and Vi is almost injured in the attack, but she is saved by Bat Cat whom she then develops a crush on. The ceremony is then interupted a second time by the arrival of Polly's father, who was not expected to show since he did not approve of Speedy. Speedy and Polly are sentenced to Prisoner's Island by Princess Vi, but gladly accept their sentence since they know about the secret tropical paradise built on the island.  
  
This fanfic takes place sometime after the wedding, as Speedy's and Polly's honeymoon draws to a close.  
  
  
Samurai Pizza Cats: New Millenium  
  
  
Episode 1: Honeymoon on Prisoner's Island  
  
Written By Guido Cerviche  
  
Rated PG-13  
  
[Cue Opening Sequence]  
  
[Fade out on the title screen. The show opens with an overhead shot of the spooky side of Prisoner's   
Island. The camera focuses on that side for a while, before switching to the tropical resort side. It's   
nighttime, but the island is still hopping. The song Jamming by Bob Marley and the Wailers is playing.   
Pan around the crowds until we come to a familiar couple going for a night swim at the beach. It's none   
other than Speedy and Polly Esther Cerviche.]  
  
Polly [laughing]: Face it Speedy, you're too slow! You can't catch me!  
  
Speedy: Oh really?   
  
[He ducks under water and swims towards her. As he closes in he begins humming the Jaws theme.   
Polly's looking around trying to spot him. Suddenly she screams and disappears under the water. A few   
seconds later, they both emerge.]  
  
Polly [playfully]: You sneaky little creep!  
  
[Speedy grins mischievously and lunges for her. Suddenly they hear a voice from the shore.]  
  
Zeppo Quax: Hey guys? It's getting kind of dark out. Maybe you should come on back to shore.  
  
Speedy: Thanks Zeppo! We'll be right there.  
  
[The two of them swim to shore, still playing, and walk towards their villa. Cut to outside their room, later   
that night. We see the DO NOT DISTURB sign on their door. Inside they are both fast asleep. Speedy's   
arm is draped over Polly's chest, and his face is buried in his pillow. Her face is contorted in pain, and she   
is sweating.]   
  
[Cut to her dream. Big Cheese is attacking the Pizza Parlor with his latest hi-tech robot. But, for some   
reason, she and the others are not in their armor. Suddenly, the robot is attacked by a team of five cats in   
Pizza Cat armor! They look very similar to the original Pizza Cat team, but they are even younger than   
when Polly and the others started out! Suddenly, Polly finds herself grabbed by the robot. The leader of   
the team turns toward her as she screams. He looks exactly like a younger version of Speedy, and is even   
wearing Speedy's armor! He shouts something she can't quite hear, and leaps at the robot. Just before his   
sword slices the arm that grabbed Polly, she wakes up. Gasping for breath, she looks around and realizes   
she's still at the villa, on her honeymoon. She looks over at Speedy, and is thankful she didn't wake him   
up. Already she has forgotten the dream, remembering only that it was strange. Leaning her head against   
the pillow she soon falls back into a peaceful and restful sleep.]  
  
[The next morning she wakes up and realizes Speedy is not in bed. Looking around, she is surprised to find   
him in the kitchen.]  
  
Polly [confused]: What are you doing up?  
  
Speedy: Well, you looked so peaceful sleeping that I didn't want to wake you up. So, since I was hungry I   
made us breakfast.  
  
Polly: Why, thank you! What did you make?  
  
Speedy: For me: a Tuna, Halibut and Monterey Jack omelet. And for you, your favorite: Chocolate Chip   
Pancakes.  
  
Polly [pleasantly surprised]: Wow! Thanks, but- [confused again] I don't remember telling you they were   
my favorite. How did you know?  
  
Speedy [grinning]: Did I mention you talk in your sleep?  
  
[Polly is slightly embarrassed and blushes. Quietly she begins to eat her pancakes. Cut to a small hut,   
miles away from Speedy and Polly's villa. Inside we see a few crows playing some musical instruments.   
It's none other than the Rude Noise, who are busy jamming in preparation for recording their next album.]  
  
Mojo Rojo [frustrated]: Max, do you realize how long it's been since we've been in the studio?  
  
Bad Max: That's the point Mojo. If we don't put out another album soon, we'll be forgotten. And we need   
this job, considering our villains-for-hire business is kind of shot.  
  
Ronny Guiseborn: Why? Just because of that defeat during the comet incident?  
  
Bad Max: We weren't just defeated. We were massacred! The cats clobbered us and foiled Cheese's plan,   
just like always.  
  
Ronny: So what? The comet was a boneheaded plan anyway. In case you forgot, we would've been   
squashed by the comet too if the Pizza Cats hadn't succeeded. Besides, we did a number on the babe and   
the blue guy.  
  
Bad Max: Never-the-less, the Comet was our last chance and we blew it. So we better start polishing up on   
our instruments, because it's doubtful that anyone is going to hire us after that-  
  
[Max is interrupted by the telephone. He picks it up. His eyes grow wide when he hears who it is.]  
  
Bad Max: Cheese! What a pleasant surprise. [pause] Uh, huh. [pause] Uh, huh. [pause] No kidding, those   
two? I always thought she'd go for Guido. [pause] Uh huh. [pause] Here on Prisoner's Island? And you   
want us to deal with them? For how much. [His eyes grow wider.] Wow! Consider it done, boss!  
  
Cannonball Batalay: I thought you said he'd never hire us again.  
  
Bad Max: Shut yer trap! Boys, I've got good news. Speedy and Polly are here on Prisoner's Island.  
  
Rojo: What? Why?  
  
Bad Max: They're here on their honeymoon. Isn't that sweet?  
  
Ronny: I take it Cheese didn't just call to tell us so we could take over a housewarming present.  
  
Bad Max: Indeed.  
  
[The crows grin evilly. Cut to outside Speedy and Polly's villa. Groucho Quax walks up to the door and   
knocks. After about a minute, when no one has shown up, he knocks again. After knocking a third time,   
Speedy answers the door. He is not wearing his helmet, and his light brown hair is very messed up. In fact   
the only thing he has on are his boxer shorts, which are white with a red waistband and cuffs. Groucho   
gives him the once over and grins lopsidedly.]  
  
Groucho: Polishing the ol' Ginzu, Cerviche?  
  
Speedy [annoyed]: Shut up, funnyman. What do you want?  
  
Groucho: I came by to ask if you and your lovely wife might be interested in coming by the Mario & Bros.   
Club later. We're doing our act tonight. Plus they have delicious Italian food. [Tries to peek his head   
around the door.] That is, if the two of your aren't… busy.  
  
Speedy [blocking his view]: No, not at all. We'll be there. [pauses for a moment, then clears his throat.]   
Are you finished?  
  
Groucho: Oh, yes. Indeed. [turns to leave, but turns back, grinning] Is Polly available? I'd love to say hi.  
  
Speedy [sharply]: No. Now please leave!  
  
[Groucho puts his hands up in self-defense. As he walks away he tips his hat to Speedy. Speedy shakes his   
head and walks back into the room. He looks at the bed in confusion, for Polly is not there.]  
  
Speedy: Polly?  
  
Polly [voice coming from the bathroom, the door to which is open]: I'm in here, Speedy! Who was that?  
  
Speedy [making his way towards the bathroom]: That was Groucho. He came by to invite us to Mario &   
Brothers later tonight. He and his brothers will be doing their act.  
  
Polly [jokingly]: And that's an incentive for us to go?  
  
Speedy: Actually, I thought it was very nice of him too- [stops dead as he reaches the door. Polly is in the   
heart shaped Jacuzzi in their bathroom.] Polly, what are you doing?  
  
Polly: I've been dying to try this thing out all day. Is there something wrong with that?  
  
Speedy: I guess not, but I thought we were going to… [blushes] well, you know…  
  
Polly [grinning]: Sorry kiddo. Tell you what. [Cut to a shot from behind Polly. She rises out of the   
Jacuzzi. We can see from her back that she didn't bother with the bathing suit.] If you want you can keep   
me company.  
  
[Close up on Speedy, who gulps. Cut to the front desk of the resort. The clerk, who resembles Guru Lou   
without the glasses, and in a Hawaiian shirt, is reading an issue of Catsmopolitan. The Rude Noise walks   
up to him, dressed in electrician uniforms. After a few minutes, Max clears his throat. The clerk looks up   
and quickly puts down the mag.]  
  
Clerk: May I help you gentlemen?  
  
Bad Max: Hello sir. The manager called us earlier, about a problem with the intercom.  
  
Clerk: We don't have an intercom- [The clerk starts to say before Ronny chucks a gas bomb at him. In   
seconds he is out like a light.]  
  
Ronny: The cradle has been rocked.  
  
Bad Max: Great. You and Mojo stand guard. I'll make sure sleeping beauty doesn't wake up. Cannonball,   
you bug the phones.  
  
Cannonball: Roger.  
  
Max: Great. All we have to do now is wait for the happy couple to order room service. Then we ambush   
them in their own room, and the next thing you know it's " 'till death do they part."  
  
[Max grins evilly. Cut back to Speedy and Polly's room. They are still in the Jacuzzi, making out.   
Suddenly the phone on the wall by the tub rings. Despite Polly's objections, Speedy answers it.]  
  
Speedy: Hello?  
  
Guido [on the other end of the phone]: Hey, Speedy! It's me.  
  
Speedy: Can I get back to you, Guido?  
  
Guido: Why did I call at a bad time?  
  
Speedy: Yes. As a matter of fact, you happen to be interrupting what is hopefully a pre-coital activity.   
  
[Polly overhears this and smacks him playfully in the back of the head.]  
  
Speedy [rubbing his head]: Ow.  
  
Guido (amused): I take it the earth is moving then?  
  
Speedy: 9.5 on the Richter Scale.  
  
Guido: Way to go! [pauses for a moment, and then is serious] Ok, what time are we supposed to pick you   
two up at the harbor?  
  
Speedy: Is that why you called? We won't be coming back for another week. Besides, at this rate, Polly   
and I might decide to stay here forever.  
  
Polly: That sounds like a great idea.  
  
Guido: No can do, amigos. Big Al is on to your little scheme. We need to get you back pronto before he   
figures out WHY you got yourselves sent to Prisoner Island.  
  
Speedy: Ok, ok. The boat will be in at 7 p.m. next Wednesday.  
  
Guido: Great.  
  
Speedy: You want to talk to Polly?  
  
Guido: Not right now. I don't want to take time away from your… fun. [Says fun with a slightly smug   
tone.] So are you guys going out tonight, or is it just more of the same?  
  
Speedy: Actually, the Quax Brothers are performing at Mario & Brothers, and Groucho Quax invited us to   
see them.  
  
Guido: Cool. So, I'll see you next Wednesday.  
  
Speedy: Yeah. Tell Fran and Lucille I said hi.  
  
Guido: I will. Bye.  
  
Speedy: Bye. [hangs up the phone and turns to Polly] Now where were we?  
  
[He kisses her again. Cut to the Rude Noise's hideout. They had just listened in on the conversation.]  
  
Bad Max: This is even better! We can nab them at that club tonight. Speedy and Polly wouldn't dare put   
up a fight if there's a crowd of innocent people around them.  
  
Mojo: They won't be able to if they tried.  
  
Ronny: Why is that?  
  
[Mojo holds up a copy of the Prisoner Island Inquirer w/ the headline, PRINCESS'S DECREE SPELLS   
BOOM FOR ISLAND ECONONMY.]  
  
Mojo: The Princess decided that the so-called "prisoners" can only take bare essentials with them to the   
island. That means no weapons or armor.  
  
Bad Max: This is too easy. I almost feel sorry for those two.  
  
[His bandmates look at him strangely. Soon they realize what he said and nod in agreement.]  
  
The Rude Noise: Almost.  
  
[Cut to the Mario & Brothers Club. People are laughing as Harpo Quax chases a girl back and forth across   
the stage. When both he and the girl are finally off stage, Groucho turns to Chico shaking his head. {The following bit is originally from the Marx Brothers' movie Coconuts}]  
  
Groucho: Well that's it. From now on I don't want your red headed friend running around in the lobby of   
this hotel. If you want to keep him up in your room, you'll need to put him in a cage.  
  
Chico: Can't catch him.  
  
Groucho: Who is he anyway?  
  
Chico: That'sa my partner, but he no speak.  
  
Groucho: Oh, he's your silent partner. [pause] Listen, you asked me about buying property so I want to   
talk to you about that. Now I have three properties I'm willing to sell to you. They cost me 9,000 but I'll   
let you have them for 15,000 cause-  
  
Chico: Ohhh, no wait. I can'ta buy them, I gota no money.  
  
Groucho: You gota no money? [Chico shakes his head] Then how're you gonna pay for your room?  
  
Chico: That'sa your problem.  
  
Groucho: Oh, I see. You're just an idle roomer. Well, I've got a way you can make some real money. I'm   
having an auction later, and- wait you know what an auction is, don't you?  
  
Chico: Sure. I came from Italy over the Atlantic Auction.  
  
Groucho [pauses and looks at him funny]: Well, let's continue as if nothing happened. I said I'm holding   
an auction later at Coconut Beach, and what I want you to do is mingle with the crowd. When the auction   
starts I want you to bid up the lots. You do know what a lot is, don't you?  
  
Chico: That'sa too much.  
  
Groucho: No, I'm not talking about a whole lot, just a little lot with nothing on it.  
  
Chico: Anytime you got too much, you got a whole lot.  
  
Groucho [rubs his forehead in frustration]: How is it you never got double pneumonia?  
  
Chico: I go around by myself.  
  
Groucho [pauses, then shakes his head]: Anywho, this is what I want you to do. If someone says 100, you   
say 200. If someone says 200, you say 300.  
  
Chico: Yeah, I got it.  
  
Groucho: Ok, great. Now these are the lots [gestures to a blueprint]. The lots all lie within this 3 mile   
radius. [looks hopeful] Is there a remote possibility you know what radius means?  
  
Chico: That's a station lika WSPC.  
  
Groucho [shakes his head]: The next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. [gestures back to the   
map] Now look, this is Coconut Manor. No matter what you say, this is Coconut Manor. The swamp is   
Coconut Heights, and right here where the road forks, that's Coconut Junction.  
  
Chico: Where's Coconut Custard?  
  
Groucho [rubbing his forehead]: That's on one of the forks. You probably eat with your knife, so don't   
worry about it. [points to another spot on the map] Ok, this here is the riverfront. And all across the   
riverfront here, those are all levies.  
  
Chico: That's the Jewish neighborhood?  
  
Groucho [looking exasperated]: Ok, we'll Passover that. [Gestures again to the map.] This is the road   
leaving Coconut Beach. That's the road I wish you were on. [Points to yet another spot] Now, here is a   
little peninsula, and here is a viaduct leading over to the mainland.  
  
Chico: Why a duck?  
  
Groucho: I'm fine, how are you? I said here is a little peninsula, and here is a viaduct leading over to the   
mainland.  
  
Chico: Why a duck? Whya no chicken?  
  
Groucho: It's deep water that's why. Suppose you were riding a horse, and you got there and wanted to   
ford over. You couldn't, it would be too deep.  
  
Chico: Why do you wanna Ford when you gotta a horse?  
  
Groucho: I'm sorry the matter ever came up. Why don't I take you over to the cemetery? I've got a list of   
50 people just dying to get in to that cemetery, but I like you. I like you so much I'm gonna throw you in   
ahead of all of them.  
  
Chico: You do that for me?  
  
Groucho: Yes, I'm going to see to it that you get a steady position. And if I can arrange it, it'll be   
horizontal.  
  
[Before Chico can answer with still another tired joke, a loud explosion is heard from the side of the club.   
A gaping hole has appeared in the wall. Through the hole walk the Rude Noise.]  
  
Bad Max: All right people listen up! We're putting the kibosh on this antiquated entertainment, to bring to   
you our Greatest Hits Tour.  
  
Polly [angry]: I don't believe it!  
  
Speedy [running up to fight the Rude Noise]: The Rude Noise! What are you guys doing here?  
  
Bad Max: Cheese gave us a call. Told us you and your new wife were rocking the casba up here, and   
offered us mucho money to eliminate the two of you.  
  
Ronny: Are you lovebirds going to come along quietly, or do we have to start hurting bystanders?  
  
Speedy [enraged]: You bastards!   
  
[He attempts to unsheathe his sword, only to realize he doesn't have it. Max grins at him evilly and grabs   
him in a chokehold. He then tosses Speedy clear across the room. Speedy slams face first into the table he   
and Polly were sitting at. Polly screams.]  
  
Bad Max: Everything is under control, people. As long as the cats come with us, no one will get hurt.  
  
Zeppo: Don't listen to them, guys!  
  
Chico: Zeppo's a-right. You two goin' wita them isa like killin youselves!  
  
Groucho: You mean suicide.  
  
Chico: Hey boss, dis a no time for sewer jokes.  
  
Bad Max: Shut up! The cats are coming with us, and that's final.  
  
Speedy [wiping Alfredo sauce off of his face]: Come on, Polly. This is the only way we can keep these   
people from getting hurt.  
  
[Angrily, the two cats march over to the crows and leave with them. Cut to the large skull shaped rock that   
sits atop Prisoner's Island. The Rude Noise have taken Speedy and Polly there. The two cats are now tied   
together, facing each other, and are perched at the edge of the rock.]  
  
Speedy: So this is it? This is how you plan to eliminate us? Isn't this kind of crude and honorless?  
  
Bad Max: I'm not really thinking about honor right now. I'm thinking of the 2 million dollars Cheese is   
paying me and my boys to get rid of you.  
  
Polly: 2 Million?! Where did he get that much money?  
  
Bad Max: Good question. One which you'll never know the answer to.  
  
[With that he pushes them off the rock. As they rush towards the jungle floor, Speedy sees a vine attached   
to a tree draped over a branch hanging off the cliff. Miraculously, he manages to get his hand free enough   
to grab it and swings through the jungle. Polly lets out a Tarzan-esque yell, as they hurtle through the trees.   
Eventually her yell turns into a scream as she sees where they are headed.]  
  
Polly [screaming]: SPEEDY, LOOK OUT!  
  
[Speedy looks ahead and notices they are headed straight for a tree. He has no time to react before they   
smack into the giant trunk. After a moment, they fall from the imprint they left in the tree and collapse on   
the ground, unconscious.]  
  
[After an indeterminate amount of time they wake up.]  
  
Polly [sleepily]: Oh, my god. I can't remember when I've had a worse headache.  
  
Speedy [groggily]: The third day of our honeymoon.  
  
Polly: Oh yeah. The morning after the $12 margaritas. Felt like my brains had been bashed in by a slice of   
lime wrapped around a gold brick.  
  
Speedy: That sounds familiar. Yeah, the rest of that night is still a blur. We didn't get out of bed until   
6:30 the next night.  
  
Polly: I know. [A sudden realization dawns] Speedy, we're still tied up.  
  
Speedy: Not only that, but I have no idea where we are.  
  
Polly: Me neither. Come on, let's get loose and then figure out where we are.  
  
Speedy [squirming]: Good idea. I think the knot is by you.  
  
Polly [same]: I can feel it, but I can't reach it. Can you get your hand looser?  
  
Speedy [same]: I think so… Yes! It's free.  
  
Polly: Excellent. Ok, grab the knot and push it up to my hand.  
  
Speedy: Ok… Done.  
  
[Polly unsheathes her claws and scratches at the knot. In seconds the knot is reduced to shreds. They give   
a cheer as the ropes sag loosely off them.]  
  
Polly: Uh, Speedy? You can get off me now.  
  
Speedy [coyly]: You know, getting tied to you was kind of a turn on. I mean here we are, all alone in the   
forest, no one has the slightest idea where we are…  
  
[Polly smiles at him and kisses him. Then suddenly she tosses him off.]  
  
Polly: Later you little hentai. First we have to figure out where we are.  
  
Speedy [sitting up] (disappointed): Alright, where are we?  
  
Polly: Probably somewhere on the side of Prisoner's Island that faces Little Tokyo.  
  
Speedy [flopping back on the ground] (sarcastically): Well that's a lot of help. Any idea how far away we   
are from civilization?  
  
Polly [glaring at him slightly]: No, not really. It could be weeks.  
  
Speedy (sarcastic): Perfect. Here's an idea: why don't we just camp out on the beach and wait for our   
"Rescue Boat" to actually rescue us?  
  
Polly: We need to make sure Cheese knows we're still alive. If he gets news from the Rude Noise that   
we've been aced, he'll probably launch a sneak attack against Little Tokyo. The others won't be prepared for   
him.  
  
Speedy: And Cheese will finally take over. You're right, we can't let that happen.  
  
Polly [quiet anger]: Besides, I want revenge against the Rude Noise.  
  
Speedy [clear his throat]: Pol, I'm as angry about this as you are, but you seem to be forgetting three very   
important facts. One- We don't have weapons, Two- We don't have armor, and Three- They out number   
us 2-1.  
  
Polly: But they think we're dead.  
  
Speedy: I still don't like our odds.  
  
Polly: Ok, we'll figure it out when we get back to the resort. In the meantime, let's just get moving.  
  
Speedy: Good idea. [sighs] I guess I know who the brains in this relationship is.  
  
Polly [grinning and poking him in the chest]: And don't you forget it.  
  
[They turn and begin hiking towards the resort. Several hours later, they are still trying to get through the   
dense foliage. Their clothes are now dirty and tattered, and they are drenched in sweat.]  
  
Polly: Hot day today, isn't it?  
  
Speedy [slow boil]: It's hot every day. Except today we're not in an air-conditioned room or a cool   
refreshing ocean or pool. We're in this forest, which I think should technically be considered a jungle, and   
we're hiking through miles and miles of it, trying to get back to our air-conditioned rooms and cool   
refreshing pools and oceans, all because OF THE RUDE NOISE! [screams in rage] AAAHHHHHH!  
  
Polly [staring at him, with her hands on her hips]: I guess that revenge bit is starting to look good, right   
about now?  
  
Speedy: Ooh hoo hoo, yeah! [Looks startled as his ears perk up.]  
  
Polly [whispering]: What is it?  
  
Speedy [meekly]: I have… a bad feeling.  
  
[Polly suddenly looks startled too, and her ears pick up.]  
  
Polly [nervous]: Y-yeah. Me too.  
  
[They stand perfectly still. We finally here the sound, a low growling sound. It slowly gets louder and   
more threatening. Suddenly it stops.]  
  
Speedy [relieved]: Heh. Probably some wild animal catching it's dinner.  
  
Polly [same]: I guess you're right.  
  
[She turns around and screams at the sharp spear that is now pointed at her chest. A pack of wolves   
dressed in animal skins and loincloths have surrounded them. They look rather unkempt, but not overly   
disgusting. Some seem about as old as Speedy and Polly, give or take 2-5 years. Most, however, seem at   
least 10 or 20 years older. Leading the pack was an elderly, but powerful looking, alpha wolf.]  
  
Speedy [trying to keep cool]: How… do you do? We tourists. Get lost in jungle, now try find way to   
resort. You savvy?  
  
Alpha Wolf: Are you some kind of idiot? We speak perfect English.  
  
Speedy [surprised]: I'm sorry, I had no idea. I guess… I just assumed… from your appearance and…   
[giving up] Uh Polly, do you want to try talking to them?  
  
Polly [steps up]: Could you put your weapons away? We mean you no harm.  
  
Alpha Wolf: I'm sorry, but you have intruded upon our land and as such you are our prisoners.  
  
Polly: But we didn't know it was your land, besides we were only cutting through it to get to the resort on   
the other side of the island.  
  
Young Male Wolf: Resort on the other side- What is this madness? I say we kill them now.  
  
Alpha Wolf: Lothar, be patient. We must take them back to the camp and judge them first.  
  
Lothar: But sir-  
  
Older Male Wolf: Listen to your Grandfather, Lothar.  
  
[Lothar still looks angry, but says nothing.]  
  
Alpha Wolf: Thank you, Akida. It's nice to know that you still have some control over that [said with   
contempt] lone wolf.  
  
Akida: Thank you, father.  
  
Alpha Wolf [to the others in the pack]: Take them.  
  
[Before Speedy and Polly can even prepare for a fight, two blowdarts whiz out seemingly from nowhere   
and strike them in the necks. Immediately they begin to feel woozy from the powerful drug that coated the   
darts. Speedy staggers towards the Alpha wolf and then pitches forward into the ground. Polly collapses   
beside him.]  
  
Polly [weakly and drowsily]: Speedy…  
  
[Switch to Speedy's point of view, which is spinning slowly, distorting everything he sees as it turns.   
Looking at Polly he sees a drugged, drowsy look on her face. Slowly her eyes close and she drifts off to   
sleep. Speedy tries to call her name out, but his mouth and tongue are no longer working right. It comes   
out as more of a mumbled moan. As the world spins faster, his perception becomes more and more   
distorted. He hears the wolves discussing something, but their voices are indistinct and muffled. Just   
before everything fades to black, they pick him up and carry him deeper into the forest.]  
  
[Commercial Break]  
  
[It is late at night in the forest. The camera has a bird's eye view of the Wolf Pack's camp. Shift to a close   
up of Polly. She wakes up, but is still under the influence of the drug. Cut to her point of view. The rest of   
the world is still spinning distortedly, and the voices are muffled. The wolves seem to be gathered in front   
of them, around a fire. The Alpha Wolf is standing in front of the fire, facing the other wolves. Polly hears   
his voice, but the words seem garbled and indecipherable. Cut to a shot of the gathering.]  
  
Alpha Wolf: We must now come to a discussion. What should we do with the two felines we captured   
earlier today?  
  
Lothar: I say kill them. Their time on the island has clearly driven them insane. If we allow them to live,   
they will surely destroy us all.  
  
[Several younger wolves howled in agreement. Angrily, Lothar's father Akida stood up.]  
  
Akida: We will not destroy two innocent lives just to satisfy your bloodlust, Lothar!  
  
Lothar: It's not for my bloodlust, it is for the good of the Pack! You heard their ravings. The island has   
driven them mad.  
  
Female Wolf: What if it hasn't? What if they speak the truth?  
  
Akida: You think there may really be a vacation resort on the other side of this island, Lupe`?  
  
Lupe`: It's possible. Think of what that could mean. No longer would we be forced to live in the jungle   
like savages. This punishment Princess Vi has forced us to endure would be over.  
  
Akida: Indeed, living here would almost become a blessing.  
  
Lothar: I can't believe you people are falling for this rubbish!  
  
Lupe`: Son, don't you understand? We wouldn't have to live in the woods any more.  
  
Lothar: Don't you understand, mother? The rest of the Pack was already banished when you bore me. The   
woods is all I've known, all many of us have ever known. [gestures to the younger pack members] And we   
will give our LIVES before you take that from us!  
  
[Cheers and howls are heard from the younger members again. The Alpha reestablishes order.]  
  
Alpha Wolf: I terribly sorry Lothar, but I'm afraid us old folk still out number you youngins in the Pack.   
And I do not see how releasing our captives in anyway endangers us. So, unless anyone else objects, the   
felines are to be released as soon as they are able to walk, talk, feed, and relieve themselves under their own   
power. Judgement is passed, meeting adjourned  
  
[The wolves get up and leave. Lothar gathers several of his younger packmates around.]  
  
Lothar [w/ venom]: This is not over.  
  
[The others nod at him. Close up on Polly. She still has a stoned look on her face, and hasn't understood a   
word that was said. Finally her eyes roll up into her head, which hits the floor of the cage moments later.   
Once again, she is out like a light.]  
  
[Cut to next morning. Speedy and Polly are resting peacefully, when Akida cuts the cage down. They are   
jostled awake, but still seem dazed from the drug.]  
  
Akida: Come on, get up. The venom should be waring off soon, and that means you'll probably throw up.   
We don't want you two choking on your own vomit before we let you go.  
  
[Speedy and Polly rise and are led away from the camp. After a few feet Polly stops looking very green.   
Quickly she bends over and, sure enough, vomits. Speedy only makes it a few feet further before he has to   
worship the porcelan god. Polly manages to quickly recover, while Speedy continues to get sick.]  
  
Akida [to Polly]: Feeling better?  
  
Polly [uneasy]: I don't know.  
  
Akida [chuckling]: Your stomach may still be upset. The feeling should pass in an hour or so.  
  
Polly: Ok.  
  
Akida [offering her a bottle of green liquid]: Peppermint extract?  
  
Polly: Does that help your stomach?  
  
Akida: A little, but mostly it freshens your breath. Most people need it after the venom wears off.  
  
[Slightly embarrassed, Polly takes the bottle and takes a few sips. She swishes it around for a while, before   
spitting it out.]  
  
Polly [making a face]: Tastes pretty horrible.  
  
Akida: We don't really have anything to sweeten it with.  
  
[Speedy comes over, finally done puking his guts out.]  
  
Speedy (hoarsly): If you guys capture us again, I'd rather you kill me than use that venom.  
  
Polly: Where the heck did you get that stuff anyway?  
  
Akida: It's secreted from the skin of a tree frog that, as far as we know, only exists here on the island. You   
guys actually got the low dose. In higher doses it can cause hallucinations or even death.  
  
Speedy: So you guys live here in the forest?  
  
Akida: Yes. We once lived as a commune in Little Tokyo. Back there we were known as Gaia's Children.  
  
Polly: I remember hearing about you. I was very fastenated by your sect. I was going to join, but my   
father didn't want me running off with a bunch of "crazy cultists".  
  
Speedy [smiling]: I'm glad he stopped you.  
  
Polly [turning her head from him]: Here. [Hands him the peppermint extract bottle] You need this.  
  
[Speedy frowns and takes a swish.]   
  
Akida: We were very well known. Many thought of us as religious crackpots, but some of the townsfolk   
respected our ways. [As Akida continues his story, Speedy's face turns green and he spits the extract out.]   
But our sect soon crossed paths with Princess Vi.  
  
Polly: What happened?  
  
Akida: Well, the Princess never liked our cult to begin with. Like many others, she was convinced we were   
nuts and wanted us out of Little Tokyo. So, the first chance she had, she banished us to the island.  
  
Speedy: What did you guys do? [pauses] Eh, not to imply you were wrong or anything, but-  
  
Akida: Relax, no offense taken. [pauses for a moment] We got into a… dispute with her over where the   
new palace was to be built. We tried to convince her that the spot chosen was actually a nexus to the spirit   
world, and as such it was sacred to us. That was all the excuse Vi needed to banish us. We'v been hear for   
over five years now.  
  
Polly: That explains why you guys never found the resort. You were banished here before I. Beam even   
finished the palace.  
  
Akida: I. Beam? You mean the architect who built the palace?  
  
Speedy: Yeah. The Princess banished him after the palace was completed. Apparently he and the Princess   
were playing a video game to celebrate the completion of the palace and he accidently won.  
  
Akida: Hmm, I. Beam. Just like him to turn a deserted jungle island into a beach resort.  
  
Speedy: You know the guy?  
  
Akida: I. Beam was actually one of our sympathizers. Before we were banished, he told us he had a few   
ideas for the construction of palace.  
  
Polly: What do you mean?  
  
Akida: Have you ever seen the movie Ghostbusters? [Speedy and Polly nod.] In that movie, the apartment   
building that Sigorney Weaver lived in was built to collect spiritual energy, and allow the elder god access   
to earth.  
  
Speedy: So it could bring about the end of the world. (incredulous) Are you saying Beam did the same   
thing?  
  
Akida: Something similar, but not so malicious in intent. The palace has essentially become a caern, a   
place of extraordinary spiritual power. If anyone knew the rituals needed to tap that power, caern would   
open and the spirit world would be at their disposal.  
  
Polly: But what's the point? The Royal Family obviously has no idea of how to open the caern, and as long   
as it remains closed, the power is sealed, right?  
  
Akida: That's correct. And only Beam would know the rituals to open it. I suspect he planned to open it   
shortly after the palace was completed, to show the Royal Family the truth of our arguments. Vi probably   
banished him before he was able.  
  
Polly [shaking her head]: So now the Royal Family is sitting on top of one of the greatest fonts of spiritual   
energy, and they don't know it. Figures.  
  
Speedy [after a moment of silence]: I'm sorry, I just don't buy it.  
  
Polly: Huh? Why not?  
  
Speedy: Well, for one thing, I don't think that Beam would be able to construct a building like that. Sure,   
he's an architectural genius, but when I talked to him I didn't get any inkling that he had any sort of   
spirituall knowledge.  
  
Akida: Nothing is what it seems. [pauses for a moment] I think it's time for you two to get going. You can   
take these with you for protection. [Hands them some hardened leather armor and a few spears.] Go in   
peace.  
  
[Speedy and Polly take the armor and weapons and leave. Cut to later in the day. They are wearing the   
armor and are still making their way through the jungle. Suddenly, Speedy turns around to see the spear   
that is aimed straight at his head. Screamig he ducks. The younger members of the wolf pack surround   
them.]  
  
Speedy: Oh, geez, not again! I thought we settled this!  
  
Lothar [aiming his spear at him]: You are endangering us and our way of life.  
  
Polly: You can't do this Lothar. Your pack let us go-  
  
Lothar: We are not acting on behalf of the pack now. We are doing this for us. The forest is our home, and   
no outsiders are going to take it away from us.  
  
Speedy: So you guys would rather live in the wilderness than on a tropical paradise? That seems a little…   
strange to me.  
  
Lothar: We don't expect you to understand. We just expect you to die.  
  
[The pack members close in around them. Speedy tosses his spear at a young wolf, who barely dodges.   
Speedy manages to jump kick the wolf in the head, knocking him out. Polly likewise tosses her spear. It   
hits a young female wolf in the stomach, but fortunatly Polly didn't throw it hard enough to cause a fatal   
injury. With two of the six wolves down, they try to make their escape. Unfortunatly, Lothar and another   
young wolf catch them.]  
  
Lothar [holding Polly by the hair]: That was not a smart thing to do. Not only do you not have any   
weapons now, but you have made us very angry.  
  
[He unsheaths a knife and lowers slowly it towards her chest.]  
  
[Commercial Break]  
  
[Close up of Speedy. He shouts and tries to come to Polly's aid, but his captor has him in a full nelson.   
Suddenly, the tension is interrupted by a loud yell.]  
  
Voice [yelling]: SNOOCH TO THE MUTHA-[CENSORED]ING NOOCH!  
  
[Out of nowhere a tall , lanky blond human in a black T-shirt and jean shorts, wearing a do-rag, leaps into   
the air and kicks Lothar right in the chest. Lothar lets go of Polly and the knife and quickly drops to the   
ground. Before anyone can react a shorter, stocky guy body slams the wolf grabbing Speedy. The heavier   
dude is wearing a forest green jacket, another pair of jean shorts, and a backwards baseball cap. Now free   
of the wolves' grasps, Speedy and Polly clobber the remaining attackers by swinging them into each other.   
The wolves get up and leave, making whimpering noises.]  
  
Lothar [clutching his chest]: This isn't over! [runs after his pack mates]  
  
Speedy [rolling his eyes]: Somebody's mother gave him the bottle instead of the teat. [He and Polly turn   
around to see the two humans slapping high five.]  
  
Tall Guy: Ha! Did you see what we just did? We popped their asses! Those overgrown jungle bitches'll   
think twice before [CENSORED] with anyone ever again! [snorts] Snoogans.  
  
Speedy: Uh, hey? Guys? [They turn to him.] Yeah. Uh, thanks for helping us out. Um, who the hell are   
you?  
  
Tall Guy: Oh, yeah. Uh, my name's Jay. Tubby here is my best bud, Silent Bob. If you don't mind me   
asking, who the [CENSORED] are you.  
  
Speedy [trying to ignore Jay's foul mouth]: I'm Speedy Cerviche, and this is my wife, Polly.  
  
[Polly offers Jay her hand. Jay looks her up and down.]  
  
Jay [to Speedy]: Man, she is [CENSORED] hot! Mind if we borrow her?  
  
[Polly's face quickly turns from shock to rage. Her extended hand curls into a fist and she pounds Jay   
through the jungle floor. Silent Bob's face goes white with shock and fear.]  
  
Polly [disgusted w/ Jay]: Go [CENSORED] yourself!  
  
[Polly rejoins Speedy, and they being to walk off. With Silent Bob's help, Jay pulls himself out of the   
ground.]  
  
Jay: Aw [CENSORED] it, man! Why didn't you tell me tell me that would happen? I thought you said the   
kitties were different!   
  
[Silent Bob gets an annoyed look on his face and points a finger at Jay]  
  
Jay: Whoa, I don't wanna hear it man. Just shut up. Come on let's just get back to the resort. We had   
better luck with the honeys-  
  
Speedy [stops dead in his tracks and turns, interrupting]: Wait! You know where the resort is?  
  
Jay: Oh yeah, man. It's just about two hours that way [points at a 90 o angle from the direction Speedy and   
Polly were heading.] I gotta tell ya, that bunny lady has weird ideas about prisons.  
  
Speedy [walking towards the direction Jay's pointing in]: Tell me about it. So, how did you guys end up   
on Prisoner's Island.  
  
Jay [walking with him]: Well, we had just been through some weird [CENSORED] over in New Jersey.   
Something about stopping a couple of angels from destroying the world or something. Anyway, we   
decided we needed a [CENSORED]ing vacation, so we scrap together some money to fly out to Little   
Tokyo. We make a little stop off in Hollywood, get to see [CENSORED]ing Jennifer Aniston on the set of   
Scream, and-   
  
[Jay continues to ramble on. Cut to Polly and Silent Bob, who are walking behind them. Polly glares at   
Silent Bob. Bob gives her a questioning look and points to himself.]  
  
Polly [ticked off]: Yes, you!  
  
[Bob shrugs his shoulders as if to ask "what did I do?"]  
  
Polly: Oh, don't play dumb. You and your partner have the same thing on your mind, don't you?  
  
[Bob points to Jay with a questioning look on his face. When Polly nods, he shakes his head.]  
  
Polly: You don't?  
  
[Bob shakes his head. He then points to Jay and makes a "bent wrist" gesture.]  
  
Polly [giggling]: He is?  
  
["I think so" Bob mouths to her.]  
  
Polly: Are you two um- [clears her throat], you know…  
[Bob quickly shakes his head.]  
  
Polly [Giggling again]: I guess I was wrong. You're nothing like him.  
  
[She smiles at him. He smiles back. Cut back to Jay and Speedy.]  
  
Jay: So the [CENSORED] cops pick us up, and they take us to this [CENSORED]ing big tough guy, Al   
sumthin' they called him. He takes us to this [CENSORED] hot girl bunny. Al tells her what we were   
doing, and she asks us if this is true. Now, I've got the image of bunnies doing it in the back of my mind,   
so I figure she's pretty easy. I ask her if we can "make with the love" and she blows up in my face. The   
next thing I know it's "AL, SEND THIS HENTAI TO PRISONER'S ISLAND!" I've got no idea what a   
hen tie is, but at that point I figure we're [CENSORED]. She puts us on a boat and sends us here. Now I   
don't know what the [CENSORED] she was thinking.  
  
[Speedy is struggling to keep from bursting out laughing. Obviously, Jay was not familiar at all Little   
Tokyo.]  
  
Jay: So what's your story, Speedy? What they [CENSORED] are you and Polly doing here?  
  
Speedy [composing himself]: Well, long story short, we came here for our honeymoon, ran into some old   
enemies, got lost on the other side of the island, and are finding our way back with you guys now.  
  
Jay: What about the wolves?  
  
Speedy: Eh, that's a much longer story. I'll tell you guys-   
  
[Stops short and shields his eyes. The sun is blairing at him from a gap in the trees. As he makes his way   
through, he finds they are back at the resort.]  
  
Speedy [whooping for joy]: We're back! YAHOO! [takes off running for the ocean. Polly joins him.]  
  
[Cut to about an hour later. Speedy finally emerges from the water. The camera only shows him from the   
waist up since he and Polly were skinny-dipping.]  
  
Polly: Uh, Speedy? You might want to cover up!  
  
Jay [with a full frontal view]: Whoa.  
  
[Speedy quickly reaches for a towel. He then turns and faces Jay and Bob again..]  
  
Speedy: Polly's going to come out now. If you guys insist on watching, I won't be held accountable for   
the painfull injuries you sustain.  
  
[Shot of Jay and Silent Bob who quickly turn their backs. Jay tries to peek over his shoulder, but is nailed   
in the head with a large conch shell. Dazed he falls to the ground.]  
  
Speedy [redonning the leather armor]: Ok, we now have armor, and seeing how well our new friends   
fought the wolves, we have sufficient numbers. Want to take on the Rude Noise?  
  
Polly [same]: What about their weapons? We lost ours, remember?  
  
Speedy: Don't worry. I have a plan.  
  
[So after explaining the situation to Jay and Silent Bob, the four heroes approach what was once Speedy   
and Polly's villa. The camera cuts inside and we see that the Rude Noise has since made it their home, as   
is evidenced by the utter destruction of the room. Inside, Bad Max is on the phone with Cheese.]  
  
Bad Max: Yeah don't worry about it Cheese. The Cerviches are officially-  
  
[Before he can finish, the door is broken down. Speedy, Polly, Jay, and Silent Bob appear in the doorway,   
menacingly.]  
  
Bad Max: Y-you're alive!  
  
Speedy [grining evilly]: You didn't really expect us to go so easily, did you?  
  
Ronny: It doesn't matter. You guys are unarmed. Even with the stoners helping you out, we'll win.  
  
Speedy: That's why we're challanging you to hand to hand combat.  
  
Bad Max [stunned]: You're kidding!  
  
Polly (softly) [glaring slightly]: That's your big plan?  
  
Speedy (softly): Not entirely. Just wait.  
  
[The Rude Noise are struggling not to laugh at Speedy's challenge.]  
  
Bad Max [barely able to control himself]: Y-you can't be serious!  
  
Speedy: I am.  
  
Cannonball: And what if we refuse?  
  
Speedy: Then I'll be sure to tell Cheese what Max here did with his dresses while he was away.  
  
[The rest of the Rude Noise turn to Max in shock. Max seems naturally upset.]  
  
Max [nervous and upset]: L-lies! All of it! LIES!  
  
Speedy: Come on, Max. Who do you think he'll believe? Even Cheese knows that bad guys always lie.  
  
[Max gets the anime sweatdrop effect, then finally gives up.]  
  
Max: Alright. We accept.  
  
Jay [whispering]: Dude, how did you know about Bad Max liking girls' threads?  
  
Speedy [same]: Actually, it was a lucky bluff.  
  
[Silent Bob chuckles to himself. Close up on the Rude Noise, who are huddled together.]  
  
Max: Those four must not survive the fight.  
  
Mojo: What are we going to do? I don't know about the potheads, but the cats are much better fighters   
than us.  
  
Max: I know that too. That's why we're going to cheat.  
  
Cannonball: Excellent strategy.  
  
Max: Ok, then we're agreed. Any questions?  
  
Ronny: Yeah, Max? Is it true what the cat said?  
  
Max [shouting]: OF COURSE IT ISN'T YOU NITWIT! NOW COME ON! WE GOT A FIGHT TO   
WIN! [The rest of the Rude Noise breaks away from the huddle. Max lets out an onion shaped puff of air   
in relief.]  
  
[Moments later they found themselves out on the beach, surrounded by crowds of spectators. On one side,   
from left to right, was Bad Max, Mojo Rojo, Ronny Guiseborn, and Cannonball Batalay. On the other side,   
facing them were Speedy, Polly, Jay, and Silent Bob respectively. Close up on Bad Max, who's glaring at   
Speedy. Close up on Speedy, whose face contorts into a sneer.]  
  
Speedy: Let's dance.  
  
[The two teams launch themselves at each other. Silent Bob and Cannonball resort to good ol' fashioned   
Sumo Wrestling. Attempting to take the offensive, Cannonball launches into a vicious barrage of headbutts   
and double kicks. Silent Bob breaks the pattern by bodyslamming Cannonball, and then smashing the large   
crow's face into his knee. Dazed and confused, Cannonball's eyes bug out of their sockets as Bob runs into   
him, slamming his head into the bird's stomach.]  
  
[Jay and Ronny manage to deftly avoid each other's attacks. Jay gets in a lucky shot with a Somersault   
Kick. Angry, Ronny goes for a cheapshot and attempts to peck at Jay's face. Instead, he lunges right into   
Jay's Spinning Bachhand. Ronny trys to turn the odds in his favor by leaping into the air and swooping   
down into Jay. Although the move is successful, Jay manages to kick Ronny off of him and finishes him   
w/ an elbow drop.]  
  
[Polly & Mojo face off w/ claws and talons. As with Jay and Ronny, they manage to avoid each other's   
blows, until a lucky swip by Mojo scratches Polly's cheek. Touching the tiny wound, Polly sees that he   
managed to draw blood. Furious, she launches an aggressive counter attack. She leaps low at him and   
spins {the move is similar to the Cannon Drill used by Cammy in the Street Fighter games}, slamming her   
heels into his chest. With her opponant dazed, she wraps her legs around his head and flips him into the   
ground. Finally, as Mojo lies on the ground in obvious pain, she lets loose a furious barrage of punches on   
his face, head, and chest]  
  
[The final match is Speedy vs. Bad Max. Speedy leads off with a mighty uppercut that actually lifts him   
several inches off the ground. Bad Max counters with powerful Backflip Kick. Speedy delivers a quick   
two-kick combination that hits low and high. Bad Max responds by grabbing him by the neck, bending   
him over, and punching him repeatedly in the face. Eventually getting free, Speedy counters by bringing   
both hands together over his head and bringing them down on Max's head. Max appears to be down and   
out.]  
  
Speedy [pumping his fist in the air]: WE DID IT!  
  
[He and the others are so busy celebrating, they don't notice the Rude Noise recovering. Furious, Bad Max   
delivers a low, powerful kick that drives his shin into the outside of Speedy's thigh, hitting the femoral   
nerve. With his leg spasming, Speedy goes down. Max rises and points his sword at Speedy's throat. The   
other members of the Rude Noise rise and take their respective opponants hostage.]  
  
Bad Max: Sorry, boys. You didn't really think we'd give you a fair fight, did you? [Pulls Speedy to his   
feet. The cat groans in pain.] You know Speedy ol' boy, for a while I was considering killing each and   
every one of you, but I think I have a better idea now. [hands him a sword.] If you kill your little stoner   
friends, I'll let you and your wife go.  
  
Jay: Oh, [CENSORED]  
  
Polly: Don't do it, Speedy!  
  
Silent Bob [to Polly]: I don't see how he has a choice. If he doesn't, they'll kill all of us.  
  
[Everyone stares in shock at Silent Bob. He looks around, and suddenly seems annoyed.]  
  
Silent Bob: Hey, just because I don't like to talk doesn't mean I can't!  
  
Max [to Speedy]: At any rate, he speaks the truth. Kill them, or we'll kill all of you.  
  
Polly: Speedy, don't! [Mojo tightens his grip on her.]  
  
Max: Mojo, if Mr. Cerviche fails to comply, execute his wife.  
  
Speedy: No!  
  
Polly: Speedy, if you kill them I'll never forgive you.  
  
Max: Speedy, how much do these guys matter to you? They can't mean more than Polly's life.  
  
[Speedy glares at Max, and then lowers his head.]  
  
Speedy: You're right. [takes the sword] They don't.  
  
[Polly watches in horror, as Speedy advances on Jay and Silent Bob. Silent Bob closes his eyes, accepting   
his fate. Jay is still trying to squirm away, with minimal success. Speedy raises his sword, preparing to cut   
down Silent Bob. He brings the sword down but he cuts wide, missing Bob and slashing Cannonball in the   
thigh. Cannon grimaces in pain and drops Bob. Bob stares at Speedy in shock.]  
  
Max: Mojo, kill her!  
  
Akida [appearing suddenly behind Mojo, holding a spear at his neck]: Let her go or I jam this into your   
spinal cord.  
  
Lupe` [behind Ronny]: You should probably let go too.  
  
[In a flash, the Rude Noise is surrounded by the Wolf Pack. Max glares at Speedy.]  
  
Max: You were waiting for them, weren't you? You cheated!  
  
Speedy [smug]: Well, I knew you guys were going to. What did you expect me to do? [to the Wolf Pack]   
TAKE THEM!  
  
[Four poison darts fly out of no where and hit the Rude Noise in the neck. After a few minutes, they drop   
like rocks and are out cold.]  
  
Jay: Holy [CENSORED]! Where the [CENSORED] did these guys come from?  
  
Polly [looks around at the Wolf Pack, then glares at Speedy] (mock anger): Next time, brief me.  
  
Speedy [laughs]: Deal. [To Akida] Hey, what took you guys so long? I was afraid you didn't find the   
message I left.  
  
Lupe` [grinning]: Sorry, but Akida just loves to make an entrance. How did you know we were following   
you?  
  
Speedy: After you let us go, you didn't make as much of an effort to hide your tracks. And I was especially   
careful after Lothar and his buds attacked us.  
  
Akida [to Lupe`]: I told you to have a talk with that boy. Where is he anyway?  
  
Lothar [voice off screen]: Right here, dad.  
  
[They all turn around to see him.]  
  
Lupe`: Lothar, I thought you were with the others in your "hunting party".  
  
Lothar: [grinning] I was, but I just had to get away and do some exploring.  
  
Lupe` [curious]: Well, you're in quite a mood. I thought you said you never wanted to leave the forest.   
What changed your mind?  
  
[Lothar gestures with his head to a cute young she-wolf in the crowd. She's wearing a bikini and giving   
him the "come over here" finger curl.]  
  
Lothar: Her name is Melanie. She's been sentanced to life for beating the Princess in a swimsuit   
competition.  
  
[Akida gives his approval w/ a low howl. Lupe` glares at him and hits him playfully in the stomach.   
Lothar grins again and runs over to Melanie. Speedy and Polly then walk off with Jay and Silent Bob. Cut   
to the Mario & Brothers Club. The Quax brothers are sitting at the bar, looking kind of down. Suddenly   
Speedy, Polly, Jay and Silent Bob walk in. The four ducks do anime style doubletakes and rush towards   
them.]  
  
Chico: Hey! Speedy, Polly, you alive!  
  
Zeppo: Boy you guys had us worried! We thought you were dead.  
  
Polly: We almost were, a couple of times.  
  
Groucho [gesturing to Jay & Silent Bob]: Hey, who are these guys, the cover men for Stoner's Monthly?  
  
Speedy: Oh, these are our new friends [Points to Jay] Jay, and… [points to Bob] Silent Bob, although he   
isn't always silent.  
  
Jay: Tell me about it. [to Silent Bob] You know, I'll never [CENSORED] understand that about you.  
  
Silent Bob: Not being able to speak is not the same as not speaking. You seem as if you like to talk. I like   
to let people talk who like to talk. It makes it easer to figure out how full of [CENSORED] they are.  
  
Harpo [snapping his fingers]: Jackie Chan from Rush Hour, right?  
  
Silent Bob: You've seen it?  
  
Harpo: Are you kidding? That's one of my favorite movies! I loved Chris Tucker's reaction the first time   
he spoke english.  
  
Silent Bob: I know! And how about when they were doing War together?  
  
Harpo: Oh yeah, that was so funny.  
  
Silent Bob: I know. Hey, do you like comic books?  
  
Harpo: Do I! One of my favorites is Daredevil.  
  
Silent Bob: Hey, me too!  
  
[The two once quiet guys wander off, talking about comic books and movies while everyone watches in   
amazement.]  
  
Jay [to Groucho]: Hey dude, you know any place a guy like me can get some action?  
  
Groucho: As a matter of fact I do. [hands him a buisness card] The address is here at the bottom. You'll   
love it; the entertainment is top notch. [pause] Eh, or so I've heard. [his eyes roll upward]  
  
[Jay looks at the card, grins, and runs out. Cut to one week later. Speedy and Polly are on the "rescue"   
boat, waving to the Alpha wolf, Akida, Lupe`, Lothar, Melanie, the Quax brothers, Jay and Silent Bob, as   
well as two unidentified girls they've managed to pick up. Everyone else is also waving to them as the boat   
sails out of the harbor.]  
  
[Cut to that night, inside Speedy and Polly's suite. Speedy is cleaning up after dinner.]  
  
Polly [sprawled on the sofa]: We ought to put you in the kitchen more often.  
  
Speedy: Just be glad Big Al put us in 1st class, or we wouldn't have the kitchenette. We'll have to thank   
him when we get back.  
  
Polly [grinning]: I guess he figured after a few months on Prisoner's Island, we could use a little luxury.  
  
[The two of them share a laugh at their little ruse. Speedy brings over an ice bucket w/ a bottle of wine.   
The song One on One by Daryl Hall & John Oats begins playing.]  
  
Speedy: Would you like some wine, madam?  
  
Polly: Oh yes, please.  
  
[Speedy pours a glass for Polly and one for himself. Speedy sits down next to Polly and raises his glass.]  
  
Speedy [toasting]: To us. May our love burn brightly forever.  
  
Polly [raising her glass]: To us.  
  
[Their glasses clink, and they drink the wine. Setting the glasses down, they begin to kiss. Cut to an   
overhead shot of the boat. The song continues to play as it sails into the sunset. Fade to black.]  
  
[Cut to an on deck shot, right outside of Speedy and Polly's room. The "Do Not Disturb" sign is on the   
door. A steward walks up to the door and knocks on the door. Getting no response he knocks again. On   
the third try, Speedy opens the door. Once again, he is only wearing his boxers, and his hair is messed up.   
He looks at the sign, and glares at the steward.]  
  
Steward: Is something wrong sir?  
  
Speedy: Actually, yes. The "Do Not Disturb" sign is still up and you're here anyway.  
  
Steward: I'm sorry to intrude sir, but I thought you and your wife should know that we're approaching   
Little Tokyo. We'll be pulling into port in about 10 minutes.  
  
Speedy: Ok, fine.  
  
[The steward continues to stand there, a grin spreading on his face. Speedy finally gives him "the look".]  
  
Steward: Oh, right. Uh, I'll just be going then, ok? Uh, that is, um, yeah. I'm going.  
  
[He finally leaves. Speedy rolls his eyes and closes the door. Cut to frontal shot of the ship, as it's horn   
blares in the air. The ship docks and passengers begin getting off. Over at the bar, Guido is having a drink.   
Francine walks over to him.]  
  
Guido [noticing her arrival]: Hey. Are they here yet?  
  
Francine: No. Carla and GB are watching for them.  
  
Guido: 'k. Want something?  
  
Francine: Hmm? Oh, to drink. What are you having?  
  
Guido: Cherry coke and coffee ice cream float.  
  
Francine: Interesting. I'll have one too.  
  
[Guido orders the drink for her, and pays for it. Francine takes a sip.]  
  
Francine: Ok, now what's bothering you?  
  
Guido: Excuse me?  
  
Francine: You've barely said a word all day. We get here to pick up Speedy and Polly and you head   
straight for the bar. What gives?  
  
Guido: Oh, I don't know. I guess being here has me thinking about marriage. [Notices Francine raising an   
eyebrow.] I mean, I'd like to do it someday, but I don't know when or with whom.  
  
Francine: You mean, you wouldn't want to marry Lucille?  
  
Guido: Well, that's the thing. I like Lucille a lot, but… I mean marriage is a big thing. That's saying I'm   
going to spend the rest of my life with a person. And I haven't really thought about where my relationship   
with Lucille is going.  
  
Francine: Has Lucille?  
  
Guido: I don't know that either.  
  
Francine: Well, maybe that's something you need to figure out.  
  
[Guido nods and finishes his drink. Francine does the same.]  
  
Francine: Come on. Let's go find Speedy and Polly.  
  
[They walk over to GB and Carla and wait with them. A short while later, they spot Speedy and Polly   
coming off the boat, and rush over to meet them.]  
  
Speedy: Hey guys! We're back.  
  
[GB and Guido shake hands with Speedy and give him one-armed hugs. The girls each give Polly a hug   
and Speedy a kiss on the cheek.]  
  
Francine: Come on, let's go home. You guys still have time to make the dinner shift!  
  
[Everyone groans as they head back to the parlor. As they walk away from the docks, two familiar figures   
step out of the crowd. It's Big Cheese and Jerry Atric.]  
  
BC: It's impossible to find good help these days.  
  
Jerry: It's true. Want a job done right, you have to do it yourself.  
  
BC: You're sure all the arraingements have been made?  
  
Jerry: Trust me, Cheesy. The Samurai Pizza Cats will never know what hit them.  
  
[The two villains grin evilly. Fade to black. Cue Closing Sequence.]  
  
  
Send comments to Cervichson@aol.com  
  
Visit my website at http/members.tripod.com/GuidoCx17/Emporium.htm 


	2. The Stranger

Samurai Pizza Cats: New Millenium  
  
  
Episode 2: The Stranger  
  
Written By Guido Cerviche  
  
Rated PG13  
  
[Cue Opening Sequence]  
  
[Fade out on the title screen. The show opens with Speedy and Polly walking back to the parlor with   
Guido, Francine, Carla, and GB.]  
  
Polly [to Francine]: So, how did you guys manage without us?  
  
Francine: It was a bit of a struggle, but fortunately my cousin just moved over from New York. He's been   
helping us out.  
  
Speedy: Your cousin?  
  
Guido [disgusted] (w/ contempt): Yeah. Jefferson Manx, the self proclaimed "Love Machine". The guy's   
a hentai through and through.  
  
Speedy: Sounds like you, Guido.  
  
Guido: I know, that's why I don't like him.  
  
[After walking for a while, they come to the parlor. Before they can open the door however, a young cat in   
a black T-shirt, blue shorts, and a Pizza Cat apron comes flying out the window w/ a red hand print on his   
face. Holding open the door is a young fox girl, who would be very pretty if her face wasn't contorted in   
rage.]  
  
Girl [screaming]: JERK! HENTAI! LEAVE ME ALONE!! [She runs from the parlor, stepping on the   
young cat's face as she goes.]  
  
GB: Up to your old tricks, huh Jefferson?  
  
Jefferson [in pain]: Damn that hurt! [Looks up and sees Polly] Oooh yeah! [Leaps to his feet.] Hey there,   
pretty lady. What's a sexy thing like you, doing with a bozo like this? [gestures to Speedy]  
  
[The result is rather predicable. Polly delivers a high kick to his face that sends him flying back into the   
parlor to impact into far wall.]  
  
Polly [pissed off]: That "bozo" is my husband.  
  
Jefferson [in even more pain than before]: Oh. Thank you for that untimely information…  
  
Speedy: Don't worry. She would've done the same thing if she were still single.  
  
[Polly and the others nod in agreement. As they walk in, Francine peels him off the wall.]  
  
Francine: You'll get used to him eventually. He'd hit on me if we weren't related.  
  
Jefferson: Actually, Francine I believe we're only second cousins. If you ever wanted to we could-  
  
Francine: Stop right there Jeff, before I puke. [glares at him] By the way, you didn't scare that poor girl off   
before she had a chance to pay, did you?  
  
Jefferson: No, Fran. I swear! Here! [Hands her a wad off cash.]  
  
Francine [taking the wad and patting him on the head]: Good boy. We don't want a repeat of your first day   
here, do we?  
  
Jefferson [wincing in pain at the memory]: Of course not. I promise THAT will never happen again.  
  
Speedy [to GB]: So, GB how did you and Carla enjoy Paris?  
  
GB [in a bad French accent, grinning]: Well, let's just say zat Paris eezn't called ze city of lovers for   
nothing!  
  
Polly [grinning]: I take it you two had as much fun as we did.  
  
Carla [giggling]: Oui oui!  
  
Francine [yelling]: Hey, let's go lovebirds! I want you guys back on the clock NOW!  
  
Speedy [groaning, as he walks by Guido]: We gotta get her a new boyfriend.  
  
Francine: I HEARD THAT!  
  
[Speedy clams up and runs in. Guido stands there looking uneasy.]  
  
Guido [pauses for a moment]: Hey Fran, I just remembered I promised to take Lucille out to the movies   
tonight.  
  
Francine [annoyed]: Alright, just this once. But be back at a reasonable hour, cause you're not getting any   
time off tomorrow.  
  
[Nodding, Guido runs out the door. The rest of the evening progresses as normal. Well, relatively normal   
in any case. Eventually night rolls around and everyone goes to bed. Cut to Guido's room, later that night.   
Guido is frantically holding the pillow over his head, trying to drown out the noise from Speedy and Polly's   
room, right next to his. {Aside from not being able to see them, he might as well be in the same room.   
We're talking rice paper walls here.} Finally, he bangs on the wall.]  
  
Guido: Hey, can you two take a cold shower? Some of us are trying to sleep!  
  
Speedy (embarrassed): Sorry!  
  
[Silence follows, and sleep soon comes to all within the parlor. Cut to the Pizza Parlor, the next day.   
Speedy and Polly are flirting with each other while the others look on in shock.]  
  
Guido: I gotta admit, marriage has brought out a side of Polly I never saw before.  
  
[The phone rings and Francine answers it. Jefferson taps Polly on her shoulder and says something to her.   
What follows is "the Smack Heard 'Round the World", which results in Jefferson leaving another imprint   
in the wall beside the one he made yesterday.]  
  
GB [wincing]: That's more like the Polly we know.  
  
[Polly comes storming by, with Speedy following in hot pursuit.]  
  
Carla: What did he say?  
  
Polly [very pissed off]: Don't ask.  
  
Speedy [also very annoyed, to Jefferson]: Really man, that was uncalled for. Not to mention disgusting.  
  
Jefferson [in much pain]: Hey, I was just curious. [Grumbling to himself] Man, she really needs to loosen   
up!  
  
Polly: God, why must I constantly be surrounded by perverts?  
  
Speedy (affectionate): Must be the curse of great beauty.  
  
[Polly looks at him and smiles. Their attention, however, is soon diverted to Francine.]  
  
Francine [to the person on the phone]: Wait a second, let me get this straight. You want 10 Deluxe Pizzas,   
10 Catbird specials, and 10 orders of garlic breadsticks with extra spicy dipping sauce, and you want it   
delivered by Polly Esther? [pause] Well, no. It's just that we don't normally get requests for a specific   
delivery person- [pause] No, no, of course I don't want to lose a customer. [pause] Alright, alright. It's a   
deal. [hangs up] Did you guys hear that?  
  
Speedy: It's gotta be a trap. Whoever it was probably knew Francine would never pass up an order like   
that.  
  
Polly: All the more reason for me to go. If we can figure out who's trying to trick us, and why, we can get   
the drop on them before they get us.  
  
Speedy [authoritatively]: No way. They obviously want you to go. I'm not going to let you play right into   
their hands.  
  
Polly [annoyed]: Speedy, I can take care of myself.  
  
Speedy: Then I'm going with you.  
  
Polly [voice rising]: No! I don't need a babysitter!  
  
[Speedy starts to argue but decides better. He figures she's probably right. After all Polly is a pretty tough   
girl. Besides, he doesn't want to spoil their first few months of marriage by getting into a fight with her.]  
  
Speedy [kissing her passionately]: Just make sure you make it back, ok?  
  
Polly: I promise.  
  
[The order, naturally, is quite heavy. This is not a problem for Polly, but it does prevent the order from   
being delivered via the cannon. Thus, Polly is forced to walk to the address on the order slip, which   
doesn't do much for her stamina. She finally arrives, and knocks on the door. A figure in a dark blue robe   
answers. His hood is up, covering his face.]  
  
Polly: Hi, your food is here.  
  
[Wordlessly, the figure pulls a dagger from his belt and lunges at her. She takes out her own dagger and   
parries his blow. The fight continues with a series of parrys, lunges, thrusts, and slashes from both sides.   
Finally, Polly trips the figure up. He falls to the ground and Polly crouches over him, holding her dagger at   
his throat.]  
  
Polly: You'll have to do better than that.  
  
[The figure seems to grin wickedly. Out of the shadows steps a large, bull-like robot. Polly tries to fight it   
off, but is quickly overpowered. It holds her in a full nelson, immobilizing her. The cloaked figure   
produces a syringe filled with cloudy liquid. He injects the liquid into Polly's neck, and white fire dances   
through her body. Eventually, she loses consciousness and the bioroid flings her limp body over its   
shoulder. Grabbing the food with the other hand, it follows the cloaked figure back into the warehouse.]  
  
[Cut to inside the warehouse. The robot and hooded figure walk to the center of the warehouse. A small   
circular platform appears beneath their feet and lowers itself into the floor. Underground there is a huge   
laboratory. The figure steps off, followed by the bioriod. Walking out of the shadows, approaching the   
hooded one, is Seymour "Big" Cheese.]  
  
BC: You got her. Excellent.  
  
[The figure pulls down the hood of his robe. It's Roland Crow.]  
  
Roland: What did I tell you. Piece of cake.  
  
Jerry [stepping forward, beside Cheese]: I'm glad to see you still know where your loyalties are, Roland.  
  
Roland: Like I told you Master Atric, the crows and I are behind you first and foremost.  
  
BC: Are you sure nobody saw you?  
  
Roland: I did an infrared sweep of the area. There was no one there but me, Tauros [gestures to the bull],   
and the Pizza Witch.  
  
Jerry: Good work, Roland. You may leave now. Tell no one of our arrangement, and make sure the crows   
are ready to move on our say so.  
  
Roland: As you wish, Master Atric. [Exits the way he came, leaving Polly for Cheese and Atric. Tauros is   
busy devouring the food.]  
  
BC: All right then, Jer. Let's get her up on the operating table.  
  
Jerry [as they lift Polly onto the table]: I have to admit Cheesy, this plan is so simple it's downright   
fiendish!  
  
BC: Yes, I'm sorry I didn't come up with it sooner.   
  
[Cheese grins evilly and his eyes glow red. Fade to black.]  
  
[Cut to an exterior shot of the Pizza Parlor. At the bottom of the screen appear the words "Two Weeks   
Later". Cut to inside the Parlor. Everyone inside looks emotionally drained. Speedy seems especially   
dead. He's holding a bottle of sake` and his eyes are bloodshot. Everyone jumps as the phone rings.   
Speedy answers it. It's Big Al.]  
  
Speedy: Hi, Al.  
  
Big Al: Hi, Speedy. How's everyone holding up?  
  
Speedy: About as well as can be expected. How's the investigation coming?  
  
Big Al: There's just no trail. We searched that warehouse she went to a thousand times, but there's nothing   
there.  
  
Speedy: What about some sort of hidden annex, underneath the warehouse? Cheese and Fat Bunny always   
had underground hideouts.  
  
Big Al: We looked for signs of that, but there were no entrances or secret passageways that we could find.   
It's a very frustrating case, Speedy.  
  
Speedy: I want to be out there, Al. I want to help look for her.  
  
Big Al: Speedy, you know I can't let you do that.  
  
Speedy [getting frustrated]: Al, I'm not just some poor shmuck whose wife was kidnapped. I'm a Samurai   
Pizza Cat. I know I can help.  
  
Big Al: I'm not questioning your abilities, Speedy. The fact is you're too close to this case. Hell, I'm too   
close. [pauses] Captain Mizuno is a fine officer, and she and her men are working 'round the clock. I   
understand your frustration, but there isn't much more we can do.  
  
Speedy (softly): It doesn't make any sense. We haven't even received a ransom call. [squeezes his eyes   
shut as tear begin to well up] I shouldn't have let her go. **sobs** She's so damn stubborn- [breaks down   
in hysterics]  
  
Big Al: Speedy, it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself.  
  
[Speedy continues to cry, but softens up a little.]  
  
Big Al: I'll call you if anything turns up.  
  
Speedy [calming down]: Thanks Al. **sobs** I'll talk to you later.  
  
[Speedy hangs up the phone. He sits down in a chair and takes a long gulp of sake`. Lucille goes over to   
comfort him.]  
  
Lucille: It's ok, Speedy. We're here for you. [As Speedy continues to cry, Lucille begins to as well.]  
  
Guido [to Francine]: This might not be the best time to say it, but thank goodness she left her missiles at   
home.  
  
[Francine glares at him, but silently agrees. On top of everything they were going through, they did not   
need to get blown up as well.]  
  
Francine: Poor Speedy.  
  
Jefferson: Yeah. I don't blame him. If I were married to a hottie like Polly, I'd be torn up too.  
  
[Speedy glares at him just as the phone rings. He answers it.]  
  
Speedy: What is it Al?  
  
[The voice that answers is not Big Al's.]  
  
Voice: Speedy Cerviche?  
  
Speedy: Yes, who is this?  
  
Voice: Never mind that. We have your wife.  
  
Speedy: Listen you bastards, if you've done anything to Polly-  
  
Voice: Your wife is fine, for now. And if you want her to be returned unharmed, you will do exactly what   
we say. Meet us by the Great Comet Caper Memorial, with 10,000 dollars in Little Tokyo currency. We'll   
meet you there.  
  
Speedy: Let me talk to her. I want to make sure she's ok.  
  
Voice: You may speak to her, when she has been returned to you. Not a minute sooner. And come alone.   
If we see just one beat cop with you, you can start making funeral arrangements. [hangs up]  
  
Speedy: Hello? Hello?! [slams the phone down]  
  
Lucille: Speedy, was that the kidnappers?  
  
Speedy: Yeah. They want 10,000 dollars.  
  
Guido: That's strange. Why did they wait so long to call?  
  
Speedy: To terrorize us, probably. [The phone rings again. Speedy answers.] Did you get that Al?  
  
Big Al: Yes we did, Speedy. Unfortunately whoever it was was smart enough to scramble the trace. We   
couldn't tell where it was coming from.  
  
Speedy (disappointed): Damn. So, then I guess I have to make the drop.  
  
Big Al: Yeah. Speedy, I'm sending Captain Mizuno and some of her men along to back you up.  
  
Speedy: You can't do that Al. They said they'd kill Polly if I didn't come alone.  
  
Big Al: Speedy for all we know this could be another trap, designed to capture you like they captured Polly.   
We don't even know if she's still alive.  
  
Speedy (upset): If she is, you'll be putting her life in danger!  
  
Big Al: Please, Speedy. I promise they will remain out of sight. The kidnappers won't know they're there   
until Polly has been handed over.  
  
Speedy [thinks for a moment]: O-okay, Al. Just make sure they stay out of sight.  
  
Big Al: You have my word.  
  
[Once again, Speedy hangs up the phone. Cut to later, by the Memorial. Speedy is there, with a briefcase   
filled with money. He waits. Suddenly, a huge van speeds towards him and makes a sharp turn around the   
memorial. Speedy looks over and realizes the briefcase is gone. The van sweeps around again, and the   
back doors open up. The robed figure from earlier {Roland, unbeknownst to Speedy} tosses a bundle out   
on the street. As the van speeds away, Julie Mizuno and the other officers appear, guns blazing, and chase   
after the van. Speedy rushes over to the bundle. Wrapped in a few bed sheets is Polly. She's naked and   
drugged, but there are no signs of physical abuse.]  
  
Speedy (frantic): Polly? Polly are you ok?  
  
[Polly begins mumbling deliriously. She is completely whacked out.]  
  
Speedy: Jesus, what did they give you?  
  
Cpt. Mizuno [out of breath from trying to catch the van, and running back]: **puff** How is she?   
**gasp**  
  
Speedy: I don't know. They doped her up on something. We need to get her to the hospital.  
  
Cpt. Mizuno: Stay with her. I'll call an ambulance.  
  
[Within moments, everyone is at the hospital. Francine, Guido, Lucille, and Big Al, are talking w/ the   
doctor.]  
  
Doctor: Don't worry, she'll be fine. She's sustained some bruising around the wrists and ankles, and a   
needle mark on her neck, but that's about it. The kidnappers had her on a high dose of morphine, probably   
to keep her under control. Fortunately, she doesn't seem to have suffered from any long-term damage. She   
should be conscious shortly.  
  
Guido: Knowing Polly, they probably needed enough to tranquilize an elephant. So then she can come   
home tomorrow?  
  
Doctor: I didn't say that. Mrs. Cerviche has been almost completely inactive ever since she was kidnapped.   
It would probably be best for her to stay here for a few days.  
  
Lucille: We understand doctor. We want what's best for Polly too.  
  
Doctor: Thank you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have other patients to attend to.   
  
[The doctor walks away. Cut to Polly's room. Speedy is laying on sheets on the bed, next to Polly. His   
hand is draped over her chest. Slowly she opens her eyes and turns her head towards him.]  
  
Speedy (softly): You promised you'd make it back.  
  
Polly (weak): I'm back, aren't I.  
  
Speedy: I meant safely.  
  
Polly: Oh. I'm sorry.  
  
[Speedy grins at her, but a few tears are streaming down his face. Leaning forward, he kisses her on her   
forehead. By the time he's done, she's already asleep again. Speedy puts his head down on her pillow and   
is soon asleep himself.]  
  
[Cut to a week later. Speedy is sitting with GB, talking.]   
  
Speedy: GB, did you here in there was another robbery last night?  
  
GB: Darn, not another cat burglary?  
  
Speedy: Eh, I never liked the term "cat burglary". It sounds kind of discriminatory.  
  
GB [chuckles]: I can understand why you feel that way. But seriously, how many is that now?  
  
Speedy: Twelve in the past five days. We should probably talk to Francine about beefing up our security,   
especially after what happened to Polly. [looks around] By the way, where is Polly?  
  
GB: I think she's talking with Francine about something or other.  
  
[Speedy gets up and wanders around looking for Polly. As he walks towards the room that they share, he   
sees Francine standing outside the door. She has a look of disbelief on her face.]  
  
Francine: Are you sure you want to do this, Polly?  
  
Polly [voice from the other side of the door]: I thought you would appreciate this Fran. We'll probably   
double repeat business, at least with the male patrons.  
  
Francine: True, but it just seems so… not like you.  
  
Speedy [to Francine]: Hey, Fran. What's going on?  
  
Francine: Oh, Polly's trying on a new waitress uniform.  
  
Polly: Speedy, is that you?  
  
Speedy: Yeah, it's me.  
  
Polly: Oh, great. Thank goodness you're here. Let me ask you something. [She opens the door.] What do   
you think?  
  
[Speedy's mouth hits the floor in record time. The new "uniform" that Polly is wearing looks like an   
ordinary red waitress uniform. The only thing is, the skirt is about two sizes too short, and the shirt leaves   
almost nothing to the imagination.]  
  
Polly: That's just the reaction I'm looking for. [turns to Francine] You see what I told you?  
  
[Francine just grins in disbelief and shakes her head. Polly walks past her shocked husband, into the   
restaurant area. Speedy, finally manages to return to his senses and follows her out.]  
  
Speedy: Polly, what are you doing?  
  
Polly [grabbing a notebook and pencil]: Well, Francine said that business has been a little slow lately. Plus   
I just felt like changing my wardrobe. [looks up at him] Why? I thought you liked it.  
  
Speedy (quick): No, no, no. It's not that. It's just… I'm not really comfortable with you wearing that   
around a lot of people. [starts grinning] Now, if it were just the two of us in the privacy of our bedroom,   
then-   
  
[The phone begins ringing, preventing Speedy from continuing the obviously pleasing {to both of them}   
scenario he's cooked up. Francine answers it.]  
  
Francine: Samurai Pizza Cats, world famous heroes and world famous pizza! [Her smile quickly turned to a   
look of seriousness.] Oh, hi Big Al. [pause] Ninja Crows? What else is new? [pause] Ok, we'll check it   
out. Bye. [Hangs up the phone] Guys, we have eight Ninja Crows harassing vendors at the market place   
and stealing their stuff.  
  
Guido: Fat Bunny's probably trying to lure us out again.  
  
GB: Not necessarily. It's a relatively small platoon. Might just be a supply raid.  
  
Polly: Even if it is, Don Costanza must need those supplies for a reason. If he's planning anything, this is   
our chance to find out what.  
  
Speedy: Whatever the case, we should get moving. We won't learn anything just sitting around, and   
speculating. [Calls over to Jefferson Manx] Jeff, charge the cannon.  
  
[Jefferson nods and punches some buttons on the cannon. GB prepares to fly off.]  
  
GB [in the doorway]: I'll meet you there, as usual.  
  
Polly: Just don't start the party without us, GB.  
  
[GB smiles and nods. As he takes flight, the rest of the cats climb into the ovens. Cue the launch   
sequence.]  
  
Speedy [to Francine, as they fly through the air]: Hey, Fran?  
  
Francine: Yes, Speedy?  
  
Speedy: Just out of curiosity, how good of a shot is your brother?  
  
Guido [eyes narrow and tired looking]: Judging by the wall up ahead, not very good.  
  
Polly [same, w/ an English accent]: Holmes, you astound me.  
  
Speedy [bracing for the pain]: Oh, sh-  
  
[They all slam into the wall before he can finish. GB looks on with a smirk on his face.]  
  
GB: Fun ride guys?  
  
Speedy [in great pain]: Oh yes, very much. I give it five stars.  
  
Guido [same]: What a coincident. I'm SEEING five stars.  
  
[They quickly spring to their feet as the Ninja Crows run by. The crows stop dead as they see the Pizza   
Cats.]  
  
Crow 1: Ack! They're here!  
  
Crow 2 [to Crow 1]: I thought you said they wouldn't bother sending the cats after us.  
  
Speedy: Heh. Every time you Ninja Crows are out, something really bad starts attacking the city. We've   
learned to be cautious.  
  
GB: We know you're just on a supply raid. Hell, back when I was a Ninja Crow I must've been on   
hundreds. We want to know what Fat Bunny is planning.  
  
Crow 1: Drop dead, traitor!  
  
GB [closing his eyes and smiling]: Make me.  
  
[The young crow lets out a battle cry and leaps at GB. GB calmly swipes his sword at the young crow,   
making a huge gash in his armor. GB then delivers a powerful kick to the damaged armor, cracking it open   
like a walnut shell and knocking the Ninja Crow out.]  
  
[The rest of the crows dash at the cats, determined to avenge their fallen comrade. They don't have much   
luck. Guido notices two crows rushing him from both sides, and jumps. The two crows slam into each   
other and are knocked out. Speedy duels with another crow for a very short time before bashing him in the   
head with the hilt of his sword. Polly completely decimates one crow with a heart bomb. Francine grabs   
her attacker by the neck, lifts him up, and smashes him in the stomach with her elbow until he throws up   
and collapses into a useless heap on the ground. GB leaps over another overzealous crow, grabs him by the   
shoulders, flips him around and tosses him into the ground. The last remaining crow decides that discretion   
is the better part of valor, and flees.]  
  
Polly [running after the crow]: I got him!  
  
[Polly pursues the crow through the streets, with the others trying to catch up. As they turn down another   
street, an overturned vending booth blocks Speedy and the others. GB flies over the booth and far ahead,   
while Speedy and the others climb over. Further down the street, Polly is helping GB stand up. GB is   
clearly dazed, and Polly is limping.]  
  
Speedy: What the hell happened?  
  
Polly [in pain]: I twisted my ankle and he got away. When I got here, GB was down.  
  
GB [to Polly]: I don't remember passing you. But then again, pretty much the only thing I do remember is   
flying into a brick. The guy must've decked me as I was coming around the corner.  
  
Speedy [to Polly]: How'd you twist your ankle?  
  
Polly: Oh, I tripped over my own clumsy cat paw.  
  
Speedy: Well, are you ok?  
  
Polly: Yeah, I just need to walk it off. I'm sorry that guy got away.  
  
Speedy: No problem. The important thing is you're all right.  
  
Francine: Let's go back to the parlor. [to GB and Polly] We'll get some ice for you guys.  
  
GB [still holding his head]: Sounds good to me.  
  
[They begin walking back. Polly hangs back for a moment, watching them. A sinister grin spreads over   
her face.]   
  
[Commercial Break]  
  
[Cut to an overhead shot of the parlor interior as The Stranger by Billy Joel starts playing. Pan over the   
restaurant's interior as the quiet interlude at the beginning plays. When the interlude ends, Polly bursts out   
into the restaurant wearing her new uniform. As the vocals begin, the music fades into the background. Cut   
to a shot of Speedy and Guido, talking.]  
  
Speedy: Hey Guido, is it just me or is Polly acting different lately?  
  
Guido (dreamily) [staring at Polly, tongue hanging out]: I'll say.  
  
[Speedy's eyes narrow suspiciously and he turns to Guido.]  
  
Speedy (angrily): Hey! Stop oogling my wife! I'm asking for advice here, man!  
  
Guido [shakes his head, snapping out of it]: Sorry man, I just can't stop looking at her in that uniform.   
Hell, that thing looks too small for Fran!  
  
[Speedy nods and looks back at Polly. Suddenly his eyes bug out in shock. The camera quickly pans over   
to Polly, who is apparently flirting with a customer {a handsome young cat in a business suit}. Speedy   
marches over to try and find out what the heck is going on.]  
  
Speedy: Polly, what the heck is going on? What's gotten into you?  
  
Polly [leaning on the table, smiles at Speedy]: Oh, Speedy! Hey, I want to introduce you to a new friend.  
  
Speedy [under his breath]: Some friend!  
  
Chris [extending his hand]: The name's Logan. Chris Logan. You must be the famous, Speedy Cerviche.  
  
Speedy [shaking his hand]: Yes, I am. I see you've already met my wife [stresses wife slightly], Polly.  
  
[As he shakes Chris's hand, Speedy gets a slight tingling sensation traveling up and down his spine. He   
ignores it for the moment, but it none-the-less puts him ill at ease.]  
  
Chris: Yes, I have. [glances back in Polly's direction] She's very lovely. You're a lucky man, Mister   
Cerviche.  
  
Speedy [trying to remain polite]: Yes, don't I know it. Ah, pardon me but you don't seem familiar. Little   
Tokyo isn't actually very little, but it's small enough that I recognize most of our customers.  
  
Chris: Well, actually I've just moved here.  
  
Speedy [nodding]: Really?  
  
Chris: Yes, I transferred here for business. Plan to really shake things up around here.  
  
Speedy: I see. Well, I hope to see you around sometime.  
  
Chris: Count on it. [Glances at Polly again.] I plan to eat most of my meals here.   
  
Speedy [really struggling to remain polite]: Heh, really? That's great. [to Polly] Uh, honey can I see you   
for a moment?  
  
[Speedy pulls Polly aside for a moment.]  
  
Speedy: Alright Polly, I'm going to ask you one more time: What the heck is going on?  
  
Polly: What's wrong?  
  
Speedy: What's wrong is that that guy was looking at you like you were a filet mignion and he hadn't eaten   
in weeks!  
  
Polly: So? I can take care of myself. You should know that better than anyone.  
  
Speedy: Hey, I don't doubt that. The guy's a suit. He's probably never even seen a samurai sword. I was   
just wondering why you didn't deck him to begin with.  
  
Polly: Are you saying I encouraged him?  
  
Speedy: Not in those words, but you didn't do anything to rebuff him either.  
  
Polly: I'm just trying to loosen up a bit. Maybe you should too. [turns away, annoyed] I don't like you   
when you're jealous.  
  
[Speedy stares at her for a moment then "hmphs" in frustration. Angrily, he stomps back to Guido.]  
  
Guido: So what happened? Did she tell you what's going on?  
  
Speedy [still frustrated]: Not really. She just said she wanted to loosen up.  
  
Guido: Well, she's certainly done that. Do you think she's trying to get into modeling again? The last time   
she tried that it really changed her.  
  
Speedy: Nah, she hasn't said anything about that to me. Besides, this is a completely different change in   
personality.  
  
[Guido nods. A yard or so away, Polly drops her pen. Guido, in spite of himself, begins leering as she   
bends to pick it up. Speedy responds by quickly and sharply driving his elbow into Guido's stomach.   
Guido's eyes bug out of his head, and he drops immediately to the ground.]  
  
[Cut to later that night. The cats are closing up the parlor. The TV is on in the background. Polly hands   
Guido and Francine a glass of soda, and Speedy a bottle of water.]  
  
Reporter: I'm here live with Little Tokyo Chief Security Officer Al Dente`, to discuss the recent rash of cat   
burglaries in the city. Big Al, it's such a pleasure to have you with us.  
  
Big Al: Well, I'm delighted to be here, Pudding. I'm a very big fan of yours.  
  
Pudding [flattered]: Oh, why thank you.  
  
Guido [shouting over the television]: Hey, look! Big Al's on TV!  
  
Francine [sipping her soda]: Cool! Turn it up.  
  
[Guido turns up the volume.]  
  
Big Al: -and I want to assure everyone that we are devoting our full resources to catching the criminal.  
  
Pudding: That brings us to an interesting question: Is there any truth to the rumor that you will be bringing   
the Samurai Pizza Cats in on this case.  
  
Speedy [gulping his water]: Huh! That's the first I've heard of that. [Polly shushes him.]  
  
Big Al: Captain Mizuno and the officers under her command are fully qualified to handle this investigation.   
I think bringing in the Pizza Cats for the sole purpose of catching a common thief is a bit overkill. Besides,   
these rumors were circulated back when we had very little evidence to go on. But our culprit has become   
sloppy and careless: he or she left a partial fingerprint at the scene of the last heist. Our forensics   
department is studying the print now, and we expect to have a suspect within the next day or two.  
  
[Francine yawns suddenly, and blinks her eyes heavily.]  
  
Guido: Is something wrong, Fran?  
  
Francine: I don't know. I'm really tired all of the sudden.  
  
Speedy [yawning also]: Yeah, me too.  
  
Jefferson: Are you guys punking out?  
  
[Both Speedy and Francine glare at him, but are too tired to confront him.]  
  
Polly [consolingly]: Why don't you guys get some sleep. We'll clean up the rest of this mess.  
  
Jefferson (slyly): Yeah, don't worry about it Speedy. Polly and I'll take care of business.  
  
[Very calmly, Polly raises a fist and smashes it into Jefferson's face. Jeff soars through the air, impacting   
on the far wall and making a third imprint on it right next to the other two.]  
  
Guido [wincing, looking at the imprints]: We should really fill those in.  
  
Speedy: That's more like the Polly I know. Thanks, Pol. I think I will get some sleep.  
  
Francine: Me too. Someone call GB's house to see how he's feeling. He did get bashed in the head after   
all.  
  
Guido: No prob, Fran.  
  
Polly: I hope you feel better soon, Speedy. I promise I won't be long.  
  
[She grins seductively at him. Speedy grins back at her, and walks into their room. He's out as soon as his   
head hits the pillow.]  
  
[The next morning Speedy slowly wakes up. He rolls over to hug Polly… and realizes she's not there.   
Bolting awake, he searches in the bathroom, in the closet, under the bed, in the dresser drawers, even under   
the bed lamp, and does not find her. Trying to keep his cool, he dashes out to the restaurant where the   
others are already gathered.]  
  
Speedy: Has anybody seen Polly?  
  
Guido: You mean she wasn't with you?  
  
Speedy [slightly annoyed]: Would I be asking you if she was with me?  
  
Francine: Calm down, Speedy. I'm sure that she's fine  
  
Speedy: Well she wouldn't just disappear like this.  
  
Francine: Will you relax? She's fine, you're just over reacting because of that kidnapping scare a few   
weeks ago.  
  
Speedy [calming down slightly]: Maybe your right, Fran.  
  
[Speedy makes breakfast and gets ready for work, but he's still disturbed by Polly's absence. GB arrives   
for work, and still no Polly. Finally, Speedy starts getting worried again.]  
  
Speedy [worried sick]: Where the heck is she? We should call Big Al, again.  
  
GB: Doesn't a person need to be missing for more than 48 hours before they're declared missing?  
  
Guido: Well, last time Big Al put people on the case right away.  
  
Jefferson: Cool, we're VIPs.  
  
Guido: Shut up.  
  
Francine: Calm down, guys. Arguing isn't going to help.  
  
Speedy: I knew we should've beefed up security.  
  
Francine: Speedy, are you sure Polly didn't go to bed last night.  
  
Speedy: I couldn't say one way or the other Fran, I was out like a light.  
  
Francine: Guido, do you remember what Polly did after you two got done cleaning up?  
  
Guido (agitated): No, I fell asleep right after you guys did. Look, what difference does it make? She   
obviously went out after we all went to bed.  
  
[Francine is about to get in his face, but the phone rings. She picks it up and listens for a while. Her face   
goes white with shock. Eventually she hangs up the phone.]  
  
GB: What's wrong, Fran?  
  
Francine [stunned]: Big Al said the police found Polly. They placed her under arrest for possession of   
stolen property.  
  
Speedy (disbelieving): What?!  
  
Francine: They said she's the cat burglar.  
  
[Cut to Big Al's office]  
  
Speedy: This is ridiculous! Al, you know Polly would never do anything like this!  
  
Big Al [takes a sip of tea]: Believe me Speedy, I'm just as shocked and horrified as you are, but the   
evidence is undeniable. Polly was found with the items from last night's robbery in her possession.  
  
Speedy [irate]: What are you, sick? That doesn't prove anything! The real burglar could've planted that   
stuff on her.  
  
Big Al [hands the Speedy and the others a copy of a report]: You know that fingerprint I said we found on   
the news? We ran it through the database. It matches Polly's perfectly.  
  
Speedy: You guys found this at Mr. Winkle's place? He's one of our biggest customers. Polly delivers   
there all the time.  
  
Big Al: Does she go through the window? That's where we found it. Plus, we found blood on some glass   
shards at last night's robbery. Polly has a cut on her left foot, and the blood is her type.  
  
Speedy: Look, all I see here is a few semi-convincing pieces of circumstantial evidence. It'll never hold up   
in court.  
  
GB [whispering to Guido]: Why's he talking like a defense lawyer all of the sudden?  
  
Guido: He's seen virtually every episode of Law & Order.  
  
Speedy: What about motive? What possible reason could Polly have for stealing.  
  
Big Al [takes deep breath and pauses for a moment]: Drugs.  
  
Speedy: WHAT?! You gotta be kidding me! You know Polly never used drugs.  
  
Big Al: Speedy, we found her in a cheap motel, high on morphine. You could practically smell it a mile   
away. She probably got addicted when her kidnappers kept her doped up.  
  
Speedy [fed up, walking out]: I don't have to take this. I'm not going to listen to this crap.  
  
Big Al: Look Speedy, we're prepared to offer Polly special consideration for her years of dedicated service-  
  
Speedy [continuing out]: Get bent, Al.  
  
[Big Al begins getting angry, but Speedy is already out the door. The others soon follow him.]  
  
Speedy: Man, can you guys believe what he was saying about Polly?  
  
[The others look at each other nervously, but don't say anything. Speedy turns and looks at them in   
disbelief.]  
  
Speedy: Aw, come on! You don't seriously think she had anything do with this?  
  
Francine: Well, they do have a pretty strong case against her. And even you said she was acting   
differently.  
  
GB: She's right, Speedy. Big Al's theory isn't so far fetched-  
  
Speedy [aggravated]: This whole day is unbelievable! You guys are as crazy as Emperor Fred if you think   
Polly had anything to do with this.  
  
Guido: Well, what do you think is going on, Speedy?  
  
Speedy: I think that someone is out to frame Polly. Probably the same people who kidnapped her to begin   
with.  
  
Jefferson: You've been watching too much X-Files, man.  
  
GB: Come on, Speedy. There's nothing more we can do.  
  
Speedy [calmer]: No, you guys go on back to the parlor. I need some time to think.  
  
[The others nod and walk away. Cut to Polly's cell. She's sitting on the bed, and it looks like she's been   
crying. She looks up and a security guard is standing outside.]  
  
Guard: Mrs. Cerviche? You have a visitor.  
  
Polly [wipes away some tears]: Thank you, Ed.  
  
[She sees Speedy walk up and runs up to meet him. She hugs him through the bars, and he kisses her on   
the forehead.]  
  
Speedy: How you holding up?  
  
Polly: Well the food at home is better. [She smiles and Speedy chuckles] Are the others here?  
  
Speedy [uneasy]: Uh, no. They went back to the parlor. [Polly looks disappointed.] Polly… They think   
you're guilty.  
  
[Polly stares at him blankly for a moment, then brakes down into tears again.]  
  
Polly [bitterly]: What about you? Do you think I did it?  
  
Speedy: Of course not! You know me better than that. [pauses] But it doesn't look good. Big Al has a pile   
of evidence against you. Plus you had been acting rather weird since the kidnapping.  
  
Polly: What are you talking about? I haven't been back to the parlor since I made that delivery.  
  
Speedy [confused]: Excuse me?  
  
Polly: Remember the delivery you told me not to make? You were right, I shouldn't have gone. I played   
right into their hands.  
  
Speedy: So, you don't remember anything that happened since that night?  
  
Polly: No. After the guy in the cloak and his pet bull knocked me out, the next thing I remember is the   
Police slapping cuffs on me.  
  
Speedy [thinks for a moment]: Do you still remember that address?  
  
Polly: Yeah, why?  
  
Speedy [smiling]: I'm gonna do a little P.I. work for you.  
  
[Polly smiles back and hugs him. Cut to later, on the street where Polly was abducted. Speedy observes it   
from across the street.]  
  
Speedy: Well, this is the spot, but I don't see anything suspi-   
  
[He ducks behind a corner as a group of Ninja Crows approach the building. After watching them enter,   
Speedy rushes back to the building and peaks through the door. He sees a circular platform appear under   
the crows and lower them into the ground. When they finally disappear, Speedy approaches the spot.]  
  
Speedy: It's nearly impossible to spot. No wonder the police missed it!  
  
[Speedy steps on the spot, and the platform lowers into the murky depths. Stepping off, Speedy keeps to   
the shadows and looks around. He sees Cheese's enormous hi-tech laboratory. He gapes in awe.]  
  
Speedy [awe]: Whoa. What is this place? [He looks around a little more, and eventually spots the master   
of the domain.] Cheese!  
  
[Behind Speedy, a figure lurks in the shadows. Lurching forward, it slams a brick into Speedy's head.   
Speedy falls to the ground, unconscious. Beside his head steps a black, high heeled leather boot. A   
feminine voice chuckles evilly.]  
  
[Commercial Break]  
  
[Speedy is unconscious, tied by his hands and feet to a large metal wheel on the wall. His helmet is   
missing, and he's bare-chested. Slowly he opens his eyes. In front of him stands a female cat in a leather   
dominatrix outfit. She's stretching a whip in her hands, and looks very eager to whip him into submission.   
By far the most disturbing thing about her, however, is that she looks exactly like Polly!]  
  
Speedy [slightly nervous]: Hi, Polly. Look, I like a little sexual role-playing as much as the next guy, but I   
didn't know you were into anything this extreme.  
  
Andry: I hate to disappoint you, Speedy, but you have the wrong Polly. You can call me Polly Andry.  
  
Speedy: Cute name. I take it you were the one my friends and I were hosting at the pizza parlor instead of   
Polly?  
  
Andry: Looks and brains. I can see what my dear mother sees in you.  
  
Speedy: Uh, you look a bit old to be Polly's daughter. I'd say more like a twin sister.  
  
Andry: Well, we have a very complex relationship, your wife and I.  
  
Speedy [taking a wild guess]: You're a clone, aren't you?  
  
[Polly Andry lashes the whip straight at Speedy, leaving a bright red welt on his shoulder.]  
  
Andry (furious): I ask the questions, knave! Now, what are you doing here?  
  
Speedy [wincing in pain]: Wrong address on a Pizza delivery.  
  
Andry [whiping him again]: Why are you here? Tell me!  
  
[Speedy refuses to talk. Andry whips him again and again and again. Finally, the door opens and Big   
Cheese walks in.]  
  
Andry [bowing before him]: Master Cheese.  
  
BC (annoyed): What is he doing here? I thought I told you, no guests.  
  
Andry: It couldn't be helped. I found him snooping about the laboratory, so I decided to bring him to my   
playroom. I've been trying to get him to tell me why he's here, but he's so stubborn.  
  
BC (sympathetic): I know exactly how you feel, my dear. If I had to guess, I'd say he's trying to prove that   
his beloved Polly is innocent.  
  
Speedy [taunting BC]: What's wrong, Cheese? Running out of ideas? I mean, trying to replace Polly with   
an evil clone just seems a little uninspired, even for you.  
  
[His remark angers Andry more than it does Seymour. Enraged, she quickly tosses her dagger at him. It   
lands right between Speedy's legs, coming dangerously close to a very sensitive area.]  
  
Speedy: **YELP!** (weakly) Cowabunga!  
  
Cheese [chuckles in amusement]: Laugh all you want, Cerviche. The fact remains that thanks to my little   
girl here, we are closer than ever to defeating the Samurai Pizza Cats.  
  
Speedy [scoffs]: In your dreams!  
  
Cheese: Hey, it's true. Miss Andry is a perfect duplicate of your dear wife. She has all her strength, all her   
speed, all her moves and all her memories. And without the real Polly to oppose her, your friends are at a   
significant disadvantage.  
  
Speedy: So that's why you had her frame Polly. To take her out of the picture so that we'd be weakened   
when you guys attacked with Andry.  
  
BC: Partly, yes. Also we needed financing. After all, training is expensive.  
  
Speedy (confused): Training?  
  
[As if on cue, the door opens again. In walk Jerry Atric, Roland Crow, and a regiment of Ninja Crows.]  
  
Roland: Well, well, well. If it isn't the great Speedy Cerviche.  
  
Speedy: Nice to see you too, Roland.  
  
BC: Jerry, how are the preparations coming?  
  
Jerry: We're ready to strike in about an hour. [glances at Speedy] Are you sure it's safe to discuss such   
things around him?  
  
BC: Why not? There's nothing he can do about it. The only thing he's good for now is as a playmate for   
our little girl.  
  
Andry [leaning in close to Speedy] (purring): Oh yes. We're going to have lots of fun together.  
  
Speedy: Sorry, I prefer originals to cheap imitations.  
  
[Andry snarls at him and slashes his chest with her steel tipped claws. Speedy groans in pain. Andry turns   
the wheel so that Speedy is upside down.]  
  
Andry [rabid]: I'll teach you some respect, knave. Call me mistress!  
  
Speedy [blood rushing to his head]: My mistress… is Polly Esther…  
  
[Andry begins whipping him again. And again. And again. And again. She whips him repeatedly and lets   
out an Oujousama laugh, clearly enjoying her work. Finally, from the combined trauma of being upside   
down and being whipped repeatedly, he passes out. Andry steps back, panting excitedly.]  
  
Roland [sweatdrops] (unnerved): She's, uh… zealous.  
  
BC [grinning]: You have no idea.  
  
Andry [very pleased with herself]: Well, doesn't look like he'll be going anywhere for a while.  
  
Jerry: Don't be too sure, my dear. We are dealing with the infamous Speedy Cerviche after all.  
  
Roland: I'll make sure he stays right here.  
  
BC: Good idea, Roland.  
  
Andry: Well, let's get going. I'm looking forward to playing with the rest of the Pizza Cats.  
  
[Chuckling to themselves, Andry, Cheese and Atrick leave. The camera zooms in on Speedy's   
unconscious body, slowly fading to black.]  
  
[The camera fades up on the same room. Speedy is now upright again, and slowly coming to his senses.   
It's about half an hour later. Jerry, Andry, and BC are gone. Roland is sitting on a chair in front of Speedy.   
Seeing Speedy awaken, he grins evilly.]  
  
Roland: I'll bet you don't feel so superior now, do you cat?  
  
Speedy [chuckling slightly]: Funny, that's exactly what Bad Bird said to me the last time he had me in a   
position like this.  
  
Roland: Well, if you're expecting me to get all noble and let you go, you are sorely mistaken my friend.  
  
Speedy: Oh, I wouldn't even think it. I'm gonna get out of this mess on my own.  
  
Roland: Sorry, it ain't gonna happen.  
  
[Speedy continues talking, hoping to distract Roland while he tries to slide his right hand out of its   
restraint.]  
  
Speedy: Good will always triumph over evil, Roland.  
  
Roland: You're fooling yourself, Ceviche. There's no escape this time.  
  
Speedy: Heh, that's what you think. I'm gonna break free right now!  
  
Roland: Don't bet on it, fleabag.   
  
[Roland walks over to tighten the restraints. Speedy headbutts him and he staggers forward, stunned.   
Speedy finally frees his hand, and punches Roland right in the face. As Roland falls unconscious, Speedy   
grabs the keys from his belt and frees himself. After chaining Roland up in his place, Speedy makes his   
way out of the base. Along the way he encounters a few Ninja Crows, but he manages to dispatch them   
without much difficulty.]  
  
[Cut back to the jail. Polly is sitting in her cell, looking very depressed. Suddenly she hears a tapping at   
her window. She looks out it, and sees Speedy.]  
  
Polly: Speedy, what are you doing here?  
  
Speedy: Polly, get on the floor and cover your head. I'll explain everything on the way.  
  
Polly (confused): On the way…  
  
[Realizing what he means, Polly crouches down and covers her head. Outside, Speedy goes into his Cat's   
Eye Slash sequence. The blast hits the wall, ripping a hole in her cell. The alarm instantly goes off.]  
  
Polly [upset]: Are you out of your mind?! What the hell are you doing?!  
  
Speedy: I found out who was responsible for the cat burglaries. We need to get to the Pizza Parlor, quickly.  
  
Royal Guard 1 [off camera]: There they are! Don't let them get away!  
  
[Speedy turns to face the guards. There are five of them. Taking Polly's hand he leaps into the air, high   
over their heads. He tosses a couple of Ginzu Stars at them, which explode and knock them unconscious.   
As Speedy and Polly continue to make their escape, more Royal Guards persue them. Speedy manages to   
best each of them in one on one combat, knocking them out with the hilt of his sword. As the last batch of   
guards persues them, Speedy tosses a few smoke bombs to evade them.]  
  
[Sometime later, as Speedy and Polly race back to the Pizza Parlor…]  
  
Polly: So, Big Cheese created Polly Andry to impersonate and frame me to weaken the Pizza Cats for his   
final assault?  
  
Speedy: Essentially, yes. I think he figures you're the strongest member of our team. Personally, I don't   
think he's that far off.  
  
Polly [smiles]: Well, thank you dear.  
  
Speedy: The only thing I can't figure out is why he needed money to train the Ninja Crows. I mean you   
remember how much he was willing to pay the Rude Noise to get rid of us, right?  
  
Polly: Well, Cheese isn't exactly known for his wise investment stratigies. He did manage to blow the   
whole city's treasury on his evil schemes.  
  
Speedy: That's true.  
  
Polly: Also, that lab you described must've cost a fortune. He probably went into debt to build that thing.   
That would also explain why he had the Ninja Crows making supply runs.  
  
Speedy: I think you're right. He must've had Andry dope us up when he heard the police were on to the cat   
burgler. That gave Andry plenty of time to sneak out and help them set you up.  
  
Polly: Exactly. [pauses] How much time until the attack?  
  
Speedy: We've got just under 10 minutes. The parlor is still about 5 minutes away.  
  
Polly: We're going to get there too early.  
  
Speedy: Relax. Everything will be ok.  
  
[Cut to the parlor. Guido, Francine, GB, Carla, and Jefferson are sitting around, waiting very worriedly.]  
  
Jefferson: Look, there's no reason to jump to any conclusions. He and Polly are probably just having a   
conjugal visit.  
  
[Francine and Carla glare at him. GB and Guido wince at the image.]  
  
Jefferson [geniunly confused]: What?  
  
[At that moment, the doors burst open and Speedy and Polly rush in. The others are surprised to say the   
least.]  
  
Guido [disbelief]: What the- Polly, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in jail?  
  
Polly: Speedy busted me out.  
  
Francine [incredulous]: Are you two insane? Why on earth did you come here? This is the first place Big   
Al will look when he hears the news.  
  
Speedy: That's the point. Guys, Polly is innocent and I have proof.  
  
GB: You do? Show us!  
  
Speedy: Well… I don't have it with me. It's on its way here actually.  
  
Francine: This is nuts. Do you have any idea what a standoff like this will do to buisness?  
  
Cpt. Mizuno [speaking into a megaphone, outside the Parlor]: SPEEDY AND POLLY CERVICHE, THIS   
IS THE POLICE. PLACE YOUR WEAPONS ON THE GROUND AND COME OUT WITH YOUR   
HANDS UP! DO NOT MAKE US TAKE YOU BY FORCE.  
  
Carla [nervously]: Guys, maybe you should just go along with them?  
  
Speedy: We just need another 4 minutes, Carla.  
  
[Outside Police have the parlor surrounded. Big Al walks over to talk to Captain Mizuno.]  
  
Cpt. Mizuno: They're not gonna come out, Al. We should go in.  
  
Big Al: I don't want to turn the Pizza Cat into a warzone, Julie.  
  
Cpt. Mizuno: So, we're just going to sit here until they decide to give up? That doesn't seem wise, Sir.  
  
Big Al: Relax, Captain. We're going to give them 2 minutes. Then we'll go in and convince them to   
surrender.  
  
[Back inside…]  
  
Guido: What are they waiting for, an engraved invitation?  
  
Speedy: Nah, they're probably just trying to sweat us out.  
  
Carla: I hope they don't try psychological warfare.  
  
Polly: Me neather. Last time they tried that, they blasted Britney Spears at max volume into the guy's   
home.  
  
Jefferson: What's wrong with Britney Spears?  
  
GB [glaring at him]: You have a dirty mind.  
  
Jefferson, Francine, and Guido: DUH!  
  
Polly: How much time is left Speedy?  
  
Speedy [looks at the clock]: Just under 3 minutes.  
  
Francine: So Speedy, just what's going to happen in 3 minutes?  
  
Speedy: Just get ready to fight.  
  
[At that moment, the police burst through the doors. Two policemen grab Speedy and Polly, and attempt to   
handcuff them.]  
  
Captain Mizuno: Speedy Cerviche, you're under arrest for aiding and abetting in the escape of a criminal.   
You have the right to remain silent-  
  
Speedy: I choose to waive that right. [Starts screaming]  
  
Big Al [covering his ears]: Damn, I never knew the boy had a set of lungs like that!  
  
Polly [struggling against the Policeman]: Hey, not so tight! Come on, let me go!  
  
Speedy [now screaming coherently]: Big Al, you've got to listen to me! Polly's innocent, Big Cheese set   
her up! I have proof! Just wait another 2 minutes! They're coming! Just give us another-  
  
[And at that point Andry, Tauros, and several Ninja Crows blast their way into the parlor. Everyone in the   
parlor turns towards the explosion, alarmed.]  
  
Speedy: You're early.  
  
Andry: My watch is fast.  
  
Big Al [gulps]: Speedy, do you know who this is?  
  
Speedy: Big Al, meet Polly Andry. She's Seymour's latest henchperson. She framed Polly.  
  
Andry: He's right, Al. I admit it. I did it all.  
  
Cpt. Mizuno [aproaches her]: Men, place her under arrest.  
  
[The police officers, however, seem mesmerized by Andry. They don't budge.]  
  
Cpt. Mizuno: Come on! What's wrong with all of you?  
  
Andry: Sex pheremones, honey. A little gift from Masters Cheese and Atrick. Your officers cannot lift a   
finger to harm me.  
  
Cpt Mizuno (annoyed) [to herself]: I guess I'll have to do this myself. [to Andry] Polly Andry, I place you   
under arrest for burglary. You have the right to-  
  
[At that moment, Andry grabs Julie by her shirt and kisses her right on the lips. The whole rest of the   
parlor looks on in shock.]  
  
Polly: Damn. I'm so skanky, and I think I'm a little gay.  
  
[Andry releases a very stunned, and somewhat flushed Julie.]  
  
Andry [to Julie]: Give it a rest.   
  
[With that Andry tosses Julie into the air. She slams down into a table, and is knocked unconscious. The   
police suddenly snap out of their spell.]  
  
Big Al: Get them!  
  
[The Ninja Crows manage to defeat a number of police before the Pizza Cats make short work of them.   
Guido goes after Tauros, and prooves to be to quick for the robotic bull. After taking numerous hits from   
Guido's sword, Tauros begins to show signs of wear and tear. Guido finally finishes him off with a blast   
from the sunspot.  
  
[Turning towards the remaining police Andry cracks her whip, creating a series of sonic booms that knock   
them over and out like bowling pins. Big Al unsheathes his sword to try and fight her, but she backflip   
tosses him into the ground.]  
  
Andry: Later, old man.  
  
GB: Grrr. You're going down!  
  
[GB flies towards Andry, sword ready. Andry lashes her whip around his neck, and swings. GB screams   
as his face colides with a wall, and he slumps to the ground.]  
  
Carla: BIRDIE!  
  
[She dashes towards GB to see if he's ok. Andry grabs her and tosses her into the wall. Carla slumps   
down beside GB.]  
  
Guido [rushing forward]: Take this you monster!  
  
[Guido slashes his sword at Andry, but Andry leaps out of the way. He slashes at her again, but she   
entangles his sword with her whip and pulls it out of his grasp. She high kicks him in the face and he goes   
down. She whips him several times, pulls him up and tosses him into a wall.]  
  
Francine: Guido!   
  
[Francine runs over to Guido, but is caught by Andry. Andry lifts her off the ground by her neck.]  
  
Jefferson: Fran!  
  
[He dashes over to help her, but Andry lifts him off the ground by his neck too.]  
  
Andry [to Jefferson]: I'm gonna have some fun with you later, you horny little pervert.  
  
[She then slams his head into Francine's knocking them both out.]  
  
Speedy: Enough! Andry, I'm the one you want.  
  
Andry: In more ways than one, sugar. [cracks her whip]  
  
Speedy: Oh, no you don't. Put that thing away. Let's do this fairly. Sword vs. sword.  
  
Andry [smiling]: Of course. I should've known that's how you'd want to do it. Fine. Sword vs. Sword it   
is.  
  
[Andry throws down her whip and twirls around. When she faces Speedy again she's holding a samurai   
sword.]  
  
Speedy [gulps]: Where were you hiding that?  
  
[Smiling, Andry rushes forward and attacks Speedy. Speedy parries her first strike, then her second, and   
then her third before finally being able to counterstrike. Andry parries his blows easily. She moves like a   
whirlwind, knicking him occasionally. Feinting, she slashes a large gash in his armor. He staggers and she   
elbows him in the stomach. Speedy doubles up on the ground, and Andry kicks him in the face. She puts   
the sword at his throat, and suddenly feels one at hers.]  
  
Polly: Toss it away. [Andry refuses. Polly presses her sword harder against her throat.] Do it!  
  
[Andry tosses the sword away and turns around.]  
  
Andry [seeing it is Polly]: Oh, it's you. For a moment there I was actually worried.  
  
Polly: Cute. How about we settle this.  
  
Andry [chuckles for a moment]: Oh, you're serious? Very well then.  
  
[Polly Esther and Polly Andry assume fighting stances and then rush at each other. For a while they are   
fairly evenly matched, each one parrying the other's blows. Then Andry slowly begins to gain the edge,   
her ferocity wearing Polly down.]  
  
Andry [Ojousama laugh]: Give up, girl. The best you can hope for is a draw.  
  
Polly: Is that a challenge?  
  
[Polly begins fighting back with equal ferocity and determination. Slowly she begins to dominate. This   
flusters Andry immensely, and she loses even more ground to Polly. More and more of Polly's strikes   
seem to evade Andry's defenses, as Andry's frustration makes her more and more vulnerable.]   
  
Andry (panicking): No! You can't win! I won't let you!  
  
Polly [determined]: That's right. You won't. I'll do it myself.  
  
Andry [pushes her away] (enraged): I'm going to kill you if it's the last thing I do! [She begins her   
finishing move, which appears similar to Polly's except it's jet-black, and crackling with dark energy.]   
DARK HEART AWAY!  
  
[Polly retaliates by going into her own finisher. The two moves collide and explode, releasing a fantastic   
amount of energy. When the smoke clears, Andry is on the ground in a bloody heap. Her black leather   
outfit is cut in forty different places. She is alive, but very badly injured. Polly, miraculously, excaped the   
blast mostly unharmed.]  
  
[Polly walks over to Speedy and helps him up.]  
  
Polly: Are you ok?  
  
Speedy: I'll live…  
  
[Big Al groans as he wakes up.]  
  
Speedy: Al! Are you ok?  
  
Big Al: Yeah… I'm fine. [walks over to Andry] Hmph. Old man. Thanks a lot.  
  
Speedy: So, I guess Polly is free now, Al?  
  
Big Al: Huh? Oh yes, of course. [Picks up Andry] Well, I guess I ought to go lock the real cat burglar up.   
[glares at Speedy] That is if I can find a section of the jail you didn't blow up, Speedy!  
  
Speedy [sheepish]: Eh, I'm sorry about that Al!  
  
Big Al [walking off]: Hmph. The Princess won't be happy about that. Someone's getting sent to   
Prisoner's Island for sure.  
  
[Speedy and Polly look at each other and shrug. Cut to the next day. The parlor has been repaired, for the   
most part, and everything is almost back to normal.]  
  
Guido [all bandaged up, talking to Speedy]: Hey, Speedy. You all right?  
  
Speedy [also bandaged]: Yeah, I'm fine. You?  
  
Guido: I'll be ok. [calls over to Polly] Hi, Polly.  
  
[Polly is waiting on tables, and she has no bandages on. She ignores Guido.]  
  
Guido [to Speedy]: So, how long is she going to be like this  
  
Speedy: Well, cut her a break! I mean, you guys were supposed to be her friends and you just abandoned   
her.  
  
Guido: We tried to apologize, but she won't even listen to us. I don't want her to be mad at me for the rest   
of our lives over this.  
  
Speedy: I'll talk to her about it, ok. But, that's it.  
  
[Guido nods and Speedy heads off to talk to Polly. He finds her in their room, sitting on the bed.]  
  
Speedy: Hey, Polly? Guido wanted me to tell you he's sorry again.  
  
Polly (bitter): I don't have anything to say to Guido, or anyone else for that matter.  
  
Speedy: Oh, come on Polly. How long are you going to stay mad at them?  
  
Polly (annoyed): I don't know, Speedy. I want to forgive them, but I think I need some time away from   
them first. Just to work things out.  
  
Speedy: I understand. [pauses] Hey, why don't we spend the weekend in the next village? That way we   
can relax, enjoy ourselves and not worry about any akward moments with the others.  
  
Polly (smiles): That sounds nice. You deal with Francine, I'll pack.  
  
[Speedy nods and walks out of the room, while Polly gets out the suitcase. Cut to the jail. Andry is sitting   
in her cell, when a guard comes along and unlocks the door.]  
  
Guard: Ok lady, you made bail. Get moving.  
  
[Andry makes her way to the front of the jail, where she claims her things. Outside, she meets the man   
who posted bail.]  
  
BC: Good to see you again, my dear.  
  
Andry [drops to her knees]: Forgive me, Master Cheese. I have failed you.  
  
BC: Calm yourself, my dear. We shall do better next time. There is more than one way to skin a Samurai   
Pizza Cat.  
  
[With that Cheese and Andry walk out into the street, Andry stretching her whip as she walks. Cut to an   
over head shot of them walking through the streets of Little Tokyo. Cue the piano solo of The Stranger by   
Billy Joel. Fade out.]  
  
  
Send comments to Cervichson@aol.com  
  
Visit my website at http/members.tripod.com/GuidoCx17/Emporium.htm  
  



	3. Love & Technology

Samurai Pizza Cats: New Millenium  
  
  
Episode 3: Love & Technology  
  
Written By Guido Cerviche  
  
Rated PG  
  
[The episode opens in a dark room, where a young bunny girl appears to be welding something. She is   
about 15 years old, with brown eyes, black fur and white hair. As we zoom in closer we what appears to be   
a young male bunny, about 17 years old with brown fur and black hair, laying on an operation table in front   
of her. His eyes are closed. His chest cavity is open, and inside is circuitry which the girl is working on.]  
  
Girl: At school those spoiled, stuck-up, airheads all laughed at me and stole all the guys I liked. They said   
I'd never get a boyfriend. But after just a few more adjustments I, Naomi Hellstrome, will have the perfect   
boyfriend, and the last laugh!   
  
[Naomi tinkers with the circuitry a little more, then closes the chest cavity. The boy on the table is now   
appears perfectly normal. She attaches some electrodes to him, which are hooked up to a generator. She   
activates the generator, sending a brief electrical charge through him to jumpstart his system. The boy bolts   
up in a sitting position, gasping for breath.]  
  
Naomi (triumphant) [laughing maniacally]: HE'S ALIIIIVE!!  
  
Boy [pulling the electrodes off]: Damn that stung! [looks up] Huh? AHHH! [Naomi leaps onto his chest.]  
  
Naomi: Hi, Robby. Do you know who I am?  
  
Robby: Um, obviously not. In fact, I'm not really sure who I am. Or where.  
  
Naomi: I'm Naomi, your girlfriend. [suggestively] And we are going to be spending a LOT of time   
together.  
  
Robby [after a slight pause]: Ok.  
  
[Cut to the next morning, at the Pizza Parlor. It's a couple of weeks after the events in The Stranger, and   
Polly is once again on speaking terms with everyone. Currently, everyone is preparing the parlor for   
another busy, busy day. Just then, Lucille walks in.]  
  
Guido: Lucille! How are you?  
  
Lucille [gives him a long kiss]: I'm great, how about you?  
  
Guido: Wonderful, now that you're here.  
  
Francine: Nice to see you, Lucille. Stop by for some early breakfast?  
  
Lucille: Yes, I did. I have a busy day today. First, I have to help Wally clean the house and then Josie and   
I are going shopping later.  
  
Guido: By the way, where has your sister been? I haven't seen her lately.  
  
Lucille: Oh, well… She's been away on **ahem** a job.  
  
Jefferson: You have a sister?  
  
Francine: Of course she does! Get with the program, Jeff!  
  
Jefferson [makes a face at Fran, then turns to Lucille]: Why don't you bring her by later. I'd really like to   
meet her. [pauses, in thought] Is she single?  
  
Francine and Guido [in unison]: JEFF!  
  
Jefferson [confused]: What?  
  
GB [looks out the window, then turns to the others]: Excuse me. I hate to break up the staff meeting but   
our adoring fans will be here ANY SECOND!  
  
Speedy [sighs]: Already?  
  
[The cats spend the next few minutes zooming around the parlor, fixing it up. Before long the resturaunt is   
packed with customers, and everyone is busy.]  
  
Francine [calling out an order]: Double Pepperoni and mushrooms w/ extra Cheese!  
  
Speedy [grabs the pizza]: That's my table!  
  
Francine [again calling out an order]: Anchovies, artichokes and pesto!  
  
Jefferson [grabs the pizza]: I got it!  
  
Francine [again calling out an order]: Four Cheese, liver meatballs, and pineapple!  
  
Guido [grabing the pizza]: Who orders this stuff?  
  
Polly [hanging up the phone]: Guru Lou just ordered two Deep-Dish Bananna-Sausage-Mushroom Pizzas.   
Where's GB?  
  
Speedy [shouting over the ruckas]: Still out on delivery, I think. The last one was out by the- [trips]   
WHAAAA!!! [lands on the pizza he was carrying.]  
  
Polly [running towards him, concerned]: Speedy! [kneels down close to him] Are you ok?  
  
Speedy [looks up at her with a face of toppings]: I think so.  
  
[Polly smiles and kisses him. Or at lest she tries to, but she winds up with a piece of pepperoni in her   
mouth. The two of them giggle, and Polly proceeds to lick the toppings off Speedy's face. Fortunately for   
us, Francine soon spots them and puts a stop to it.]  
  
Francine [angry]: Excuse me, but this happens to be one of the busiest days we've had in a long time, and I   
don't appreciate you two getting all gross like that. If you guys wanna get kinky, do it on your own time.   
For now GET TO WORK!  
  
Speedy [still has a mushroom on his nose and a pepperoni on his cheek]: Yes, ma'am!  
  
Polly [also has a pepperoni hanging from her chin]: We're on it!  
  
[And with that their legs blur underneith them and they take off in opposite directions. The day wears on,   
with no sign of letting up. Finally, at the end of the day…]  
  
Speedy [mopping the floor]: Man… **huff** we haven't been **puff** this busy since **wheeze**   
before we hired Bad Bird.  
  
Jefferson [same]: You mean Good Bird.  
  
GB [wiping a table, looking tired]: No, actually he's referring to the first time they hired me which was   
back when I was Bad Bird.  
  
Guido [same]: Why the sudden boost in popularity?  
  
Polly [sitting at the counter, counting money with Francine]: This past month the parlor was featured both   
in Bon Appetite and the Resturaunt Guidebook of Little Tokyo. The good news is we got four stars in   
each.  
  
Speedy: Well for once I don't care how good our reviews are. I think we need help.  
  
Jefferson: Amen! [turns to Fran] Frannie, starting tomorrow you need to put up another help wanted sign.  
  
Francine: Excuse me Jefferson Manx, but I think I'll decide how to handle hiring policies around here, ok?  
  
Guido: Aw, come on Fran! It's been like this for the past five days in a row, and it doesn't look like it's   
going to stop.  
  
GB: Yeah. I get here at the crack of dawn and I'm exhausted by the time I go home. Carla's getting upset,   
because we don't spend anytime together anymore.  
  
Jefferson: No feather fluffing around the love-nest lately?  
  
GB [glaring]: That's none of your damn business.  
  
Francine [giving up]: Okay! Okay. Tomorrow I'll put out the word that we're hiring.  
  
[The others let out a hushed "YES!" and slap each other five. Francine glares at them and they go back to   
cleaning up. Once they're done, GB leaves and the others go to bed. The next morning, Francine places a   
sign outside announcing they're looking for work. The day wears on, and nothing happens. Finally,   
around mid-day a young female cat w/ pink hair looks over the sign. She's dressed in combat boots, tight   
black leather shorts, a red t-shirt exposing the midriff, and a black leather jacket.]  
  
Girl [thinking]: Well, it does say the pay is good.  
  
[With that, the girl walks towards the Pizza Parlor. Cut to inside, where the cats are on their lunch break.]  
  
Jefferson [lying on the floor] (exhausted): Ugh… Fran! I… can't go on like this. I'm… dying…  
  
Francine (annoyed): Jeff, grow up.  
  
Speedy [checks Jefferson pulse]: Fran, I think this is serious. His heart is racing.  
  
GB [loads Jefferson onto a stretcher]: I'll take him to the hospital.  
  
[As GB begins to take Jefferson out the door opens. In steps the girl who was looking at the sign.]  
  
Girl: Hi, I'm here about the part time position?  
  
Jefferson [leaps into the air and rushes towards the girl]: HEEEELLLLOOOO PRITTY LADYEEEEEEE!  
  
Francine [to Speedy, eyes narrow]: I thought you said his heart was racing.  
  
Speedy: Maybe his hormones are clairevoyant?  
  
Guido: I doubt that, Speedy. Even I'm not that good.  
  
[Walking up to the girl, Francine calmly pushes Jefferson aside. There is a loud crash off screen as   
Jefferson falls into a table, overturning it.]  
  
Francine: Sorry about that. Did you say you were here about the job?  
  
Girl: That's right. And, who might you be?  
  
Francine: My name Francine Manx. I'm the manager of the Pizza Cat.   
  
Girl: I see. Then I guess you're the one I talk to.  
  
Francine [nods]: Come on in and get settled. I'll be with you in a moment. [Gets out her notebook and a   
pencil.] Oh Speedy, could you wake Polly up and ask her to clear the tables please?  
  
Speedy: No prob, Fran.  
  
[Speedy walks back towards the bedrooms as Francine begins interviewing the girl. Coming to the room   
he and Polly share, Speedy opens the door to find her laying on the bed. Quietly, he tiptoes over to her and   
gently kisses her on the cheek. Polly wakes up, sees him standing over her, and smiles.]  
  
Speedy: Feeling better, hon?  
  
Polly [stretches]: Oh yeah, definantly. I told you all I needed was a little nap.  
  
Speedy: Hopefully you'll sleep better tonight.   
  
Polly [rising out of bed]: Oh, don't worry about tonight. [smiles mischevously] Something tells me we'll   
both be sleeping much better…  
  
Speedy [quietly to himself, his eyes cast upward]: There is a God… [Polly grins at him. Suddenly Speedy   
snaps his fingers, as if remembering something.] Oh, right. Francine wants you to help clear the tables, and   
we have a new applicant for the part-time position.  
  
Polly [putting her apron on]: Already?  
  
Speedy [escorting her out of the room]: Are you kidding? If she had arrived yesterday it wouldn't have   
been soon enough-  
  
[At that moment they entered the resturaunt area. Instantly, Polly's eyes met those of the new girl. Both of   
them reacted as if they had seen a ghost.]  
  
Polly [shocked] (overwhelmed): IT'S-  
  
Girl [same] (same): IT'S-  
  
Both [same] (same): IT'S… YOU!!!  
  
[Ecstatic to see each other, the two girls run forward and embrace. The air is instantly filled with ceaseless   
chatter between Polly and the newcomer who are obviously familiar with each other.]  
  
Speedy [stunned]: Um… Does someone want to fill me in, please?  
  
Francine: Speedy Cerviche [gestures to the new girl] meet Ruth Esther.  
  
Speedy [even more stunned]: Ruth Esther…? You mean…  
  
Polly [overjoyed]: My sister!  
  
[Speedy stares in stunned silence for a moment. Cut to a few minutes later. Everyone is sitting down now,   
and Francine is busy interviewing Ruth.]  
  
Ruth: So, I hopped a plane back to Little Tokyo and here I am.  
  
Polly: At least you finally got some sense in your head. Dad and I tried to tell you that guy was a jerk.  
  
Ruth: Cut me a break, sis. I was 17 and he said he knew someone at a movie studeo who could make me   
star. I know it sounds lame now, but at the time it sounded like a dream come true.  
  
Polly: I still think you should've known better. I know I wouldn't have fallen for such a dumb line.  
  
GB: Uh, Polly? What about when I tricked you and Lucille into becoming the Pointless-  
  
Polly [interrupting, holds up her hand to silence him]: GB, shut up.  
  
Francine: But you did say you were in a few movies.  
  
Ruth: Well yeah, if you consider "Space Mutants VIII", and the "Demon Party" series movies. The   
closest I came to any serious acting was a few bit parts.  
  
Speedy: I think I remember you from the "Space Mutants" movie. You were the Australian girl who got   
killed towards the end, right.  
  
Ruth [depressed]: Yeah, that was my big part.  
  
Francine: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I've finished grading your aptitude test. [Both Ruth and   
Polly snap to attention, eager to hear the result.] You only missed two questions. That's the second highest   
score ever.  
  
Polly [surprised]: You're kidding! She out scored me?  
  
Francine: Only by one question Polly.  
  
Ruth (slightly smug): Do I detect a hint of competitiveness in your voice, Polly? You do remember what   
Dr. Bates said about our sibling rivalry, right?  
  
[Polly growls in an annoyed fashion. The others gulp. They are not at all anxious to see what the Esther   
sisters are like when their sibling rivalry is in full swing.]  
  
Francine [clears her throat]: Well, all that remains now is the personality test.  
  
Polly: Oh, I don't think that will be nessecary, Francine. Ruth has always been extremely socialble. She's   
even friendlier and more curteous than I am.  
  
Jefferson [muttering to himself]: That's not hard. [Polly's fist immediately retorts by slamming into his   
mouth. Jefferson soars across the room and this time has the good fortune to land in a booth.]  
  
[Ruth, on the other hand, is much more appreciative of Polly's endorsement. She smiles upon hearing it,   
although her smile quickly becomes a wince when Jefferson becomes airborn.]  
  
Francine: Ok Polly, your word is good enough for me. [extends her hand to Ruth] Welcome aboard.  
  
[Ruth happily shakes Francine's hand. Cut to the streets of Little Tokyo, where Naomi and Robby are out   
on a date.]  
  
Naomi: So, where do you want to go first?  
  
Robby: Well, I am a little hungry. Why don't we have something to eat?  
  
Naomi: Great! I think I know the perfect spot. Feel like sushi?  
  
Robby: Either that or pizza. Your choice, Pumpkin.  
  
[Naomi blushes a little, and the two of them enter Wally's Sushi Bar & Grill. They order the Delux Sushi   
meal and split it between the two of them. Just then, three girls from Naomi's school walk up to them and   
begin to taunt her.]   
  
Girl 1: Well, well. Look who's here. Doing an assignment on marine life, brainiac?  
  
Girl 2: Nah, she's trying to get even smarter. You know how fish is supposed to be brainfood.  
  
Girl 3: Good luck on winning the Nobel Prize, Miss Know-it-all. You'll have plenty of time to work on it   
without a social life.  
  
Robby: Excuse me girls, but were we bothing you somehow?  
  
Girl 1 [eyes narrow] (suspicious): Who are you?  
  
Naomi: Girls, I don't believe you've met my new boyfriend. His name is Robby.  
  
Girl 1: What!? You've got a boyfriend?  
  
Girl 3: No way!  
  
Girl 2: And he's a cutie too! [leans in close to Robby] I guess he doesn't know what he's missing. I could   
show him some real fun. (suggestively) What d'ya say honey?  
  
Robby: Sorry, I have a policy against girls whose cup sizes are bigger than their IQs.  
  
[The other girls blink in disbelief and outrage. Robby calmly goes back to eating his sushi. Naomi is   
looking extremely pleased with herself and Robby.]  
  
Naomi: You heard him girls. Why don't you go let a little air out of your heads before you float away?  
  
[Indignantly, the girls storm off. Naomi turns back to the sushi and resumes eating it with Robby.]  
  
Naomi: I can't believe it. He told them off! He'd rather be with me than with one of them!  
  
[Cut back to the resturaunt, where Francine is preparing Ruth for her new waitressing job. Vigilant   
observers will note that Ruth is wearing the same waitress uniform Polly Andry did when she masqueraded   
as Polly Esther.]  
  
Francine: So Ruth, do you have any other questions?  
  
Ruth: Yeah, do you mind introducing me to everyone? I always like to know whom I'm working with.  
  
Francine [looks sheepish]: Oh! I can't believe I almost forgot that. [composes herself] Ok then, let me fix   
that. [Gestures to GB] This is Good Bird. We call him GB. He handles most of the deliveries. [GB   
greets Ruth and shakes her hand. Francine moves on to Jefferson.] This is my cousin, Jefferson Manx.  
  
Jefferson [shakes Ruth's hand]: Nice to meet you. So, you free Saturday night?  
  
[Ruth giggles. Francine glares at Jeff.]  
  
Francine: He's a bit of a pervert, but you get used to him. [She moves on to Guido.] This is Guido   
Anchovy. He was one of our first employees.  
  
Ruth [sees Guido]: Hubba hubba.  
  
Guido [gulps and looks uncofortable]: Uh, thank you, but I have a girlfriend.  
  
[Francine glares slightly at Ruth, who doesn't notice. They move on to Speedy]  
  
Ruth: You're cute too. What's your name?  
  
Polly [annoyed]: His name is Speedy Cerviche, and he's my husband. [Shows Ruth their rings.]  
  
Ruth: Wait. Polly, you got married and never told me?  
  
Polly: Ruth, you ran away from home, remember? We had no idea how to contact you, let alone invite you   
to the wedding.  
  
Ruth [disappointed]: I guess you're right…   
  
[Cut to about 10 minutes later when the parlor is swarming with customers. Ruth is moving swiftly around   
the parlor, cheerfully waiting on tables. Speedy and Guido are also waiting on tables, although less swiftly   
and cheerfully. Polly is preparing the food, and Francine is working the register. GB and Jefferson are   
absent, out on deliveries.]  
  
Francine: Wow, look at her! Polly, hiring your sister is probably the best decision we ever made!  
  
Polly: She certainly is energetic. Of course, she's always that way around cute boys.  
  
Francine [grins]: Speaking of which, she's certainly been attracting a lot of cute seniors from the high   
school! [giggles mischevously]  
  
Polly [rolling her eyes]: Don't get too carried away, Fran. Most students are notoriously poor.  
  
Francine [shrugs]: Oh well. Money isn't everything.  
  
Polly [eyes narrow, looks at Fran suspiciously]: Who are you and what have you done with Francine?  
  
[Francine playfully sticks her tounge out at Polly just as the phone rings. Quickly, she rushes over to   
answer it.]  
  
Francine: Samurai Pizza Cats! Our dough is fresh, and our pizzas are hot. But over 30 minutes, your   
directions are not! [pause] Oh, hi Big Al! What's the emergency? [pause] Oh, I see. Thank goodness.   
So, what would you like? Got it: one medium caesar salad pizza. Would you like an order of fried   
mozzerella sticks with that? [pause] Oh, you're watching your cholesterol. Good thinking. I'll send our   
new delivery girl down to meet you with the food. [pause] Yeah, she just started. She's very nice. Talk to   
you soon, Al! Bye! [Hangs up] Hey Ruth, we have a special delivery for you!  
  
Ruth [rushes over]: Great! Where to?  
  
Francine: This one is for Big Al Dente, the Royal Security Officer. Make sure it gets there hot!  
  
Ruth [zooms out the door with the Pizza]: Relax, I'm on it!  
  
Speedy [watches Ruth run out of the parlor]: We've hired a gas molecule! [to Polly] Hasn't she ever heard   
of Decaf?  
  
Polly: She doesn't drink coffee.  
  
Guido [sarcastically]: Oh, I'd love to see her after about 3 espressos.  
  
Francine [w/ yen signs in her eyes]: So would I.  
  
[At that moment, Lucille and her big sister Josie enter the resturaunt and sit at the counter.]  
  
Josie: Hi, guys! How ya doing?  
  
Guido: Absolutely fantastic. So, what can I get you gorgeous girls for lunch?  
  
[Lucille giggles, and Josie blushes slighty. As they are giving Guido their orders, Jefferson returns from a   
delivery. There is a bright red mark on his face in the shape of a fist on his face.]  
  
Francine: JEFF! What have you done now!  
  
Jefferson [annoyed]: I'll tell you the samething I told her father: Nothing happened! Besides, she made the   
first move-  
  
[At that moment, Josie turns around and her eyes meet Jefferson's. He stops dead in his tracks. They   
remain motionless for a moment, and simply stare into each other's eyes. Suddenly, the pupils in Jeff's   
eyes are replaced with hearts, his jaw hits the ground, and steam shoots out of his ears.]  
  
Francine [clearly embarrassed]: Typical. [to Josie] On behalf of my cousin, I apologize.  
  
Josie [chuckles slightly]: It's ok. I get that all the time. [to Jefferson] You must be Jefferson.  
  
Jefferson: Igntfisuruahiauwinuray!  
  
Lucille [confused]: Say what?  
  
Guido: I didn't think it was physically possible, but Jefferson is being even more of a moron than he   
usually is around girls.  
  
Josie [ignoring them]: It's nice to finally meet you. Lucille has already told me so much about you, I feel   
like I know you initmately.  
  
Jefferson: Darf ich zur toilette gehen? {Roughly translated this means "May I please use the restroom?" in   
german. Unfortunatly this does Jefferson little good as no one in the resturaunt understands german,   
including him.}  
  
Speedy [said slowly]: Oooookay…  
  
[Josie smiles and turns back to Guido to give him the rest of her order. She begins searching her handbag   
for something, and it becomes evidant she cannot find it. She begins to panick.]  
  
Josie: Oh shoot, I can't believe this!  
  
Polly: What's wrong?  
  
Josie: I can't find my pocketbook! [turns to Lucille] I must've taken it out after we went shopping   
yesterday!  
  
Francine: Josie, its no big deal. You're Lucille's sister! You can pay us later.  
  
Josie [ignoring Fran]: I'm going back to get it. I'll just be a minute. [She runs out the door.]  
  
Jefferson (weakly): Heart? You may resume beating, now.  
  
Francine [grabs his shoulder] (tensely): May I have a word with you?  
  
[Before Jefferson can reply, Fran drags him behind the counter where the others are already waiting for   
him.]  
  
Francine: I've seen you act like an idiot before, but that was a complete braindrain! What was with you?  
  
Jefferson: Do any of you know who that was?  
  
Guido: Yes. That was Lucille's sister Josie. [suspicious] I thought you said you never met her?  
  
Jefferson: I didn't, but I still recognized her. She's really big in the hentai industry.  
  
Speedy [missed him completely]: I'm sorry, what?  
  
Jefferson: She's a porn star.  
  
[There's a pause while everyone considers this. Finally, Guido just shrugs.]  
  
Guido: Oh, well that explains everything. Here I thought my life couldn't get any stranger and it turns out   
my girlfriend's sister does hentai. No wonder Lucille got uncomfortable everytime I asked about Josie's   
job.  
  
Francine: Wait, let me get this straight. You recognized her from her "movies", right Jeff?  
  
Jefferson: That's right. She's one of my favorites. I've been following her carreer since her third film-  
  
Francine [interrupting]: Okay, okay okay! I'm sorry I asked.  
  
Polly [to Speedy]: Well, this was certainly a shock, wasn't it Speedy? [notices he's not beside her like he   
was a moment ago.] Speedy?  
  
Speedy [following Jefferson, turns to Polly]: One sec, hon! [turns back to Jefferson] So, anyway Jeff, what   
movies were you referring to?  
  
[Polly grabs Speedy by the collar and drags him away in annoyance. Cut to Big Al's office, across the city,   
where Ruth has just arrived with the pizza. She walks up to his door and knocks on it.]  
  
Big Al [waking up from a nap] (groggy): Huh, wha? [shakes his head] Hmph. That better not be more   
Jehova's Witnesses.  
  
[Reluctantly, he stumbles to the door and opens it. He looks much happier when he sees Ruth there with   
the pizza.]  
  
Ruth: Hello, Pizza Cats Pizza!  
  
Big Al: Ah, welcome. You must be the new delivery girl.  
  
Ruth: That's right. The name is Ruth Esther.  
  
Big Al (curious): Esther? Are you related to Polly?  
  
Ruth: She's my big sister. You know her?  
  
Big Al: Of course! We've worked together for many years.  
  
Ruth (suspicious): Doing what?  
  
Big Al [sweatdrops]: Oh, bullshoot! They didn't tell her that they're the Samurai Pizza Cats! Polly   
must've had a reason for not wanting her to know, and I almost blew the secret. I don't want her mad at me   
again! (nervous) Uh, well, um, see… I helped them get the permit for the resturaunt.  
  
Ruth (still suspicious): You're the Royal Security Officer. How would you help them do that?  
  
[Big Al is getting more nervous by the second. Before he can even attempt to answer, however, one of his   
aides dashes in looking frantic.]  
  
Aide [worried]: Mr. Dente! We have an emergency! We just received word of a battalion of Ninja Crows   
attacking citizens and shops in the commercial district!  
  
Big Al: Thank you, Harrison. I'll call them right away! [Harrison leaves, and Al picks up the phone.]   
Operateror, give me the Samurai Pizza Cats!  
  
[Commercial Break]  
  
[Cue the launch sequence.]  
  
Jefferson [voice coming over the loudspeaker]: Ladies and Gentlemen, now is the time! We're blasting off   
the Pizza Cats with a brand new rhyme. Here they come to save the day, so stay behind the white line and   
out of their way!  
  
[Jefferson launches the cats into the air. After a moment, the scene cuts back to him in the parlor. After   
watching the monitor for a moment, Jefferson picks up the phone and resumes talking to Al Dente.]  
  
Jefferson: Mr. Dente? Hi, it's Jefferson. Yes, I just launched them. They should be there in moments.  
  
[Back in Al Dente's office…]  
  
Big Al: Excellent work, Jefferson. This is one of the most aggressive Ninja Crow attacks yet, and the   
sooner the Pizza Cats can get to work, the better.  
  
Ruth [more to herself than anyone else]: Jefferson? Jefferson Manx?  
  
Big Al [realizes Ruth is still there and panics]: Huh, um… Like I said, good work! Talk to you later!   
[hangs up and turns back to Ruth] I'm sorry, Ms. Esther, I didn't realize you were still there.  
  
Ruth: Why would I leave? You haven't paid me yet.  
  
Big Al: Oh, yes, of course. Let me get that taken care of and then you can… [stops dead in his tracks]   
Wait! I can't send her back to an empty pizza parlor! She's bound to figure it out then. …Stay right   
here!  
  
Ruth [confused]: Excuse me?  
  
Big Al [digs through his wallet]: Well, I can't let you go back to the parlor with those Ninja Crows hanging   
around! You could get hurt, and I'd never forgive myself if that happened. No, you must stay here where   
it's safe, at least until the Samurai Pizza Cats have had a chance to clear the way. [hands her the money   
and pushes her out the door] There, now you take this and wait outside my office until the danger is over.   
I have lots of important work to do.  
  
Ruth [checks the money]: Mr. Dente, the pizza was $12.95. This is a fifty!  
  
Big Al [desperate to get her out of his office]: Keep the change. Now please, I'm very busy!  
  
[He finally get her out and slams the door. Ruth stands there, first looking shocked and then frustrated.]  
  
Ruth: Weirdo. [Still suspicious] What's he hiding?  
  
[She checks around to make sure no one is looking, and then peaks between the blinds on the glass in the   
office door. On the other side she sees Big Al, doing some paperwork and glancing at a computer terminal.   
After a moment he puts the paperwork aside, opens a drawer, and takes out a remote control. He presses a   
button and the wall opens up to reveal a large view screen. On the screen is an overhead view of the Ninja   
Crows' assault on Little Tokyo. We zoom in on the view screen until the attack is all we see. At that point   
the Pizza Cats literally seem to drop into the picture, crashing into a nearby wall. Cut to a normal view of   
GB helping them up.]  
  
GB [wryly]: How early the fruit is falling this season.  
  
Guido [in a very foul mood]: Zip your beak, birdbrain.  
  
Speedy: We didn't expect to see you here, GB.  
  
GB: I was on my way back from the delivery when I noticed the disturbance. I figured I'd check things out   
and wait for you guys.  
  
Polly: Good thinking. So what's the scoop?  
  
GB: About 50 crows, led by our good buddy Roland, showed up about a block away and started tearing   
through the street, knocking over shops and attacking civilians. According the witnesses, they seem to be   
looking for something.  
  
Francine: Like what?  
  
GB: Unknown. They also seem to be heading in the direction of the Pizza Parlor, but that may just be a   
coincident.  
  
Guido: Well, why don't we just ask them? They're practically here anyway.  
  
[The cats turn to face the oncoming crowd of crows. Just as GB said, Roland is out front, in new armor. It   
resembles GB's but is jet black with spiky red shoulderpads and gauntlets. As usual, the emblem of the   
Flying Skull is blazen on his chest.]  
  
Speedy: Hello there, Roland. You're looking much better since I last saw you.  
  
Roland [sneering]: I knew we'd run into you and your little flea-bitten buddies.  
  
Polly: This is as far as we let you go, Roland! If you want us then come and get us, but leave these people   
alone!  
  
Roland: I know this will come as a crushing blow to your ego, Mrs. Cerviche, but this has nothing to do   
with any of you. You cats should learn to mind your own business. It would be better for you in the long   
run.  
  
Francine: This town IS our business, creep! You're going to pay for hurting all these innocent people!  
  
Roland: We'll see about that. [shouts to the crows] ATTACK!  
  
[Cawing in fury, the crows launch themselves at the Pizza Cats. Speedy and the others leap into the air,   
land in the middle of the oncoming swarm and dispatch several ninja crows each. The remaining crows   
surround the cats and move in for the kill.]  
  
[Speedy wields his blade like a surgeon's scalpel, slicing with ruthless efficiency. Three crows go down   
with deep slashes in their armor. A fourth one makes the mistake of engaging Speedy in a swordfight,   
eventually loosing his sword and shortly after that consciousness. A fifth one tries to sneak up on him from   
behind, and catches the business end of Speedy's elbow to his face.]  
  
Crow 1 [to the other crows surrounding Polly]: All right fellas! Who wants a new Polly Esther fur coat?  
  
Polly: Go ahead, lovebirds. I always give the people what they want! [Begins her "Paws of Passion   
Power" move. The crows begin to float towards her against their will. The screen goes black, Polly   
screeches, and red claw marks appear in a zig-zag pattern. We rejoin the action and six ninja crows are   
lying on the ground in excrutiating pain.]  
  
[Quickly cut back to outside Al Dente's office, where Ruth is still spying on the action.]  
  
Ruth [enjoying the sight]: Ha ha! Way to go sis! Take that you lousy crows!  
  
[And now back to the fight. Guido lets loose a blast from the Sunspot that fries two crows in their tracks.   
Two others rush him from either side. He jumps into the air and slams the umbrella down on their heads,   
knocking them cold.]  
  
[Another crow tries to sneak up on Guido, but Francine tackles him to the ground. Sensing weakness, three   
other crows move towards her intent on making her beg for mercy. Francine quickly removes a Cash   
Bomb {similar to one of Polly's Heart Bombs, but in the shape of a dollar sign} and tosses it at the   
oncoming ninjas. It explodes on impact, sending them flying.]  
  
[GB is leading a group of five ninja crows on an acrobatic aerial chase, and he's flying circles around them.   
In fact, two of the crows crash into each other chasing after him. Suddenly he launches himself into a steep   
dive, pulling up only at the last minute. Two of the remaining crows manage to follow him, the third slams   
face first into the dirt. GB swoops around and smashes one crow in the back of the head with his sword.   
The second one flys at full speed right at him. GB finishes him with a welltimed kick, which the crow flies   
right into.]  
  
[By this time, a number of spectators have gathered to watch the fight. Amoung them are Naomi and   
Robby.]  
  
Naomi: Wow, these guys are great!  
  
Robby: I'm glad they're here. Those ninja crows were getting pretty close to where we were. You   
could've gotten hurt.  
  
[As if on cue, one of the crows Guido was advancing on leaps into the crowd and grabs Naomi.]  
  
Crow 2: All right, Pizza Cat! Back off or the girl gets hurt!  
  
[He presses his sword against her throat to make a point. Naomi lets out a strangled cry.]  
  
Guido: Let her go!  
  
Crow 2: Back off!  
  
[Suddenly, the crow's eyes bug out of his head as Robby grabs his neck. Robby's face is a mask of rage.]  
  
Robby: You heard him. LET HER GO!  
  
[The crow drops the sword and Robby lifts him into the air, ripping his grasp of Naomi. He then launches   
the crow over the length of several football fields, causing him to soar out of sight. Guido and the Pizza   
Cats stare in awe, and Roland's eyes grow wide.]  
  
Roland [points]: That's him! He's the one!  
  
[Robby is staring in the direction of the tossed crow, horrified at what he's done. Upon hearing Roland's   
voice he turns toward him, and then begins to run. Naomi calls after him, but in vain. Roland and the   
remaining crows give chase. The pizza cats attempt to follow, but when the crows loose Robby they   
disperse and the cats are forced to give up.]  
  
Speedy [as they turn around in defeat]: Come on, guys. Let's go home.  
  
Guido [still amazed]: Man, did you see how far he threw that crow? Who was that guy?  
  
Francine: Maybe the question isn't who, but what?  
  
GB: Well, the easy answer is he's what Roland and the others were searching for.  
  
Polly: Well then shouldn't we make sure we find him before the crows do? If either Cheese or Fat Bunny   
gets ahold of him, we could have serious trouble.  
  
Speedy: We don't know enough about what we're dealing with. We should head back to the parlor and   
contact Guru Lou and Scott. We'll have Big Al provide them with the battle footage so they can see what   
happened.  
  
[The cats continue home, perplexed by the day's events. Cut to Fat Bunny's lair, where Roland and the   
crows are explaining what happened.]  
  
Roland: And once again, everything would've been fine if the Pizza Brats hadn't interfered.  
  
Fat Bunny: Pizza Cats or not, you have still failed me Roland. That is not something I appreciate,   
especially in light of recent events, which have placed your loyalty at question.  
  
Roland [restraining himself]: My loyalty is first and formost to Master Atrick and the Flying Skull.   
Besides, there was no conflict of interest.  
  
Fat Bunny: And that is your only saving grace. Go behind my back again, and I may not be so forgiving.  
  
Roland: Understood. Now then, your orders?  
  
Fat Bunny: You say the android became angry when the young girl who was with him was threatened. I   
suspect she is his creator, and he will undoubtedly try to return to her. Find her, stake out her residence,   
and apprehend the android when he arrives.  
  
Roland: As you wish, Don Costanza.  
  
[Roland and the crows leave. Don Costanza turns towards the aged Ninja Crow in the background, his   
partner Elliot "Elle" Durly.]  
  
Fat Bunny: He seems to have a problem with authority.  
  
Elliot: Not really. He just sees loyalty to the clan as a higher priorty than loyalty to his employer.  
  
Fat Bunny: Hmph. And I suppose being Jerry Atrick's great-nephew and eldest male decendant has   
nothing to do with it.  
  
Elliot: Well, that might also be a factor. But he really is the best choice to lead the troops. He's cold   
blooded, methodical, ruthless, and he's not weighed down by weaknesses like compassion or love.  
  
Fat Bunny: Unlike our friend Bad Bird.  
  
[Elliot nods.]  
  
Fat Bunny: Still, I'm concerened. Atrick is far too loyal to Seymour and so, by extention, is Roland. If   
Seymour chooses to move against us, we could have a problem.  
  
Elliot: What do you suggest?  
  
Fat Bunny: I think we should shop around for another assistant. This android we're searching for now   
might be a good choice. After all, loyalty is so much more reliable if you can program it in.  
  
[FB grins evilly, and Elliot nods. Cut back to the Pizza Parlor, where the cats have just arrived. Ruth is   
leaning against a table, waiting for them with a devilish grin on her face. Lucille is no longer there; she and   
Josie have long since ate and left. Jefferson is behind the counter reading a CATMAN comic book. As the   
cats walk in he casts a nervous glance at Polly.]  
  
Ruth: Interesting job you guys have.  
  
Polly: What do you mean?  
  
Ruth: Don't play dumb, Pol. You know what I'm talking about. [walks up to her] How come when you   
hired me you forgot to tell me you guys are really the legendary Samurai Pizza Cats?  
  
[Polly's look of shock quickly turns to one of rage.]  
  
Polly [furious]: JEFFERSON! HOW DARE YOU TELL MY SISTER SOMETHING LIKE THAT   
WITHOUT CHECKING WITH ME FIRST!   
  
[Polly storms up to Jeff, frying pan in hand.]  
  
Jefferson [for once more angry at Polly than scared of her]: I know this is exactly the sort of thing you think   
I'd do, but this time I'm completely innocent. Ruth already knew your secret when she came back from   
delivery, so I suggest you take up the matter with Big Al. Of course that might not be a good career move   
for you.  
  
Ruth: I doubt it. When Dente found out I saw the battle from his view screen he was practically scared to   
death. You've earned a very well deserved reputation, sis.  
  
[Polly folds her arms and glares at her sister. Speedy and the others fidget uncomfortably in the tense   
silence.]  
  
Ruth: Well, that leaves just one question.  
  
Speedy: Which is?  
  
Ruth: How can I get a piece of the action?  
  
Speedy: Well, I suppose we could take you back down to Big Al and ask-  
  
Polly [interrupting] (assertive): You can't.  
  
Speedy: Exactly. [turns to Polly] Why not?  
  
Ruth [upset]: Yeah, why not?  
  
Polly: It's too dangerous. And she doesn't have any combat training.  
  
Ruth: Oh, come on! Didn't you see me in "Dungeon Fighter II" and III? That wasn't a stunt double doing   
those scenes you know.  
  
Polly: This isn't Hollywood, Ruth. Those crows we were fighting had real weapons and they would've   
killed us if they could.  
  
Ruth: Oh please, I saw how you guys handled them. They would've been more dangerous if they HAD   
been actors.  
  
Polly [getting annoyed]: I'm sorry Ruth, but the answer is no.  
  
Ruth [getting angry]: Listen, I know you're used to intimidating everyone into getting your way, but I'm   
not afraid of you! Just because your temper scares the crap out of everyone-  
  
Polly [very upset]: I SAID NO! [There is an extremely tense pause, as Polly attempts to compose herself.   
In the meantime, no one says or does anything.] You know Dad doesn't even know you're back in town   
yet. I don't want him to have to find out through a call from the hospital. Or a visit to the morgue. The   
answer is no.  
  
[Her anger spent, Polly walks to her room and shuts the door. Speedy follows to comfort her, and Ruth   
marches angrily out the door. The remaining cats stand in stunned silence.]  
  
Guido [after a long pause]: So, who's up for a movie? I rented "Fight Club".  
  
GB [referring to the preceeding chaos]: I think we just saw it.  
  
Francine: Either that, or "The Perfect Storm".  
  
[Jefferson nods in agreement. Cut to an exterior shot of Naomi's home, worm's eye view. We hear the   
flutter of wings, and several taloned feet appear on screen. Cut to a close up of the Ninja Crows, whose   
faces are made more menacing by the shadows of the alley they are hiding in.]  
  
Crow 1 [into a two-way radio]: Sir, we have located the girl's residence. No sign of the android yet.  
  
Roland [voice coming over the radio]: He'll show. The girl is the only one he trusts. Maintain your   
position.  
  
Crow 1: Roger that, sir. Over and out. [turns off radio and puts it away]  
  
[Inside her house Naomi is sitting at the kitchen table, crying. She's sick with worry over Robby.]  
  
Naomi: Stop crying! This isn't helping. He's just scared of what happened. He'll come back soon   
enough. You're the only one he feels safe with. [pause] I'm such an idiot. He doesn't even know what   
he is. No wonder he freaked.  
  
[The doorbell rings and Naomi jumps, startled. She gives a slight, bitter sob, composes herself, and   
answers the door. It's Robby.]  
  
Naomi: Robby. Thank goodness you're safe!  
  
Robby (desperate): What's happened to me, Naomi? How did I do that, back there?  
  
Naomi: I'll explain everything. Are you hurt?  
  
Robby: No, I'm fine. I mean, I think I'm fine. I mean- [frustrated] Shoot! Naomi, I'm so confused!   
What's happened to me? What am I?  
  
[Naomi tries to say something, but the words won't come. The two of them stare at each other for a   
moment, then move closer to kiss. Suddenly, the house is rocket by an explosion that blasts them both off   
their feet. When the dust settles, Naomi coughs and both of them raise their heads. Standing in front of   
them is a troop of 10 Ninja Crows.]  
  
Crow 1: The boss would like a word with you, Android.  
  
Robby [confused]: Android?  
  
[The crows move in for the kill. They surround Robby and try to restrain him. Robby struggles and knocks   
several of them out. Naomi tries to help him, but Roland flaps down and tosses her into the wall, knocking   
her out. Robby dashes towards him in anger, but is blocked by four Ninja Crows. In his fury he makes   
short work of them, but this gives Roland enough time to toss an EMP Grenade. The resulting pulse of   
energy fries Robby's circuitry, and he colapses in a heap. Roland and the three still-conscious Ninja Crows   
gather around him.]  
  
Roland: Take him.  
  
Crow 2: What about the girl and our fallen comrads?  
  
Roland: Leave them. The girl is not a threat, and it'll take too long to drag the others back with us.  
  
Crow 2: Understood.  
  
[The crows put Robby over their shoulders and fly off with him. Roland surveys the damage and grins   
sadisticly before following.]  
  
[Commercial Break]  
  
[Fade back up on a shot of the Ninja Crows repairing Robby. Roland and FB are watching.]  
  
Roland: He needed a lot of work, but they're almost done. I'm surprised he was so badly damaged.  
  
FB (sharply): Well, she probably wasn't anticipating him going up against an EMP blast.  
  
Roland (annoyed): Would you have preferred I let him get away again? I told you how strong he was.  
  
FB: So in other words, with out the EMP you would not have been able to defeat him? That's a very poor   
confession coming from the heir of the great Jerry Atrick. [Roland glares in fury, but does nothing.] Oh   
well, it matters not. We shall have him back online soon enough. Is his new programming ready?  
  
Roland: The whiz kids are putting the finishing touches on it as we speak. He'll be completely loyal.   
  
FB: I'm sure he will. And should anything go wrong this time, I've taken the liberty of installing a failsafe   
system for you to fall back on.  
  
Roland: A failsafe system, sir? What do you mean?  
  
FB: I'm sure that Elliot can fill you in. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting with the Royal Council   
and I can't afford to be late.  
  
[FB leaves. Cut back to the parlor. Speedy is on the videophone with Big Al.]  
  
Big Al: I talked with Guru Lou and Scott. According to them the guy you saw was probably an extremely   
life-like android.  
  
Speedy: An android? You mean like Data from Star Trek?  
  
Naomi [off screen, behind Speedy]: More like Marie from Metal Angel Marie.  
  
Speedy [startled, jumps several feet in the air]: YAAAHHH!!!  
  
[Everyone in the parlor turns towards Naomi, who just walked in.]  
  
Francine: Can we help you, miss?  
  
Naomi: Yeah, you guys are the Samurai Pizza Cats, right?  
  
Ruth (annoyed): Man, was I the ONLY ONE IN TOWN who didn't know?  
  
Jefferson: In a word: yes.  
  
Ruth [eyes narrow]: Thanks, that clears up some confusion.  
  
Guido [ignoring them]: Yes that's us. [suddenly recognizes her] Hey, you're that girl we saw in the battle   
today! The one with the android!  
  
Naomi: Yes, that was me. My name's Naomi Hellstrome, and I'm a Freshman at Little Tokyo Highschool.  
  
Guido: I see. What about the android?  
  
Naomi: His name is Robby. I built him.  
  
GB [shocked]: What?! You built that weapon of mass destruction?!  
  
Naomi: I didn't design him to be a weapon! He's just very protective of me. [She looks down,   
embarassed.] H-he's supposed to be my boyfriend.  
  
Polly [confused]: Excuse me?  
  
Naomi: Like in that anime Metal Angel Marie. That's where I got the idea. The boy in that built an   
android designed after his dream girl. Only I didn't design Robby after any one boy. [turns away from   
them, angry] I was just sick of all the guys I liked passing me over everytime some cheap slut in a   
cheerleader outfit passed by! All they had to do is wiggle their shapely butts and the next thing I knew it   
was "Bye Naomi, maybe we can study later!"  
  
[Jefferson looks at Naomi with a pang of sympathy. After all, he hasn't had much luck in the love   
department lately.]  
  
Speedy: Ok, so you didn't mean any harm. Obviously, Fat Bunny somehow found out about your bionic   
boyfriend and sent the Ninja Crows after him.  
  
GB: So, why did he bolt? He could've taken them all out, including Roland.  
  
Naomi: That was my fault. I made a stupid mistake when I designed him. I didn't program him with the   
knowledge that he was an android. I was afraid he would hate me for only designing him to be a   
companion.  
  
Polly: Well that explains why he freaked out. We definitely have to find him.  
  
Naomi: Oh, I know where he is. That's why I came here. The Ninja Crows have him  
  
Francine: WHAT?! How do you know?  
  
Naomi: Robby came back to my house a few hours ago. Shortly after that we were attacked by Ninja   
Crows. I was knocked out during the struggle, and when I came to he was gone. I think they used an EMP   
on him. Most of the equipment in my house was fried.  
  
Guido: This is serious. Speedy, if the Ninja Crows have turned Robby over to Fat Bunny, it could be too   
late. With a few modifacations, he could probably level the city!  
  
Speedy: We'll have to act fast. Naomi, do you have anything which could help us?  
  
Naomi: Yes, I do. [removes a case with a few CD-Rom disks from her purse] I kept these in a special EMP   
protected container, so they weren't damaged by the blast. These are Robby's design specifacations and   
personalty matrix.  
  
Speedy: Excellent. I'll go online and send these to Lou and Scott. They can probably get a trace Robby   
based on his energy signature or maybe his broadcasting specifactions.  
  
Polly [impressed]: I didn't know you were so technically minded, dear.  
  
Speedy [turning on the computer]: Don't get too excited. I have no idea what I just said.  
  
[Polly's eyes widen in disbelief, and she falls over. Jefferson walks over to Naomi, nervously.]  
  
Jefferson: Uh, Ms. Hellstrome?  
  
Naomi: You can call me, Naomi.  
  
Jefferson: Ok. Naomi, do you think you could do me a favor?  
  
Naomi: Sure. What is it?  
  
Jefferson (desperate): Could you build a girlfriend for me?  
  
Naomi [stunned]: W-wha?!  
  
Jefferson: PLEASE? I'll pay anything! I'll do anything you ask of me, and I do mean anything! Oh, and I   
want her to look just like my favorite hentai star, Josie Omitsu!  
  
[There is a loud clang, and red and yellow stars fill the screen. Cutting back to the previous scene,   
Jefferson is now lying on the ground, with a large lump on his head. Francine is standing above him, with   
a bent fryingpan in hand.]  
  
Francine [to Naomi]: Please ignore him.  
  
[Naomi looks nervous, and a sweatdrop appears on her forehead. Fortunately, Speedy breaks the tension.]  
  
Speedy: Scott says he thinks they found something! There's some unusual energy readings coming from   
the outskirts of the town. The signature is similar to Robby's.  
  
Naomi: Great! Let's go.  
  
Speedy: Oh no. You're staying here. I'm not going to be responsible for your safety.  
  
Naomi: But I know Robby the best. And he won't hurt me.  
  
Polly: You don't know that. If Fat Bunny has altered Robby in anyway, he's not the same android you   
created. He might not even recognize you.  
  
Naomi: He will. I know he will.  
  
GB: Speedy's right Naomi. It's much safer for you here.  
  
[Naomi is about to protest again, but finally gives up. Ruth stares at her thoughtfully.]  
  
Jefferson: Hey, Speedy? Scott just sent another IM. He and Guru Lou want two more of those Deep-Dish   
Bananna-Sausage-Mushroom Pizzas.  
  
Speedy: Geeze, those guys must be realy hooked. Tell them there's no time.  
  
Ruth: No, wait. You guys go find Robby. Jefferson can cook up the Pizzas and I'll deliver them while   
you're gone.  
  
Francine [touched]: Wow! You guys will do that?  
  
Ruth: Sure. We got nothing else to do around here, so we might as well make a few bucks.  
  
Francine [hugs Ruth]: Oh Ruthie, you're the greatest!  
  
Speedy: Well, that settles it. Come on guys, let's move out!  
  
[The cats move towards the ovens, and GB flaps out the door. As Speedy walks away, however, Naomi   
grabs his arm.]  
  
Naomi: Mr. Cerviche?  
  
Speedy: Yes?  
  
Naomi: Please… Try not to hurt him too much.  
  
Speedy [hesitates for a moment] (sincerely): We'll try.  
  
[Naomi lets go, and Speedy runs off. We see the cats get launched again, this time skipping the   
transformation sequence and Jefferson's rhyme. Back at the parlor, Ruth rises from her seat and cracks her   
knuckles.]  
  
Ruth: Ok. Jefferson, get the pizzas ready. Naomi, you're coming with me.  
  
Naomi: I am?  
  
Jefferson [guessing where this is leading]: Uh oh.  
  
Ruth: Of course. Look, by now Don Costanza has probably modified Robby to be some sort of war   
machine. If you want to get him back in one piece, we're going to have to take action. We'll deliver the   
Pizzas to Guru Lou and Speedy's brother Scott, and while we're there we'll see what we they can cook up   
to stop Robby-boy without sending him to the junkyard!  
  
Jefferson: Nice plan. Of course you left out the part where you go behind the team's collective back. Not   
to mention your sister, who expressly forbade you from playing hero.  
  
Ruth: I told you, Polly doesn't scare me. Besides, if I don't do this, they'll destroy him. They might not   
mean to, but they will.  
  
[Jefferson throws up his hands as if to say, "Whatever. It's not my life I'm risking," and walks back into   
the kitchen. Ruth turns to Naomi, an eager grin on her face.]  
  
Ruth: Ready?  
  
Naomi [takes a deep breath]: As ready as I'll ever be.  
  
[Moments later, the two girls are blasted out of the cannon. As they soar over Little Tokyo, Ruth's   
expression is one of exhiliration. Naomi's is one of terror.]  
  
Ruth [excited]: YAAHOO! HELLO, LITTLE TOKYO!  
  
Naomi [terrified]: GOODBYE, LUNCH!  
  
[They continue to soar, finally reaching Mt. Kootchi. Naomi's face grows more and more terrified.]  
  
Naomi [points]: TREE!  
  
Ruth [seeing what Naomi is pointing to]: YAHHHH!!!  
  
[And the two girls crash directly into a large tree overlooking Guru Lou's house. Fortunately, they landed   
rather high and got caught in the branches rather than slamming into the trunk. At that moment, the door   
opens and Speedy's younger brother Scott exits the house. He looks up into the tree and sees the girls.]  
  
Scott [yelling to Guru Lou]: Boss! The food is here!  
  
[Moments later the girls are inside the house. They are a little scraped up, but mostly ok.]  
  
Guru Lou [looking Naomi over]: So, you're the one who built that android Speedy and the others are   
looking for?  
  
Naomi: Yes, that's right.  
  
Guru Lou & Scott [bowing and chanting ala Wayne's World]: WE'RE NOT WORTHY! WE'RE NOT   
WORTHY!  
  
Naomi [to Ruth]: Are they always this weird?  
  
Ruth: I wish I could tell you, but it's my first time meeting them too. [to Scott and Lou] Shut up! We don't   
have time for this. Speedy and the others are looking for Robby as we speak, but we need something that'll   
stop him without damaging him.  
  
[Guru Lou and Scott have stopped, and are pondering the situation. Suddenly, Scott snaps his fingers.]  
  
Scott: I think I have an idea. Hold on a sec, I'll need to check his specifacations and load the personality   
matrix.  
  
[Scott runs off to the computer. The others watch him work.]  
  
Naomi [to Lou]: Are you sure he knows what he's doing?  
  
Guru Lou: Oh, of course. Scott's a whiz of a lab assistant. By now it's kinda hard to imagine life around   
here without him.  
  
Ruth: He's kinda cute too. It must run in his family. [Lou humphs and turns away. Ruth follow him.] Uh,   
Guru Lou? Sir, there's one other thing I wanted to ask you.  
  
Guru Lou [turns back to her, curious]: Yes, what's that?  
  
Ruth: What can you do for me in the way of battle armor?  
  
[Lou grins. Cut to the streets of Little Tokyo. Once again, a crowd of spectators is watching in horror at   
the chaos caused by Roland and the Ninja Crows. Except this time most of the chaos is actually being   
caused by Robby, who now resembles more of an armored Mewtwo with bunny ears. With cold,   
emotionless fury, he tears into buildings and tosses people around like baseballs.]  
  
Roland [clearly enjoying the spectacle]: Who cares if this guy takes my place? This is the best   
entertainment I've had in years!  
  
Speedy [off screen]: Glad you've been having fun, worm breath, cause it's game over now!  
  
Roland: You guys again! Don't you know when to quit?  
  
Guido [off screen]: When to quit? We don't even know the meaning of the word!  
  
Polly [same]: That's right! The Q section of our dictionary has a misprint.  
  
Roland: Then someone ought to teach you cats a lesson!  
  
[Cue the intro sequences. Spotlight on Francine, whose form is silhouetted.]  
  
Francine: Sorry to disappoint you, Roland, [As her form lights up, she pops out her wrist-swords and   
crosses them] but school's out!  
  
GB [also silhouetted against a spotlight]: Of course you're welcome to take the summer course. In which   
case [His form lights up, and he unsheathes his sword with a twirl] we'll be the ones teaching the lessons!  
  
Guido [holding the Sunspot over his face]: First day of Ninja Crow training, Roland: [reveals his face]   
Superheroes don't like people messing with their home turf!  
  
Polly [playing her flute]: I know these lessons seem a little harsh at times. Just remember teaching is an act   
[blows a kiss] of love!  
  
Speedy [rises from a kneeling position]: If you learn nothing else from this encounter, just remember the   
most important rule:  
  
All [in unison]: Don't mess with the Pizza Cats!  
  
Roland [annoyed]: You know, with all five of you doing 'em those intros are getting really draggy! [Calms   
down and is now strangely smug.] Next time you might want to consider not giving my buddies time to   
surround you.  
  
[It's true. While the cats were busy doing their intros, the Ninja Crows surrounded them. They are now   
closing in with their weapons drawn.]  
  
Speedy [gulps]: Ok guys, from now on we skip introductions and get straight to kicking tail.  
  
GB: Nuts, I was just starting to enjoy doing mine.  
  
Guido (half-kidding): That's cause you're a gloryhound, GB.  
  
[The crows charge them and the cats leap into the air, letting the crows run into each other.]  
  
GB [landing]: Hmph. Look whose talking, Anchovy.  
  
Francine [surveys the unconscious crows]: Well that was almost too easy.  
  
Roland: No, that was completely too easy! ANDROID, DESTROY THEM!  
  
[Wordlessly, Robby leaps at the Pizza Cats. As he lands, he punches his fist downward towards Speedy.   
Speedy barely leaps out of the way, and Robby's fist slams into the ground where Speedy stood. Almost   
too quick to see, Robby stands up and punches Speedy in the face. His fist lands like a piledriver, and   
Speedy is knocked back. Roaring in fury, Polly launches a heart bomb at the android but its armor shields   
it from most of the damage. She charges at the mechanized menace, but it grabs her by the neck and hurls   
her into a brick wall. Polly remains conscious, but is dazed from the impact. Guido and GB try to double   
team Robby, but he smashes their heads together and knocks them out. Francine lunges at him with her   
wrist-mounted sword but Robby grabs it and twists her arm behind her back, immobilizing her. Seeing   
Speedy and Polly have recovered and are ready to mount a second attack, Robby brings Francine's other   
sword up to her neck, threatening to slice her throat with her own sword if they try anything.]  
  
Francine: Finish him guys!  
  
Robby (menacingly): Not a smart move!   
  
[He pulls hard on the arm behind Francine's back. She screams in pain, as her shoulder is dislocated.   
Guido stirs awake at her scream and tries to rise to help her, but he's still too woozy.]  
  
Polly [to Speedy]: We have to do something, Speedy! He's going to kill her.  
  
Speedy: You're right. Try to distract him so he let's Fran go. I'll get into position for a Cat's Eye Slash.  
  
Polly: Got it. [They run off in opposite directions.]  
  
Speedy: Naomi, I'm sorry. I tried.  
  
[Polly gets into position, whips out a heart dart, and fires it with her wrist mounted crossbow. It smacks   
right into the side of Robby's head, momentarily stunning him and causing him to drop Francine. Fran lies   
on the ground, clutching her arm in pain. Furious, Robby turns towards Polly.]  
  
Robby [grabbing Polly by her arm]: Scream for me, you little witch.  
  
[Robby grabs the chestplate of Polly's armor and begins to squeeze. His ultra strong muscles begin   
squeezing through the armor. Polly is unable to free herself, and Robby prepares to rip a hole in her   
chestplate.]  
  
Voice [from off screen]: STOP IT!  
  
[Speedy, Polly, Robby, and Roland all turn towards the source of the voice. It came from a young, female,   
cat in lavender Pizza Cat armor. Behind her is Naomi Hellstrome, holding an open laptop computer.]  
  
Ruth [spotlight on her]: I understand you aren't in control of your actions, Robby. But I'm warning you, if   
you hurt my sister [leaps down from the roof, swiping her sword in front of her] I WILL MAKE YOU   
PAY!  
  
Polly [a mixture of anger and fear]: Ruth, what are you doing!? Get out of here!  
  
[With a tremendous effort, Robby hurls Polly at Ruth. Polly's chestplate shreads as it's ripped from   
Robby's grasp. Ruth manages to catch her sister without either of them getting hurt badly. Robby leaps   
after Ruth but Ruth is too quick for him and leads him on a wild goose chase, occasionally tossing Ninja   
Stars and smoke bombs to slow him down. When she finally stops to fight him, she nimbly avoids his   
blows but does not seem to mount any sort of offensive of her own.]  
  
Ruth [barely avoiding a jack hammer-like punch]: Ok Naomi, DO IT NOW!  
  
[Naomi presses a button on the laptop, and the information on it is downloaded into Robby's system via a   
wireless modem connection. Robby seizes up as the information overrides his system. In an instant,   
Robby's old personality and memories are restored.]  
  
Robby [stares up at Naomi]: Naomi?  
  
Naomi [leaps down from the roof]: Robby!  
  
[The two of them run towards each other and embrace. The Pizza Cats, all of whom have recovered by   
now, watch and smile. Most of the crowd is confused by this turn of events. Some, however, enjoy the   
happy reunion. Robby sheads his helmet, revealing his face and some of the circuitry on the sides of his   
head, and leans down to kiss Naomi. Suddenly he grimaces as if in pain, and staggers back.]  
  
Naomi (concerned): Robby! What's wrong?!  
  
Robby: I-I can't m-move!  
  
[Robby stands frozen for a moment, then begins to move erratically. Suddenly he begins to attack   
buildings and people again, only this time it's clear he doesn't want to.]  
  
Robby (panicking): Naomi! Help me!  
  
[Speedy looks over at Roland and notices that he is mimicking Robby's actions. Actually, it's the other   
way around. Roland mimes a particular action and moments later Robby performs it.]  
  
Speedy: Roland is controlling Robby! Fat Bunny must have rigged Roland's armor to act like a   
puppeteer's suit! Which means, if I short out the suit- [goes into the Cat's Eye Slash sequence] I can put   
an end to this! Hey, Roland!  
  
Roland [turns to Speedy]: Huh?  
  
Speedy [about to release the slash]: HEADS UP! HYAH!  
  
[Speedy releases the slash directly at Roland. Roland does not have time to dodge before the blast slams   
into him and tosses him through a store window. Once again, Robby seizes up and collapses. Roland's   
suit has been shorted out, and Roland himself is unconscious and very badly injured.]  
  
Naomi: Robby! [runs forward to examine him] Are you ok?  
  
Robby (weakly): I feel Pinnochio fell into a wood chipper.  
  
Naomi [after looking hin over]: You need extensive repairs. We should get you back to Guru Lou's. He   
and Scott can help me.  
  
Speedy [helping GB up]: You ok, bud?  
  
GB: I think so. Guido sure has a hard head.  
  
Guido [with Francine on his arm]: I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Francine's hurt bad.  
  
Francine [grimacing in pain]: It's not as bad as it looks.  
  
Speedy: GB, help Guido get her to the hospital. I'm going to go check on Polly.  
  
GB: Right.   
  
[GB helps Guido carry Francine off, while Speedy walks over to Polly. Polly is sitting on a bench talking   
to Ruth, her undershirt showing through the huge hole in her chestplate. Aside from the hole, she is fine.]   
  
Polly [to Ruth] (angry): I thought I told you not to get involved! When are you going to learn to listen to   
me?  
  
Ruth (nonchalant): Obviously never.  
  
Speedy: Actually, I thought she did a great job.  
  
Polly [glares at him]: Who asked you? This is between her and me!  
  
Speedy: Well actually, I think this should be a team decision. After all, taking on a new member effects all   
of us.  
  
[Ecstatic, Ruth leaps up and hugs Speedy.]  
  
Ruth [to Polly]: You got a great hubby here, sis. Remember that.  
  
[Ruth walks off to help Naomi carry Robby back to Guru Lou's. Polly continues to glare at Speedy, and he   
looks at her sheepishly.]  
  
Speedy: You gotta admit, she's got some good moves. I don't think it could hur t to have her on board.  
  
Polly [rising from her seat] (menacingly): You are going to pay for that.  
  
Speedy [gulps and changes the subject]: A-are you ok? You took some pretty nasty hits there.  
  
Polly [calming down, but still curt]: I'm fine. The armor is a different story. It'll take weeks to get this   
fixed.  
  
Speedy: Why don't we follow them to Guru Lou's? Maybe he can get it fixed sooner.  
  
[Polly agrees, and the two of them follow Ruth, Naomi, and Robby to Guru Lou's. Cut to FB's lair. Elliot   
is presenting a status report to FB and the news is not good.]  
  
FB: So, not only did the Pizza Cats manage to restore the Android's memories, but they shorted out the   
puppeteer systems I installed. And to top it all off, they put Roland in a coma!  
  
Elliot: That's correct sir. The doctors aren't sure when he'll come out of it. They said anywhere from a   
few weeks to seven or eight months. [There's a pause, as FB glowers.] It could be worse. At least he'll   
recover, eventually.  
  
FB: Yes well, in the meantime our need for a new lieutenant has become much more urgent, agreed?  
  
Elliot (sarcastically): What are we going to do? Get a website?  
  
FB: Don't be snide, Elliot. The perfect ally could be right under our noses. We just need to know where to   
look.  
  
[Cut back to Guru Lou's house. Robby is lying on a table, being worked on by Scott and Naomi. Lou is   
taking a quick break to get something to drink and look over Polly's armor. Polly is with him in her   
undershirt and armored pants, also surveying the damage. Speedy is watching TV on the couch. Ruth is   
curled up a few seats away, asleep.]  
  
Guru Lou [to Polly]: You're very lucky, Polly. There's some extensive damage here. One more direct hit   
to the chest and you'd be in the big resturaunt in the sky.  
  
Polly: How long will it take to repair?  
  
Guru Lou: Tough to say. We're busy helping Naomi with Robby right now. He needs a lot of work.   
[thinks] Maybe by Thursday?  
  
Polly [relieved]: Oh that doesn't sound too bad.  
  
[The phone rings, and Guru Lou goes over to answer it. Focus on Robby, Naomi, and Scott. Most of   
Robby's armor has been removed now, and a lot of circuitry is showing. Naomi and Scott are busy   
replacing damaged circuitry.]  
  
Robby (shakily): C-can you r-repair me?  
  
Naomi: Shh. Don't talk.  
  
Robby [after a slight pause]: Y-you never told me I was an a-andriod.  
  
Naomi [nods sadly]: I know. It was selfish of me. I'm sorry.  
  
Robby: It's ok. I-I think I understand.  
  
Scott: That's enough, kid. You still need a lot of work.  
  
[Robby is silent from that point on. After a few moments, Guru Lou hangs up the phone.]  
  
Guru Lou [calling to the others]: Hey, guys that was Guido! He and the others just got back from the   
hospital. Francine's arm was dislocated, but she should be fine soon. [remembers something] Oh and he   
got a call from his brother, Romeo! He'll be coming into town in about a week!  
  
Polly (surprised): Really? Wow, I haven't seen Romeo Anchovy in ages!  
  
Speedy [rolling his eyes]: Just what we need: another Anchovy.  
  
[Fade Out] 


	4. Blood Brothers

Samurai Pizza Cats: New Millenium  
  
  
Episode 4: Blood Brothers  
  
Written By Guido Cerviche  
  
Rated PG  
  
[We open with an exterior shot of the Pizza Parlor at night. Cut to Speedy and Polly's room. Speedy and   
Polly are both asleep in their bed. Polly's face is contorted with pain and fear, and she is sweating.   
Suddenly, she wakes up with a gasp and bolts up to a sitting position. After a few moments she starts   
breathing normal, but instead of going back to sleep she bolts out of bed. We hear the sound of her   
running, and a door close behind her.]  
  
[Cut to a few minutes later when Speedy wakes up. He looks over where Polly was sleeping, realizes she   
isn't there, and looks around worriedly.]  
  
Speedy: Polly? Honey where are you? Are you ok?  
  
[In reply, he hears a loud retching sound from the bathroom. He runs to the door and waits outside. After a   
few minutes Polly stops throwing up, and after a minute more she exits the bathroom looking like hell.]  
  
Speedy: Polly, are you ok? What happened?  
  
Polly: I don't know. I woke up from this really strange dream, and all of the sudden I felt sick.  
  
Speedy: What dream?  
  
Polly: I don't know, I can't remember it now. Maybe it was just that tuna hoagie I had for dinner last night.   
I mean, it did taste a little funny.  
  
Speedy: Well, hopefully that's all it was. Come back to bed. Let's get some sleep.  
  
Polly [still unsteady from being sick]: Ok.  
  
[And so the Cerviches return to bed, and in no time are sound asleep. The next morning the cats are busy   
preparing the parlor for another day. Polly appears to be her old self, although she is fairly tired from being   
sick the previous night. She lets out an audible yawn, and the others look over at her with concern.]  
  
Guido [to Speedy]: Is Polly all right? She seems a little out of it today.  
  
Speedy: I think so. She was sick last night, but she said she was fine this morning.  
  
GB: Sick? You mean she was throwing up?  
  
Speedy: Yeah, but that was about it. I mean she didn't have a fever or anything. She just thinks that the   
tuna hoagie she had for dinner didn't agree with her.  
  
Francine: Well, we HAVE had that jar of mayonnaise for over four months now.  
  
Jefferson: Ugh. I feel sick just thinking about that.  
  
[Nodding, Speedy walks over to Polly to see if she's ok. The camera stays focused on Francine and   
Guido.]  
  
Francine [to Guido]: So, what time is this brother of yours supposed to be arriving?  
  
Guido: I think he said his plane was getting in around noon. [pauses] Watch yourself around him, Fran.   
Romeo is even more of a ladies man than I am.  
  
Francine [joking around]: Well that isn't saying much for Romeo.  
  
Guido (slightly offended): Hey!  
  
[Francine chuckles and Guido skulks. Shift focus to Speedy and Polly.]  
  
Speedy: Are you ok, hon?  
  
Polly: Yeah, I'm just a little tired. Don't worry about me, Speedy.  
  
Speedy: Sorry Polly, I can't help it. [pauses for a moment, then changes the subject] Hey, I forgot to tell   
you that Naomi stopped by while you were out on delivery yesterday. She wanted to thank us for helping   
her and Robby out with Fat Bunny and the Ninja Crows. {See previous episode}  
  
Polly: That was nice of her. How are they doing?  
  
Speedy: Pretty good, from what she told me. Robby's a student at the high school now. She gave him   
more control over his strength and speed, and now he's the new star athlete. They even made "Couple of   
the Year" in the high school yearbook!  
  
Polly: Wow, not bad!  
  
Speedy: I thought you'd be happy to hear that. [changes the subject] Oh by the way, I spoke to Big Al   
about your sister. He's placing her with the Rescue Team, so she won't be directly in the line of fire.  
  
Polly: Well that's a relief. Has she met General Catton and the others yet?  
  
Speedy: Not yet. I think they're coming by to meet her later today.  
  
[Their conversation is interrupted by a loud crash. Speedy looks over to find GB and Jefferson in an   
argument, and several pieces of dinning wear scattered on the ground.]  
  
GB [upset]: Hey buddy, watch where you're going with that stuff!  
  
Jefferson [same]: Watch where I'm going? You ran right into me!  
  
GB [getting mad]: I don't think so, pal. Look, I don't care if you are Francine's cousin. You better   
straighten up if you want to work here, got it?  
  
Jefferson [same]: Don't lecture me, crow boy!  
  
Francine [separating them]: Calm down boys! GB, wipe down the counter. Jeff, [gestures to the floor]   
clean this mess up and get back to work.  
  
[Both GB and Jefferson grumble, but do as they're told. Guido leans over to Francine.]  
  
Guido: Does your cousin get along with anyone?  
  
Francine: I really don't know. He's had a hard life, but he brought most of it on himself.  
  
Guido: I guess emotional baggage comes with being a lowlife pervert.  
  
Francine [teasing him again]: Speaking from personal experience?  
  
[Guido's eyes narrow unappreciatively at Francine. Cut to the airport where Guido and Lucille are waiting   
for Romeo. Lucille is holding up a sign with the name Montague on it. Guido rolls his eyes.]  
  
Guido: Lucille, that isn't funny.  
  
Lucille: What do you mean? Your brother loves that story.  
  
Guido: Maybe, but I'm sure he's tired of people calling him that by now.  
  
Lucille: Oh, relax. Why are you so uptight?  
  
Guido: Look, don't get me wrong. I love my brother, and it'll be great to see him again. But I always feel   
inadequate around him. I'm always hearing how much better he is than me. Smarter, more handsome,   
more mature…  
  
Lucille: I guess this is the wrong time to admit I had a crush on him when we were younger.  
  
[Guido's jaw drops in shock, and he falls over in disbelief.]  
  
Lucille [alarmed]: Guido! Are you ok?  
  
Guido [as Lucille helps him up]: That depends on your definition of ok. [Once he's on his feet, he takes a   
breath] I can't believe you said that. When did this happen?  
  
Lucille: Oh, it was a long time ago. Back when I was in junior high and he just started high school.  
  
Guido [surprised]: I didn't know you knew him back then. Speedy and I hadn't even noticed you yet.  
  
Lucille: I know. I met him at the hospital when I was visiting my grandmother. He did volunteer work   
there.  
  
Guido: Yeah, that sounds like Romeo: always helping out. [pause] But… you're over him now, right?  
  
Lucille [laughs]: Oh Guido, of course! It was just a crush. It didn't go anywhere.  
  
Guido: That's a relief. I wouldn't want him to be interested in you now.  
  
Romeo [voice off screen]: That's just cause you know you'd have no chance with her if I were.  
  
[Guido and Lucille turn, and the camera pans over to Romeo. A handsome tomcat in his late 20's, Romeo   
bears a strong resemblance to his younger brother Guido. There are a few notable exceptions however:   
Romeo's hair (as we can see, since he's not wearing a helmet) is long and black, tied back in a ponytail,   
and he has a mustache and beard which make him look older and more mature.]  
  
Guido [happy]: Rom!  
  
Romeo [same]: Bro! Good to see you again!  
  
Guido: You too!  
  
Romeo [turns to Lucille]: And it's nice to see you again, Lucille. [takes her hand and kisses it] You're more   
beautiful than I remember.  
  
[Lucille blushes. Guido narrows his eyes at his brother, but quickly turns pleasant again when Lucille   
looks at him.]  
  
Guido: You must be hungry, Rom. Why don't we head back to the pizza parlor, where you can meet   
everyone?  
  
Romeo: I don't know if I'm in the mood for pizza right now.  
  
Lucille: Well, we could grab lunch at my Teahouse.  
  
Romeo: Oh, I like that idea! That way we can spend some time together with just the three of us.  
  
[Both Romeo and Lucille seem pleased by this idea. Guido, however, does not seem eager. Moments later   
at the Tea House…]  
  
Guido [whispering to Romeo, as Lucille prepares the food]: Rom, this could be a big mistake.  
  
Romeo: Oh you worry too much, Guido. I'm not going to put the moves on Lucille. Not just yet, anyway.  
  
Guido [eyes narrow]: That wasn't what I was worried about.  
  
Romeo: What do you mean?  
  
[Before Guido can answer, Lucille exits the kitchen with the food. She hands Guido and Romeo their   
plates.]  
  
Romeo: By the way Guido, I heard about that comet scare. That was really brave. You and your buds did   
a good job.  
  
Guido [pleased]: Thanks, bro. I appreciate that.  
  
Romeo [turns to Lucille]: So, what else has been happening since I've been gone?  
  
Lucille: Oh, a lot. The princess fired Big Cheese, so now we have a new Prime Minister. Except he's just   
as evil and corrupt as Cheese was…  
  
[As Lucille continues to talk, Romeo takes a bite of his stir-fry and suddenly looks like he swallowed a   
bug.]  
  
Lucille: …and now you're here and that's pretty much it. [pauses] How do you like your lunch?  
  
[Romeo doesn't reply, but continues to look ill.]  
  
Guido: Romeo, are you ok?  
  
[Finally, Romeo swallows the food. After a few moments his face turns green.]  
  
Romeo [trying to hide the fact that he's sick]: Uh… It certainly has an interesting flavor.  
  
Lucille [oblivious to the truth]: Oh, I'm so glad you like it!  
  
Guido [whispers to Romeo]: Comets are nothing. What you just did, THAT was bravery.  
  
[Romeo smiles weakly. Cut back to the pizza parlor, where the Rescue Team has just arrived (except,   
strangely enough, for Bat Cat). The cats are have just started their lunch break, and Speedy steps forward   
to greet Catton and the others.]  
  
Speedy: Guys! Good to see you again.  
  
Gen. Catton: Likewise, Speedy. Especially under such peaceful circumstances.  
  
Speedy: I agree. [notices something] Say, where's Bat Cat?  
  
Gen. Catton: He had to make a delivery to the Royal Palace earlier. We haven't seen him since.  
  
Speedy [recognizing trouble]: Uh oh.  
  
Gen. Catton (concerned): What is it?  
  
Speedy: Well, Bat Cat told me that Princess Vi has had a crush on him since he rescued her at the wedding.   
If he's down at the Palace…  
  
Gen. Catton [seeing Speedy's point]: Uh oh.  
  
[Cut to the Royal Palace exterior. Bat Cat is flying quickly around the palace while Vi follows, kicking up   
dust clouds.]  
  
Bat Cat [frantic]: Princess, please! Control yourself!  
  
Princess Vi: Come down so we can be married, darling!  
  
[Cut back to the parlor.]  
  
Meowsma: Well, to tell you the truth I don't think there's anything wrong with Bat Cat and Vi getting   
together. I mean, she IS a Princess. Do you think he can do any better?  
  
Gen. Catton: Maybe not, but I don't think he's ready to be committed.  
  
Speedy: To Princess Vi, or an insane asylum?  
  
Gen. Catton: Isn't that the same thing?  
  
Spritz: Excuse me guys, but aren't we here to meet someone?  
  
Speedy: Oh yes, Ruth! She and Polly are in the kitchen. I'll go get them.  
  
[Speedy makes his way towards the kitchen, where Polly and Ruth are cleaning up and talking.]  
  
Ruth: I had another dream about Guido last night. Wanna hear it?  
  
Polly: Not really. I think I can guess what kind of dream you had about Guido.  
  
Ruth [giggles]: Well, can you blame me? I mean, he is mega-cute.  
  
Polly [sighs tiredly]: Sis, please just leave him alone. Guido's a good friend and he's happy with Lucille. I   
don't want you to mess with that.  
  
Ruth (mock indignation): Polly, I'm surprised you would think your sweet innocent little sister would be   
capable of such a thing!  
  
Polly [eyes narrow] (suspicious): Oh, really?  
  
Speedy [sticks his head in the kitchen]: Hi, girls! The Rescue Team is here.  
  
Polly: Ok hon, we'll be right out! [As soon as Speedy leaves, Polly turns back to Ruth.] Oh, by the way,   
my husband is off limits too.  
  
Ruth: Don't worry, you can have him. He's not half as cute as Guido.  
  
[The girls enter the main restaurant, where Speedy makes the introductions.]  
  
Speedy: Guys, allow me to present my lovely sister-in-law, Ruth Esther.  
  
Ruth [to the Rescue Team]: Pleased to meet you.  
  
Meowsma: Likewise.  
  
Spritz [impressed]: I'll say! [steps forward] So, you're Polly's little sister? I look forward to working with   
you.  
  
[Ruth grins. Behind her, Polly eyes Spritz suspiciously.]  
  
Gen. Catton: Well now that we've been introduced, what now?  
  
Spritz: Ruth, what would you say to lunch? I'd love to take the chance to get to know you better.  
  
Ruth: Sounds great! Just let me get a few things.  
  
Polly: Uh, Spritz? May I see you for a sec?  
  
[Ruth leaves to get her things. Spritz walks over to Polly, who sits behind the serving counter, idly twirling   
a stick of pepperoni.]  
  
Spritz: Hey, Polly. You're sister is cute.  
  
Polly: I'm glad you think so. By the way, I think it's fair to warn you that she doesn't really have good   
taste in men. Over half the boyfriends she's had thus far have been deadbeats who tried to take advantage   
of her.  
  
Spritz: Hey, chill out Polly. You know I'd never do anything like that.  
  
Polly [deadly serious]: You better not. Ruth and I don't always see eye to eye, but she IS my little sister.   
And if anyone was to try anything with her, and I found out… [tosses the stick of pepperoni into the air and   
swipes it with her claws. The slices fall neatly to the counter-top.] Have I made myself clear?  
  
Spritz [gulps]: Cr-crystal.  
  
Polly: Good boy.  
  
[Ruth returns with her stuff in hand.]  
  
Ruth: Ok, I'm all ready to go!  
  
Spritz [nervous]: Uh, yeah. Great.  
  
[The Rescue Team leaves with Ruth. Speedy turns to look at Polly, who is smiling sweetly. Cut back to   
Guido, Romeo, and Lucille. Having already dropped Romeo's bags at his hotel room, the three of them are   
now at the mall, shopping.]  
  
Lucille: So Romeo, what have you been doing all these years?  
  
Guido: Yeah Rom, what's up? The last time you wrote me you said you were in France. Was that for real?  
  
Romeo [grinning]: Oui oui!  
  
Lucille [impressed]: Wow! What were you doing there?  
  
Romeo: Have either of you heard of the Krawzun Agency?  
  
Guido: Of course. They're one of the biggest organizations of freelance superheroes in the world. [puts   
one and one together] You're not saying…  
  
Romeo: Yep. They offered me a job around the same time you, Speedy and Polly became the Pizza Cats.   
I've been traveling around the world on various assignments from them. The latest one was in France.  
  
Lucille: Sounds exciting. What were you doing there?  
  
Romeo [dead serious]: I'd tell you, but I'd have to kill you. [Guido and Lucille look at him in shock, and   
he cracks up] Sorry. I always wanted to say that. But I did have a secrecy clause in my contract.  
  
Lucille: Oh, come on! Tell me, I can't stand not knowing!  
  
Romeo [gives her a sly look]: Are you going to pump me for information?  
  
[Lucille blushes, while Guido glares at his brother.]  
  
Guido [gritting his teeth]: Watch it, Romeo.  
  
[Before anyone can say anything else, a woman screams. The three of them turn towards the sound, and   
Guido and Romeo run towards it. They find a small group of 5 Ninja Crows harassing the customers and   
employees of an electronics store. The scream came from a customer who had her purse snatched.]  
  
Crow 1: All right Flying Skull, time to clean house! The boss wants anything and everything that's even   
remotely valuable. That means none of these saps leaves here with anything more than the shirts on their   
backs!  
  
Guido: Think again, bird brain! Let these people go, or you'll have to answer to us!  
  
Crow 1 [eyes wide]: Ack! The Pizza Cats!  
  
Crow 2: Relax. There's just one, plus some wannabe I've never seen before.  
  
Romeo: The name is Romeo Anchovy, Hero-for -Hire.  
  
Crow 2: Yeah? And I'm Princess Mononoke.  
  
Crow 1: Enough! Crows, ATTACK!  
  
[Even without their weapons, the Anchovy brothers make quick work of the small band of Ninja Crows.   
Guido knocks one out with a kick to the face, grabs his sword, and duels with a second crow before   
delivering a light slash to his gut {not deep enough to be fatal} and bashing him over the head when he   
doubles over. Romeo proves to be a master at unarmed combat. He floors one crow with a rapid succession   
of palms to the face, and evades the sword strikes of another before kicking him in the chest and knocking   
the wind out of him. Finally, in a Jackie Chan-esque manner, he slides through the legs of the third crow,   
grabs a fax machine from the shelf behind him, and bashes it into his head knocking him out. Lucille, who   
caught up to the Anchovy brothers just in time to see the fight, cheers them on.]  
  
Lucille [applauding]: Woo hoo! Way to go guys!  
  
[By now the crow that only had the wind knocked out of him has recovered. He flies over Guido and   
Romeo, lands by Lucille, and takes her hostage.]  
  
Crow 3: All right, heroes. Surrender or the cutie undergoes open-heart surgery!  
  
[The crow takes out his sword and holds it at Lucille's chest to make his point. Scared out of her mind,   
Lucille blows her top. One of the missiles heads for Guido and Romeo. Without panicking, Romeo grabs   
Guido's Sunspot Umbrella and swings it at the missile like a baseball bat. The Sunspot hits the missile and   
knocks it back towards the crow. The crow shrieks, drops Lucille, and tries to outrun the missile.   
Fortunately he doesn't get far. He collapses to the ground, slightly crispy and unconscious.]  
  
Guido [runs to Lucille]: Lucille! Are you ok?  
  
Lucille [still uneasy]: I- I think so. Romeo! [runs over to him] You saved my life. Thank you.  
  
Romeo: Don't mention it. I'm just thankful you're safe. [pauses and looks over at Guido, who is glaring at   
him.] Hey, why don't you two go look at some of the other stores? I'll keep watch over these guys until   
security arrives, and then I'll catch up with you and we can head back to the Pizza Parlor.  
  
Lucille: That sounds like a good idea. Come on, Guido.  
  
[Guido's glare quickly fades when Lucille looks over at him. She rejoins him and the two of them walk   
away from the store into the rest of the mall. Later, the trio arrives at the Pizza Parlor. The lunch break is   
over, but it's an off hour so the parlor isn't busy.]  
  
Speedy: So Romeo, what brings you back to Little Tokyo?  
  
Romeo: Well, to tell you the truth, I came to help you guys out.  
  
Polly: What do you mean?  
  
Romeo: The hero-for-hire business hasn't been very active lately. I'm practically out of work. I was kind   
of hoping I could lend you a hand, at least until business picks up.  
  
Guido [smug]: So you're asking for a job.  
  
Romeo: Yeah, I am. So, how about it baby bro?  
  
Guido: Well, I don't know if we have room for you. What do you think Speedy?  
  
Speedy: Hey, if Romeo is good enough to be recruited by the Krawzun Agency it couldn't hurt to have him   
around to back us up.  
  
Lucille: I think it'd be a great idea for Romeo to lend you guys a hand. Speedy, you should've seen the   
way he handled those Ninja Crows.  
  
Francine: You guys ran into Ninja Crows?  
  
Guido: There were only five of them. They were probably from Seymour's camp, making another supply   
raid. The two of us pretty much wiped them out.  
  
GB: Pardon my saying so, but it doesn't take a whole lot to wipe out five Ninja Crows. Let's face it, those   
guys are cannon fodder.  
  
Polly: He's got a point there.  
  
Speedy: Guido, he's your brother. What do you think?  
  
[Guido thinks about it for a moment, looking over the faces of his friends, his gaze finally resting on   
Romeo's. Finally, he takes a deep breath and makes a decision.]  
  
Guido: Sure, why not. He can work with Ruth on the Rescue Team.  
  
Romeo: Thanks little bro! [gives Guido a big bear hug. Guido's eyes bug out of his head a little.]  
  
Guido [gasping for air]: Sure… No prob… [Romeo lets go and he drops like a bag of rocks, gasping for   
air.]  
  
Speedy: Well that settles it then. I'll get on the phone with Big Al and get the ok from him.  
  
Lucille: Guido, I told Josie and Wally I'd be home at 3:30. Would you mind walking me home?  
  
Guido: That sounds like a good idea. [to the others] I'll be back in a little bit, guys.  
  
Francine: See you soon, Guido.  
  
Jefferson: Lucille, say hi to your sister for me!  
  
[Guido and Lucille exit the parlor. Cut to a few minutes later, as they walk towards Lucille's house.]  
  
Lucille: Guido, are you ok? You've been kind of quiet.  
  
Guido: I'm fine, Lucille. [pauses a moment] Lucille, why didn't you tell me the truth when I asked you if   
you still had feelings for Romeo?  
  
Lucille [stunned]: What are you talking about? I did tell you the truth.  
  
Guido: Come on, Lucille. You're practically falling all over him.  
  
Lucille: I am not! I'm just grateful to him for saving my life.  
  
Guido [annoyed]: Saving your life? Lucille, he took out five Ninja Crows with my help. You could   
probably take out two or three times that many by blowing your top.  
  
Lucille: If they're such pushovers, then why didn't you do something about that crow that tried to gut me?  
  
Guido (getting angry): Sorry, I froze. People have a tendency to do that when a nuclear warhead is baring   
down on them!  
  
Lucille (same): Then maybe you better go home before you catch another one in the face! [storms ahead] I   
can get home by myself. In the future, try to leave me out of any issues you have with your brother.  
  
[Guido chases after Lucille, calling after her. Eventually he gives up, turns around, and walks home angry   
with himself. At one point he stops in front of a brick wall and begins punching it. Eventually he stops   
begins walking home again. The scene fades out.]  
  
[Commercial Break]  
  
[The door to the pizza parlor opens, and Guido stands there cradling his bloody hand.]  
  
Speedy: Back so soon, Guido? [notices his injury] Oh, jeez. What happened?  
  
Guido: Relax Speedy, we weren't attacked. I just punched a wall.  
  
GB: Why would you do something stupid like that?  
  
Guido: It's not nearly as stupid as what I said to Lucille. We got into a fight and she ran off. I was so mad   
at myself that I attacked the wall.  
  
Francine [kneels in front of him, inspecting his hand]: Damn, I'd hate to see the wall. Can you move it?  
  
Guido: It's pretty sore, but yeah I can.  
  
Francine: Well, it's probably not broken then. That's good. [pauses, then stands up] Hold on, I have some   
salve in my medicine cabinet. It should help the cuts and bruising.  
  
[Francine walks towards her room. Guido sits down at a table. Romeo gets up and walks towards him.]  
  
Romeo: Did I hear you correctly? Is there trouble in paradise?  
  
Guido [glares at him]: This isn't the time, Romeo. This REALLY isn't the time.  
  
[Before Romeo can respond, Francine returns with the ointment and some bandages. Guido holds his hand   
out, and Francine begins to rub the ointment on it.]  
  
Guido: Wow. That feels pretty good, Fran. My hand doesn't hurt nearly as much.  
  
Francine [wrapping the gauze bandage around it]: Thanks. It should be good as new by tomorrow. Just try   
and keep your emotions in check from now on.  
  
Guido: Yeah, I'll keep that in mind.  
  
[Guido's eyes stay on Fran until she's out of sight. When he turns back to Romeo, his brother is grinning   
wider than before.]  
  
Romeo: I saw that.  
  
Guido (annoyed): What?  
  
Romeo: You LIKE her, don't you?  
  
Guido: I don't know what you're talking about. Fran's a good friend. That's all.  
  
Romeo: Uh huh, sure, whatever. Listen bro, if you like her then go for it. Don't worry about Lucille, I'll   
take care of her-  
  
Guido [really ticked off]: All right, that's enough! Leave me alone before I bust my other hand up on your   
face!  
  
Romeo [defensive]: Hey, calm down! I was just kidding.  
  
Guido: Oh yeah, VERY funny!  
  
Speedy [breaking them up]: Ok guys, both of you just cool it! [to Romeo] Look Rom, maybe you should   
just give Guido some space. How about we take you down to Guru Lou's place? He'll fix you up with   
some equipment.  
  
Romeo: Sure, sounds good Speedy.  
  
Speedy: Glad you think so. [to Guido] Guido, why don't you stay here and cool off?  
  
Guido: No prob, Speedy.  
  
Speedy [to the others]: Who else is coming?  
  
GB: I'll go with ya.  
  
Francine: Jeff and I will stay here.  
  
Jefferson: She said as if I had a choice in the matter. [sighs] Oh well, I doubt Lou would have anything I'd   
be interested in anyway.  
  
Speedy [to Polly]: What about you, Polly?  
  
Polly [sighs tiredly]: I don't really feel up to a trip to Lou's today. I'll stay here.  
  
Speedy [concerned]: Are you ok? You're not feeling sick again, are you?  
  
Polly: Of course not. I just need to catch up on some sleep.  
  
GB: Don't worry, Speedy. You know how tough Polly is.  
  
[Speedy nods at GB and gives Polly a kiss. He, GB, and Romeo wave goodbye and walk out the door.]  
  
[Cut to Guru Lou's laboratory. Lou is busy tinkering with some strange new device. He's wearing safety   
goggles and a white lab coat, and sparks are flying up from his workplace. There is a knock at the front   
door, but he doesn't respond. After a few moments of continuous knocking, his assistant Scott Cerviche   
finally approaches the door and opens it.]  
  
Speedy: Hi, Scott. Did we come at a bad time?  
  
Scott: Not at all, we were just finishing up. [looks at Romeo] Who's the new guy?  
  
Speedy [introducing them]: Scott, meet Romeo Anchovy. He's going to be helping us out for a while. We   
came to see about some equipment for him.  
  
Romeo [shakes Scott's hand]: Nice to meet you.  
  
Scott: Likewise. Naturally you came to the right place. [To all of them] Come on in.  
  
GB [as they enter]: Looks like you guys have been busy.  
  
Scott: We have. Actually, Guru Lou has been working on a few new gadgets for you guys. [calls to Lou]   
Sir! Speedy and GB are here, and they brought Guido's brother!  
  
Guru Lou: Great. [to the others] Make yourselves at home guys. I'll be with you in a minute.  
  
[Speedy, GB and Romeo settle in while Lou finishes up.]  
  
Romeo [looking around at the lab]: This is some place you guys have here. What do you call this style?  
  
Scott: Organized chaos. It may look like a mess, but we know exactly where everything we need is.  
  
[It does appear as though a bomb hit the place. Guru Lou finishes tinkering with the device he was   
working on, and walks over to Speedy and the others.]  
  
Guru Lou: Thanks for waiting.  
  
Speedy: No prob. What was that thing you were working on?  
  
Guru Lou: Actually, it's a top-secret assignment from Big Al. Very hush-hush.  
  
Speedy: Oh, really?  
  
Guru Lou [grins]: Yeah. Tell you all about it later.  
  
GB [clears his throat]: Lou, Scott told us you had some new stuff for us?  
  
Guru Lou: Sure do! Scott, show the boys what we've been working on.  
  
[Scott walks to the back of the room and brings back a small box.  
  
Scott [opens the box and shows them what's in it]: Feast your eyes on these!  
  
GB [looking at the small devices in the box]: They're ninja stars. What's the big deal? I go through a   
couple hundred of them a month.  
  
Scott: Not like these. These stars weren't built for combat. They're tracers.  
  
GB: Tracers?  
  
Guru Lou: See that tiny crystal embedded in the center? When you toss the star at someone it releases the   
crystal, which sticks to him or her. That crystal also emits a radio signal, which you can track with this   
receiver. [shows them a device which resembles a pocket calculator, but with fewer buttons and a bigger   
screen.]  
  
Speedy: Not bad.  
  
Scott: Thanks. We could probably even install a receiver in your helmet. That way you could just pull   
down your visor to track someone.  
  
GB: Nice. [notices a device hidden under a sheet] What's this one?  
  
Guru Lou: Oh, you wouldn't be interested in that GB. That's a rocket pack for Speedy and the others. We   
modified it from one of their Pizza Travel Packs.  
  
Speedy [pulls the sheet off] (impressed): Sweet! No more headaches from being launched from the   
cannon! Can I try it out?  
  
[Scott and Guru Lou look uneasy but, before they can object, Speedy tries it on anyway. Activating it, he   
flies around the lab. At first he seems to have complete control, but it gradually gets faster and more   
erratic. Speedy begins to scream but it's cut off when he crash-lands exactly where he was standing before,   
on his head.]  
  
Guru Lou [looking sheepish]: Eh heh heh heh. It still needs a little work.  
  
Speedy (in great pain) [still upside down]: So I see.  
  
Romeo [low whistle]: Good thing you had your helmet.  
  
[Speedy quickly unstraps himself from the wreckage of the rocketpack, and stands up.]  
  
Scott: So, would you like to see the rest?  
  
Speedy & GB [in unison, very quickly]: No, no, no, no, no, no!  
  
Speedy: We'll come back for them later. In the meantime, we'll just take the standard equipment for   
Romeo.  
  
Romeo: Are you sure it'll be safe?  
  
GB: Relax. That thing was experimental. This is proven tech they'll be hooking you up with.  
  
Guru Lou [as Scott drags Romeo into their work area]: Step right this way sir, and we'll have you suited up   
in no time.  
  
[Romeo shoots Speedy and GB a desperate "Help Me" look, as Lou and Scott drag him away. Cut back to   
the parlor. Guido is sitting at the counter, feeling pretty lousy. Suddenly he becomes aware of someone   
standing behind him. He turns around to see Ruth, who returned from her lunch w/ the Rescue Team a   
little while ago.]  
  
Ruth: You look down, Sugar.  
  
Guido [looks depressed]: I guess you could say that.  
  
Ruth: Your brother giving you grief?  
  
Guido: Among other things. (curious) How did you know?  
  
Ruth: Are you kidding? I'm the expert on aggravating siblings. I do have Polly for a sister, you know.  
  
Guido: Point taken.  
  
Ruth: Anyway, I think I know what might cheer you up.  
  
Guido: What's that?  
  
[Without saying a word, Ruth leans forward and gives Guido a kiss on the cheek.]  
  
Guido [smiles slightly]: Thanks, but I have a girlfriend.  
  
Ruth [restrained disappointment]: You mean Lucille.  
  
Guido: Yeah. At least, I hope she's still my girlfriend. We got into a little bit of an argument.  
  
Ruth [half-joking]: Well, I can always hope. [slight pause] I'm sorry, that was a bad joke.  
  
Guido: That's ok. No harm done.  
  
Ruth: Good. [begins to walk away, but stops and turns back for a second] Seriously though, if things don't   
work out between you two, I'm always available.  
  
Guido [uneasy]: Uh, thanks. I'll keep that in mind.  
  
[Ruth returns to waiting on tables, and Guido finishes his drink. Cut to the streets of Little Tokyo as   
Speedy, GB, and Romeo walk home. Romeo is now dressed in a suit of armor very similar to Guido's   
except it's black instead of blue.]  
  
Romeo: I don't know about this, guys. Black just seems so… ominous.  
  
GB: I think it looks cool. Adds to the intimidation factor too.  
  
Romeo: Maybe so, but- [Stops, his ears standing up as if he heard something.] Huh? Did you guys hear   
that?  
  
Speedy: Hear what? What are you- [Speedy stops as his ears stand up too.] Wait. You're right, I do hear   
something.  
  
GB [as a number of shadowy figures appear behind them]: The Flying Skull. They're here.  
  
[The figures emerge from the shadows and our three heroes find themselves surrounded by dozens of Ninja   
Crows.]  
  
Romeo: Don't these guys compare notes? Guido and I just thrashed them earlier today.  
  
GB: Guido said they were from Cheese's camp. These guys are probably Don Costanza's followers.  
  
Romeo: You mean there's a split in the clan?  
  
GB: In a manner of speaking.  
  
Speedy: Shall we discuss ninja crow politics later, guys? They're getting ready to-  
  
Crow 1: ATTACK!  
  
[The crows rush at our heroes from all directions. Speedy, GB, and Romeo fight back valiantly and many   
crows fall before them. But for every crow that is defeated, two more rush forward to take his place.]  
  
Romeo [holding off two crows at once]: They're relentless! There's just too many of them!  
  
GB [engaged in an aerial duel]: Speedy, signal for help!  
  
Speedy [knocked to the ground by a lucky blow]: Oof! [rises to his knee] Right.  
  
[Speedy rings the cellular cat bell. Cut to the parlor. Polly and Guido are back at work, when Francine   
notices the cellular cat bell ringing.]  
  
Francine: Oh, drat! Don't tell me those guys are in trouble all ready!  
  
Ruth: Relax, Fran. I'm on it.  
  
Polly: I'm going too.  
  
Ruth: Polly, I can handle myself!  
  
Polly: Calm down, Ruth. This isn't about you. Speedy's my husband, and if he needs help then I'm going   
to be there for him.  
  
[The annoyed look on Ruth's face fades, and the two Esther sisters make their way to the ovens. After a   
few moments, Guido tears off his apron and follows them.]  
  
Guido: I'm coming with you. Romeo maybe a complete jerk, but he's still my brother. If he's in trouble, I   
should be the one to bail him out.  
  
Jefferson: Well, what are you guys waiting for? The cannon is already locked in on the cat bell's signal, so   
get moving!  
  
[Polly, Guido and Ruth hop in the ovens. Cue the launch sequence.]  
  
[Cut back to Speedy, GB and Romeo. They are still fighting off ninja crows, but are beginning to tire.  
  
GB: I don't know how much more we can take, guys!  
  
Speedy: Hang in there! Help will be here soon. Man, I hope someone gets here soon!  
  
Crow 2: Keep it up, Crows! They're getting tired!  
  
[Suddenly, one of Polly's heart-bombs lands right in the middle of a crowd of Ninja Crows. It explodes   
upon impact, sending about five of them soaring into the air. They don't land anywhere visible.]  
  
Crow 3: ACK! What the hell?!  
  
[The crows stop attacking and turn to the direction of the attack. The camera pans to a nearby rooftop,   
where we see silhouettes of Polly, Guido, and Ruth in their battle poses {Polly playing her flute, Guido   
holding the Sunspot over his face, and Ruth with her arms folded across her chest.}]  
  
Ruth [spotlight on Ruth]: Somebody call in the Cavalry? [unfolds her arms, and seemingly from nowhere   
produces a tall staff with a blade on the end, which she twirls in front of her.] These crows are toast!  
  
Guido [spotlight on him]: Like I said, he may be a jerk but he's still my brother. [moves the umbrella   
away] And that means no one can mess with him but me!  
  
Polly [spotlight on her]: Speedy, I hope for the crows' sake that they didn't hurt you too badly. Otherwise   
they can kiss their tail-feathers [blows a kiss] goodbye!  
  
[Quickly cut to Speedy, who grins at Polly's remark. Cut back to a shot of Polly, Guido, and Ruth, all in a   
spotlight.]  
  
All 3: PIZZA CATS TO THE RESCUE!  
  
Crow 3 [to the other crows]: What are you bozos doing just standing around and listening to them?  
  
Romeo: Hey, bro! Appreciate the assist! Now what do you say we thrash these feather dusters?  
  
Guido [as he, Polly and Ruth leap down into the fray]: Right!  
  
[The fight resumes with the crows now fighting twice as many Pizza Cats. Naturally, the crows no longer   
have the advantage as the combined fighting prowess of our heroes begins to finally wear down their   
numbers.]  
  
[With a swing of her polearm, Ruth takes out three crows charging after her. She then slips the weapon   
back into its sheath on her back and whips out her sword to duel with a fourth crow, which she quickly   
disarms and forces into submission.]  
  
[Although tired from the long battle, GB still manages to hold five Ninja crows at bay. As they begin to   
press forward with their attack, GB tosses down a smoke bomb and escapes. As the crows look around for   
GB, a handful of ninja stars fly through the air. One strikes the chest of each crow, knocking the wind out   
of them. GB lands behind the crows and finishes them off with a few well placed sword strikes.]  
  
[Romeo is fending off crows with his fencing rapier, the only weapon he has at the moment. {His other   
weapons are still in his bags back at the parlor.} He manages to keep two crows at a distance, not noticing   
the other three sneaking up behind him. Guido jumps to his brother's defense and pummels the crows   
mercilessly. Romeo jumps as one-crow lunges for him, bounces off the crow's head and lands on the   
second crow, knocking them both out.]  
  
[Polly begins performing her Passion Power Paws move. The screen turns black and red claw marks   
appear in a crisscross pattern. The screen returns to normal, and five crows fall to the ground. So does   
Speedy.]  
  
Polly [repentant]: Oh no, SPEEDY! [rushes to him] I'm so sorry!  
  
Speedy [recovering, but still has the scratch marks on his face]: Ouch. I never realized how painful that   
was.  
  
Polly: Are you ok?  
  
Speedy: Yeah, I'll be fine.  
  
Crow 4 [to the Pizza Cats]: We'll have our revenge next time, Pizza Cats! [to the few remaining crows]   
Retreat!  
  
Crow 5: Let's get the hell out of here!  
  
[Our heroes watch as the crows run away.]  
  
Ruth: What was their problem?  
  
GB: Who knows. Maybe Fat Bunny's having trouble keeping his troops in line.  
  
Speedy: Let's worry about that later. Right now I want to go home.  
  
[And so the Pizza Cats head back to the Pizza Parlor. Fade out.]  
  
[Commercial Break.]  
  
[Our heroes have just arrived back home to find Francine and Jefferson chatting with Chris Logan {Last   
seen in New Millenium #2}.]  
  
Chris: Well, I must say you've done a great job here Francine. You're very business savvy.  
  
Francine [full of false modesty]: Oh, it's not much but thank you anyway. [Elbows a nearly comatose with   
boredom Jefferson to wake him up.]  
  
Chris [rising from his chair]: Ah, I see your friends are finally back. [walks towards them, extending his   
hand to Speedy] Speedy, good to see you again!  
  
Speedy (coldly): Hello, Mr. Logan.  
  
Chris: Oh come on, call me Chris. [turns to Polly] (smoothly) And Polly, a pleasure as always my dear.  
  
Polly [confused]: I'm sorry, do we know each other?  
  
Chris (softly): Oh yes, very well. [pats her on the butt]  
  
Polly [shocked]: YEEEEK!!! [angry] PERVERT! [Punches him hard in the gut. Chris's eyes bug out of his   
head and he flies back across the room, making an impression in the wall.]  
  
Francine: Whoa. Nice shot, Polly!  
  
Speedy [walks over to the barely conscious Chris]: Uh… Chris? Listen it's a long story, but that wasn't   
actually Polly you were talking to last time.  
  
Chris [in great pain]: Let me guess: An old enemy of yours sneaked back into town, kidnapped Polly, and   
created an evil clone of her to take her place and frame her for a string of cat burglaries while attempting to   
bring the team down from the inside?  
  
Speedy [surprised]: Uh, yeah. How'd you know?  
  
Chris [still in pain]: I didn't, it was just a lucky guess. [falls out of the imprint on the wall and collapses on   
the ground.]  
  
Speedy [waves a hand in front of his face]: Chris? Hello?  
  
Francine [nonchalant]: Oh, he'll be fine. [to everyone else] (authoritatively) Ok people, back to work! This   
is a business, not a lounge!  
  
[Grumbling, everybody scatters around the parlor and gets back to work. Enter Lucille and Josie Omitsu.]  
  
Guido [stunned, stops waiting on tables]: Lucille! What are you doing here?  
  
Lucille: I need to talk to you. Are you free?  
  
Guido: Probably. We're not that busy right now. Just let me ask Fran.  
  
Lucille: Ok.  
  
[Guido walks over to Francine to ask her for a break. Up front, Jefferson is nervously trying to strike up a   
conversation w/ Josie.]  
  
Jefferson [very anxious]: Hi, Josie. Uh… wh… what are you doing here?  
  
Josie: Lucille said she needed to come talk to Guido about something. She seemed a little upset, so I   
thought I'd come along for moral support. You know what happens when my little sister gets upset.  
  
Jefferson [laughs nervously]: Heh heh heh heh. [tries to calm down] So… um… Would you like to… I   
mean, are you-  
  
Ruth [interrupting]: Oh… my… GOD! JOSIE! Josie, remember me?  
  
Josie [sees Ruth, runs up to her]: Ruth Esther?! Wow, you look great! Good to see you again!  
  
[Ruth and Josie continue to talk about old times, leaving Jefferson forgotten. The camera pans back to   
Lucille as Guido walks back up.]  
  
Guido: Fran said it's ok. Do you want to talk here, or go someplace more private?  
  
Lucille: Why don't we go for another walk? I could use the fresh air.  
  
Guido: Sounds good.  
  
[Guido waves goodbye to everyone in the parlor and walks out with Lucille. The camera cuts over to   
Speedy, Francine, and Chris. Chris has since recovered from Polly's attack and is now discussing his work   
with Speedy and Fran.]  
  
Speedy: So what exactly do you do, Chris?  
  
Chris: I'm Assistant Subdivision Director of Information Collection Systems at Chronos International.  
  
Speedy [not understanding one word Chris said]: I see.  
  
Chris: Chronos International is a major conglomerate. Basically, I gather information on our subsidiaries   
and other companies the Acquisitions department is interested in.  
  
Francine (curious): Is that why you were asking me so many questions earlier? Is Chronos interested in   
"acquiring" us?  
  
Chris [pauses slightly]: Actually, yes we are.  
  
Speedy [stunned]: WHAT?! You're kidding!  
  
Chris: No, I'm very serious. Look, I've seen how much business this place gets. You guys are too   
successful for your own good. Chronos could help you expand by offering more employees, larger   
facilities, whatever you need.  
  
Speedy: Chris, you know we do more than just make pizzas here. It's no secret what we really do anymore.  
  
Chris: You mean the superhero team. Don't worry, we have plenty of freelance superheroes working for   
Chronos. One of our companies is Elite Operatives, the Krawzun Agency's top competitor.  
  
Speedy: Romeo is the only freelancer here. Our duty is to Little Tokyo, and we can't allow that to be   
compromised by selling out.  
  
Chris: Whoa, calm down Speedy. I wasn't suggesting you guys sell out. [pauses as he changes the subject]   
Anyway, that's not the main reason I'm in Little Tokyo. One of our recent acquisitions, a weapons   
manufacturer called Costanza Enterprises recently relocated here, and I've been sent to handle the   
evaluation.  
  
Speedy [amazed]: Talk about your small worlds.  
  
Chris: Come again?  
  
Speedy: Costanza Enterprises is headed by Don "Fat Bunny" Costanza, who recently became our new   
Prime Minister. He also happens to be the one behind most of the recent mayhem since Seymour Cheese   
was fired from that post.  
  
Chris: That is strange.  
  
Polly [comes barreling out of the kitchen, very angry]: This day just keeps getting better and better. First I   
get sick, then I accidentally maul my husband, then some pervert harasses me, and now I've burnt the   
spinach puffs!  
  
Chris [to Polly, ignoring her tirade]: Hey, by the way Polly, I'm really sorry about earlier. I mean, how   
could I have known-  
  
Polly [interrupting, very angry]: YOU AGAIN! You're already on my list buster, SO DON'T MAKE IT   
WORSE!  
  
Chris [looks at Speedy and Francine's suspicious faces and Polly's angry glare]: Guys, did I do something   
wrong?  
  
[Cut back to Lucille and Guido, as they walk down the street.]  
  
Lucille: I'm glad you were available. I was afraid you wouldn't want to talk to me. [pauses for a moment]   
(apologetic) Guido, I'm so sorry about earlier.  
  
Guido: Don't be. It was my fault.  
  
Lucille [they stop walking]: No, it wasn't. I- I shouldn't have gotten mad at you like that. [tears begin to   
form in her eyes] Please forgive me?  
  
Guido [panicking slightly]: OK, OK, I forgive you! Just don't get upset, OK Lucille?  
  
Lucille [calming down]: O-ok. [takes a deep breath] I called earlier while you guys were out and Francine   
told me what happened. That's why I was so upset. I never wanted to come between you two like that.  
  
Guido (reassuring her): Don't worry, you're not the first girl we ever got into an argument over.   
Personally, I'm more concerned about him coming between us. [pauses] Anyway, you had a right to be   
mad at me. I over-reacted as usual. I'm the one who should be sorry.  
  
Lucille [puts her arms around Guido's neck, and kisses him.]: It's ok, Guido.  
  
[Lucille and Guido continue to kiss for a while. The camera cuts to about an hour later. Guido and Lucille   
stopped in Wally's sushi parlor to get something to eat. They are having a 24-piece sushi platter, which   
they are splitting, and sake` to drink. Guido hungrily pops a California Roll into his mouth.]  
  
Lucille: So, have you spoken to Romeo since your little quarrel?  
  
Guido [swallows the food]: How'd you know about that?  
  
Lucille [grabs a piece of tuna w/ her chopsticks]: I called the parlor while you guys were out. Francine told   
me you two were arguing about something, but she didn't hear what it was. [dips the sushi in some soy   
sauce] I figured it had something to do with me. That's why I was so upset when I came to see you.  
  
Guido: I haven't had a chance to talk to him yet. I was still kind of annoyed at him when we went back to   
the parlor.  
  
Lucille [takes a sip of sake`]: Well, make sure you do. I don't want you two to stay mad at each other   
because of me.  
  
Guido: Look, let's not worry about Romeo right now. Let's just have fun, ok?  
  
Waiter [steps up to the table]: Can I get either of you anything else?  
  
Guido: Yes, I think I'd like some more sake`. What about you, Lucille?  
  
Lucille: Yeah, make that two.  
  
Waiter [nods]: Coming right up!  
  
[The waiter walks off to fill their order. Cut to the pizza parlor, next morning. The cats are once again   
getting ready for the workday. Guido has not returned, much to everyone's irritation. Romeo enters.]  
  
Speedy [wiping a counter]: Romeo, you're here! Great, you can fill in for your delinquent brother.  
  
Romeo: What? You mean he isn't here?  
  
Polly [scowling, getting the cooking utensils out]: As far as we can tell he hasn't been back since he went   
out last night. He's going to be very sorry he got distracted when he gets back. [bends a frying pan in half]  
  
Romeo [gulps]: I see. Well, you guys are obviously busy so I'll just get out of your-  
  
Francine [interrupting, grabbing Romeo by the collar]: Oh no you don't mister! If you want to be a Pizza   
Cat, then you have to take the whole package. That includes working here at the parlor.  
  
Romeo: But I don't have any experience in the service industry!  
  
Francine: Then you better be a fast learner!  
  
[Romeo continues to struggle in vain as Francine drags him into the kitchen. Ruth watches them go, then   
sighs to herself.]  
  
Ruth [concerned]: Guido… I hope you're ok.  
  
[Cut to Lucille's house, exterior shot. The day passes into night and into the next day. Cut to inside.   
Lucille is lying in bed, half-asleep, in a blue nightie. She rolls over and hears a muffled groan. She raises   
her head and sees Guido laying beside her, also half-awake. Looking over at her alarm clock, which also   
shows the date, she gasps in shock.]  
  
Lucille [shaking Guido]: Guido, wake up! We missed an entire day!  
  
Guido [lifts his head, looks at the clock and realizes what day it is]: S[CENSORED]! I'm thirty-seven   
hours late for work! The guys are gonna kill me! [leaps out of the bed, turns to Lucille and kisses her]   
Love ya, Lucille. See you Friday?  
  
Lucille: Can't. I'm going shopping.  
  
Guido: Ok, I'll call you then. See ya.   
  
[Guido dashes to the door. Cut back to the parlor, where business is once again in full swing.]  
  
Francine [to Speedy]: You don't think something happened to him, do you?  
  
Speedy: I'm sure he's fine, Francine. Guido can take care of himself. There's nothing to worry about.   
[turns away, looking worried] I hope…  
  
[The phone rings. Jefferson answers it.]  
  
Jefferson: Samurai Pizza Cats. Pizza's our middle name! [pause] Oh, hi Al! Let me guess, ninja crows?   
[pause] Thought so. [pause] Well, THAT is different. Don't worry, we're on it. Jeff out. [hangs up] Hey   
guys, it's that time again!  
  
Speedy: Is ABC having another "Whose Line is it Anyway?" marathon?  
  
Jefferson: No, you idiot! Ninja crows are on the attack! And they're getting gutsy too: Big Al says they're   
heading for the Royal Palace.  
  
Polly: How many are there this time?  
  
Jefferson: About eighteen.  
  
Francine: Ok. Speedy, Polly, Romeo and GB, you guys go handle the crows. Ruth, Jeff and I will take care   
of things here and keep an eye out incase Guido shows up.  
  
Speedy: Sounds good. Let's move out!  
  
[Cut straight to the cannon firing off three shots. After a few moments, the flames of the fireballs die away   
to reveal Speedy, Polly, and Romeo {whose fireball was still blue, even though his armor is black} who   
catch up to flying GB.]  
  
GB: You're not scared of heights, are you Romeo?  
  
Romeo [nervous]: It's not so much the heights, it's falling from them.  
  
Speedy: What about the other laws of physics?  
  
Romeo: Such as?  
  
[The three cats {but not GB} slam into a wall.]  
  
Speedy (in pain): Momentum.  
  
Romeo (same): I was fine with it up to that point.  
  
Polly (same): Oh really? What a shame.  
  
[The three of them slide slowly down the wall. GB is waiting for them at the bottom.]  
  
GB: Guys, this is no time to be lying around. We got ninja crows to fight!  
  
All 3 [in unison]: Shut up, GB.  
  
[Never-the-less, the cats leap to their feet moments later.]  
  
Speedy: Well, where are they? Don't tell me they just disappeared.  
  
GB [points to a shady spot by the Palace]: There they are, hiding in the shadows. They're launching sneak   
attacks to take out the palace guards. The other attacks must've been a diversion.  
  
Polly: What do we do? If we don't stop them soon, the Palace will be left undefended.  
  
Speedy: No time to think of a decisive plan. Let's just go for a full frontal assault. [The others nod in   
agreement.] Ready? Let's go!  
  
[The four of them dash towards the crows hiding spot. They get there just in time to prevent another guard   
from being ambushed. The guard turns at the sound of the struggle and finally notices the crows getting the   
pants beaten off of them by Speedy and the others. One crow with which Romeo is fighting manages to   
momentarily get the upper hand by tossing a flashbomb, temporarily blinding him. Taking advantage of   
the situation, the crow grabs Romeo's sword and makes a run for it.]  
  
Romeo [blinking as his vision returns]: Hey! Come back here with that! [runs after the crow.]  
  
Speedy: Rom, wait up! [He and the others try to follow but the remaining crows block their way and slow   
them down. By the time they break through, Romeo and the other crow are gone.]  
  
[Cut back to the Pizza Parlor. As promised Fran, Ruth, and Jeff, are handling the customers. Suddenly,   
Guido comes bursting into the parlor.]  
  
Guido: It's ok, I'm alive! [pleading] Please don't kill me!  
  
Francine (relieved): Guido, you're back! Are you ok?  
  
Guido [a little surprised Fran's not angry]: Yeah, I'm fine.  
  
Ruth: We thought you might've been kidnapped or you were in the hospital.  
  
Guido: No, I'm ok. I was with Lucille.  
  
Jefferson: Aha! I knew it all along!  
  
Guido: Shut up, Jeff. [to Fran] Where are the others?  
  
[Francine gives Guido the news. Cut back to Romeo. He follows the crow all across Little Tokyo, finally   
arriving at the secret lair of Fat Bunny Costanza.]  
  
Romeo [cornering the crow]: I want my sword back, featherhead!  
  
FB [in the shadows]: Go ahead, give it back to him. It won't do him any good.  
  
[After a slight hesitation, the crow tosses Romeo his sword. Romeo catches it by the handle, as FB steps   
out of the shadows.]  
  
FB: Do you know whom I am, Mr. Anchovy?  
  
Romeo: Yeah, I know. You're the slimeball who took over for Seymour Cheese.  
  
FB: There's no need to get insulting, Mr. Anchovy. I've been watching you for a while, and I'm impressed   
with your skill. I want you to come work for me.  
  
Romeo: I don't work for scum. I'm a HERO for hire, not an immoral mercenary.  
  
FB: You misunderstand. That wasn't a request.  
  
[FB sprays a can of chloroform at Romeo. In an instant, Romeo falls to the ground unconscious.]  
  
FB: You're going to help me, Mr. Anchovy, whether you want to or not. [to the Crow] Tie him up in the   
back room and bring me his helmet. I'm going to make a few modifications.  
  
[Cut back to the Pizza Parlor. Speedy and the others have just arrived home after attempting a search for   
Romeo. GB has returned to waiting on tables w/ Jeff, and Ruth is out on delivery. Having heard the reason   
for Guido's disappearance, Speedy is surprisingly annoyed. He and Polly are confronting him, with   
Francine coming to his defense.]  
  
Speedy [upset] (agitated): Nice going, Anchovy. While you were out knocking boots with Lucille we had a   
potentially major crisis here!  
  
Guido (annoyed): Oh, give me a break Speedy. Ninja Crows don't constitute a potentially major crisis, not   
even a couple dozen of them.  
  
Speedy: When they're that close to the palace, they do. Besides, your brother still hasn't made it back yet.  
  
Francine: Speedy, why don't you just cut him a break! He feels bad enough about Romeo.  
  
Speedy: Well, he should've been there! You've never seen me get distracted like that.  
  
Polly [clears her throat]: Speedy, what about the time you-  
  
Speedy [interrupting]: That's beside the point. Anyway, I've always come through in combat situations.  
  
Guido [snaps]: Well, so have I! I have always been there for you guys. This is the one and only time I've   
slipped, and now my brother is missing because of it. I don't need you to tell me how badly I screwed up!  
  
[Guido storms back to his room, with Francine following. Polly turns to Speedy.]  
  
Polly: Nice going.  
  
Speedy: What? I would think you'd be a little more supportive. You never cut me any slack when I fell   
down on the job with the Pizza Parlor.  
  
Polly: Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm annoyed with him too. But I also agree with them that he doesn't need   
any additional grief from us. He's already worried sick about his brother.  
  
Speedy [sighs]: Yeah, well, now he knows how I felt when he was missing.  
  
Polly [sympathetic]: Oh Speedy, is that what this is all about?  
  
Speedy (depressed): Yeah. Guido's one of my best friends, and I've known him since we were kittens. I   
know I didn't look worried earlier, but after what happened to you last month {"Episode 2: The Stranger"}   
I was terrified at what might've happened.  
  
[Polly hugs Speedy tightly and is about to say something comforting, when the doors open and Romeo   
walks in. He appears to be fine, if slightly dazed.]  
  
GB: Romeo! What happened, where were you?  
  
Romeo [confused]: I- I don't remember. I can't remember anything. I was following the crow to try and   
get my sword back and then- I was standing in front of the parlor.  
  
GB: Weird. Maybe you should sit down.  
  
Ruth: I'll go get Guido and Fran.  
  
[Romeo sits down at a table and Ruth walks back to Guido's room. Cut to FB's secret lab. Elliot is   
overseeing the construction of a new robot, when FB comes to check on the progress.]  
  
FB [walks up to Elliot]: So Elliot, is everything ready for tonight?  
  
Elliot: Absolutely. I'd thought we'd start off with soup and a light salad and then see how we feel after   
that.  
  
FB: Not the dinner, you fool! The robot!  
  
Elliot: Oh, of course. It should be ready momentarily. And what about our friend Romeo Anchovy?  
  
FB: I outfitted his helmet with a special mindcontrol chip, provided by our good friends at Chronos   
International. While the cats are busy dealing with the mechanized monstrosity, I'll activate the chip and   
he'll turn on them!  
  
Elliot: And then, with a little luck, we'll be rid of those pesky pizza cats in time for ABC's Whose Line is it   
Anyway marathon!  
  
FB: You're much to fond of that Drew Carey, Elliot. [pause] I must go now. I have pressing business at the   
palace. Just alert me when the robot is finished.  
  
Elliot: As you wish, your Fatness.  
  
[FB leaves and Elliot turns back to the building of the robot. Cut back to the parlor, later that night. The   
cats are closing up the parlor for the night. Romeo seems to be fully recovered, but is still sitting at the   
table silently. He looks up to see his brother Guido coming over to the table.]  
  
Guido: Hey, are you sure you're all right?  
  
Romeo: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm a little pissed that I can't remember anything, but other than that I'm fine.  
  
Guido [uneasy]: Good. [pause] Listen, I'm sorry about getting burned up the other day. You know, before   
I, uh, went out.  
  
Romeo: Oh, don't worry about it. You had a right. I stepped over the line.  
  
Guido [agreeing]: Yeah, you did, but I forgive you. Anyway, I still think I over-reacted. [extends his hand]   
So, are we friends again?  
  
Romeo [takes his hand]: Of course. [Guido and Romeo shake, and then give each other one-armed,   
brotherly hugs. After a moment, they pull away and are quiet. Finally, Romeo breaks the silence.] So, if   
you're determined to hang on to Lucille, can I have Francine?  
  
Guido [chuckles]: Man, you never quit, do you?  
  
Romeo [same]: Nope.  
  
[Cut over to Speedy and Polly.]  
  
Speedy: Nice to see those two are getting along again.  
  
Polly: Yeah. Maybe you should take a hint from Guido.  
  
Speedy [sighs and looks at her]: I was kinda rough on him earlier, wasn't I?  
  
Polly: Just a little.  
  
[Speedy pauses for a moment, then kisses Polly on the forehead and walks over towards Guido. Before he   
can say anything to him though, the front of the restaurant explodes inward. Stunned, everyone inside   
looks out at a 12-foot tall robot that resembles a bulging muscled, spiked back bat winged demon. Smoke   
bellows from its nose and mouth, and in two of its hands it grasped a fiery pitchfork.]  
  
Speedy [picking himself off the floor]: What the devil?  
  
Guido: This must be Don Costanza's doing. Seymour doesn't have the funds for something this   
extravagant right now.  
  
Polly [rushes over]: Certainly gutsy of him to try and attack us in our own headquarters! [The three of them   
scatter as the robot tosses its pitchfork, which explodes when it hits the spot they were standing. In an   
instant, a new pitchfork materializes in its hand. Polly helps Speedy up.] Are you ok?  
  
Speedy [as the others rush over]: Yeah, I'm fine. [to everyone] Come on guys. Let's teach this bag of hot   
air what happens when you mess with the Pizza Cats on their home turf!  
  
Others: Right!  
  
[The group scatters around the devil-bot and one by one begins to rush towards it and attack it. The devil-  
bot exchanges its pitchfork for a large fiery sword and manages to parry most of the cats' attacks, even as   
they begin to team up on it. When at last it seems as though they are about to overpower it, the robot lets   
loose a fiery nova blast, which spreads from its body like an explosion. The intense attack drives our   
heroes back and sets most of what's left of the parlor on fire.]  
  
Francine [standing up, surveying the devastation] (upset): DAMN IT! That thing's destroying everything!  
  
GB: What are we going to do? We can't get past that thing, and we'll be roasted if we stay here.  
  
Romeo: Looks like that last blast took a lot out of it. Can you guys keep it busy while I charge up my   
finisher?  
  
Guido: Depends on how long you need, bro.  
  
Romeo: Not long. Just make sure I get a clear shot when I'm ready.  
  
Speedy: Ok, here's what we're gonna do. Polly, Guido, Fran, and myself will keep that thing distracted,   
and see how much damage we can do. Romeo, you get charged and ready to finish that thing off. Ruth,   
you and Jeff see if you can get to the fire extinguisher before this blaze gets really out of control. GB,   
while we're dealing with the devil-bot, you fly as fast as you can to Spritz's place and get him back here   
quick, cause the fire extinguisher probably won't be enough.  
  
Others: Got it.  
  
Speedy: Ok. Polly, Guido, Fran, we're up first! Ready… go! [Everybody disperses to do their job.]  
  
[Speedy charges at the robot with his sword raised. As he reaches it he delivers a powerful slash, but the   
robot blocks it with his sword. Speedy continues to attack in front while Guido flips over the robot's head   
and slashes at him from behind. Guido scores a few hits on the robot's unprotected backside, but its thick   
armor absorbs most of the attacks. Polly and Fran go for opposite sides, each running up a non-flaming   
portion of the wall and then pushing off towards the robot. Upon reaching it they slash it, the momentum   
of the falls adding to the force of their attacks. Two large gashes appear in the robot's armor where they   
struck, and all four cats begin to focus their attacks on these weak spots, slowly wearing it down.]  
  
[While Speedy and the others continue their assaults, Romeo prepares his finisher. He holds his longer   
samurai sword straight up in the air and his shorter sword horizontally against the longer one, forming a   
cross. White energy begins to flow around the crossed swords, building with each moment. Finally, as the   
energy reaches critical mass, he lowers the swords so that the longer one points at the robot, keeping them   
crossed.]  
  
Romeo [shouting]: Ok guys, clear a path! [The Speedy and the others look back briefly at Romeo, then do   
as he says.] HOLY CROSS CUT!   
  
[Scraping the swords together, Romeo releases the cross-shaped blast at the robot. Although the robot only   
appears to be demonic, the blast has the same effect on it one would imagine it would have on a real   
demon: it blows it back to hell. In moments there is nothing left but a smoking crater.]  
  
Speedy [low whistle]: Nice move Rom.  
  
Romeo [coughs]: Thanks, Speedy. Now how about we get out of here before we die from smoke   
inhalation?  
  
Guido [also coughs]: Good idea. Jeff, Ruth, are you guys doing ok with the fire extinguisher?  
  
Ruth: **cough** It's no good, Guido! **cough, cough** The fire's spreading **hack** to quickly!  
  
Polly: Just clear away some flames from around the door! That way we can get out!  
  
[Ruth and Jeff manage to extinguish the flames near the doors just long enough for everyone to escape.   
Once outside, they stare dejectedly at the inferno.]  
  
Jefferson [comforting Fran] (concerned): Are you ok?  
  
Francine: I'll be fine, Jeff. [turns back to the parlor, depressed] What do we do now?  
  
Speedy: There's nothing we can do. We just have to hope GB gets back with Spritz before everything is   
destroyed.  
  
Polly: At least everyone's ok.  
  
[Speedy nods in agreement and hugs Polly. Cut to FB's hideout, where FB and Elliot are watching the   
scene on a video monitor. FB has a remote control device in his hand. The monitor focuses in on Romeo.]  
  
Elliot: Now, sir?  
  
FB: Yes, Elliot. [presses the button] Now.  
  
[The scene quickly cuts back to the cats, with Romeo standing beside his brother. A split second later he   
clutches his head and howls in agony.]  
  
Guido [caught off guard]: What the- Rom, what's wrong? Rom! Romeo!  
  
[Romeo falls to his knees, still clutching his head. Guido goes over to him to see what's wrong. The others   
gather around to see what the heck is going on. As Guido leans over to see if his brother is ok, Romeo   
seems to recover. Then, without warning, he stabs Guido in the side with his sword. Guido opens his   
mouth as if to shout, but no sound comes out. Shocked, and in pain, he slumps to the ground. The others   
stare in horror. Ruth is the first to snap out of it.]  
  
Ruth [dashing towards Romeo, her sword raised]: Bastard! He's your brother!  
  
[Ruth slashes at him with her sword, but he effortlessly blocks her. With a powerful counterstrike, he   
knocks her unconscious. Speedy struggles to hold Polly back, when Romeo turns to the rest of the group.   
They assume their battle poses, ready to take him on. However, before Romeo can attack a powerful spray   
of water knocks him to the ground. Looking up, Speedy and the others see Spritz being carried towards the   
scene by GB.]  
  
Spritz [to Speedy as he and GB land]: What's up with him? We saw him attack Guido and Ruth.  
  
Speedy: I don't know, he just went berzerk. Can you handle the fire, before it gets out of control?  
  
Spritz [looking at the blaze]: It might be a little late for that, but I'll see what I can do.  
  
[Spritz turns on the water jets and lets loose on the fire. In a few minutes (much quicker than anticipated   
actually) the blaze is under control and moments later it's out. Speedy and the others stare at the burnt husk   
of the parlor, wondering if it can be repaired and how much, if any, of their personal possessions survived.   
They don't stare very long, however, for Romeo has recovered and rises to his feet.]  
  
Speedy: I don't know what's come over you, Romeo, but you're going to pay for hurting Guido!  
  
Romeo [in a french accent]: I'm afraid not today, Cerviche! We shall meet again, and next time none of   
you shall escape. Until then, adieu Pizza Cats!   
  
[Romeo tosses down a flashbomb and disappears. The remaining Pizza Cats look at each other, puzzled.]  
  
GB: What's with the french accent?  
  
Speedy: Don't ask me. Come on, we need to get Guido and Ruth to a hospital. Somebody call an   
ambulance.  
  
[Cut to Little Tokyo General Hospital. Speedy and the others are talking with a doctor outside Guido's   
room.]  
  
Doctor: Your friend is very lucky that no vital organs were pierced, but he has lost a lot of blood. It'll   
probably be about two or three weeks before he's healed enough to be discharged. We'll give him   
something for the pain in a little bit and after that he'll probably want to get some sleep.  
  
Polly: What about my sister? Is she ok?  
  
Doctor 1: Ah yes, Ruth Esther. She's suffered a mild concussion, nothing serious. However, she had a   
little bit of trouble taking our advice on getting some rest.  
  
[Cut to Ruth's room. Ruth is trying to get to the door, but is being held back by about four nurses and three   
doctors.]  
  
Ruth [enraged]: LET ME AT HIM! WHERE'S THAT BASTARD ROMEO! I'LL KILL HIM, I'LL   
KILL HIM! LET ME GO!  
  
Nurse 1 [rushing in the room with a needle]: I've got the sedative, doctor!  
  
Doctor 2: Don't just stand there you fool, bomb her! [The nurse runs over and injects Ruth.]  
  
Ruth: I'LL KILL HIM! LET ME AT HIM! HE [starts getting drowsy] won't get away with this… Let   
me go… I'll get him… Let me go… Why are you all spinning…? [Falls asleep.]  
  
[Cut back to Polly]  
  
Polly: Ruth always was very stubborn. I'm sorry if she was any trouble.  
  
Doctor: We've had worse. Though not in recent memory… We'll be giving Mr. Anchovy his medicine   
soon, so if you want to see him before he gets tired you should do so now.  
  
[Speedy nods and enters the room with Polly and Fran. Guido is lying on his side, in bed and in a lot of   
pain.]  
  
Guido [grimacing]: Hi guys.  
  
Speedy, Polly, and Fran [in unison]: Hi.  
  
Speedy: Are you ok?  
  
Guido: Yeah, it only hurts when I look at pretty girls. Unfortunately, the nurse is a knockout.  
  
Polly [smiling]: Nice to see you're keeping a sense of humor.  
  
Speedy: By the way, has anyone called Lucille?  
  
Francine: I did. I heard an explosion on the other end of the line when I told her, but other than that she   
seemed to take it well. [to Guido] She said she was sorry, but she can't make it to the hospital until later   
this week.  
  
Guido: I'll wait for her. I've got nothing else to do.  
  
[The nurse enters with a syringe.]  
  
Nurse: Ok, Mr. Anchovy. Time to take your medicine.  
  
Guido [annoyed]: Finally. Just give me the stuff, I'm in pain here.  
  
[Ignoring him, the nurse puts the medicine in his IV pump.]  
  
Francine [to Speedy and Polly]: Why don't you guys find a hotel to stay at, like Jefferson did. I'm gonna   
stay here with Guido tonight.  
  
Speedy: Ok, Fran. I guess we'll see you tomorrow.  
  
[Speedy and Polly exit. A short while later we see Speedy at a pay phone, making a reservation at a hotel.   
Eventually he hangs up and looks around for Polly. He finally finds her at the infancy ward, looking at the   
babies.]  
  
Speedy [walks up behind her]: What's up, Pol? Something on your mind?  
  
Polly: Oh, not really. I was just looking at these babies, thinking about what it would be like if we had one.  
  
Speedy [surprised]: I never knew you were so maternal. Do you really think you want kids?  
  
Polly: I don't know. Maybe someday. I'm not sure how that would work out now, with us as Pizza Cats.  
  
Speedy [smiling]: Well, maybe someday when the city no longer needs us, I'll see what I can do.  
  
Polly [playfully punches him]: You little pervert! Let's get out of here, this place is giving you ideas.  
  
[Laughing, the two of them make their way to the elevator. Pause on the babies in the ward.]  
  
[Fade Out]  
  
  
In the next episode of SPC: New Millenium  
  
Seven [said over footage of Guido checking out of the hospital]: With Guido still recovering from his   
injuries and the pizza parlor in charred ruins, the Pizza Cats are in desperate need of a vacation. [shot of the   
cats meeting with Big Al] Fortunately, they are about to get one as Big Al makes arraingements for our   
heroes to have a little R&R, courtesy of their western counterparts the New York Pizza Cats.  
  
[Shot of Speedy and the others being met by the NYPC at the airport.]  
  
Sundance: Howdy guys! Welcome back to the Big Apple.  
  
Seven [shot of FB and Elliot in NY]: Unfortunately for both clans of cats, Fat Bunny soon arrives in New   
York to strike an alliance with Seymour Cheese's cousin: Sir Chester Cheddar, the arch nemisis of the   
NYPC. [Cut to Sir Chester Cheddar shaking hands w/ FB {Sir Chester Cheddar resembles his cousin, but in   
a business suit, w/ a mustache and monocle.}] Together, the two villains hatch a sinister conspiracy with   
the shadowy Chronos International that they hope will spell doom for both teams of heroes. [Cut to   
assorted scenes of the SPC and NYPC walking around New York.] Meanwhile, unaware of the danger   
lurking ahead, the Samurai Pizza Cats attempt to relax and enjoy themselves. [Shot of Francine talking   
with her old boyfriend Bucky, and then with Guido.] Little do they know that they themselves are setting   
into motion events that will change their lives forever.  
  
[Shot of Guido and Francine, on the dance floor of a club, dancing to the chorus of Don Henley's New York   
Minute.]  
  
Join the Samurai Pizza Cats as they discover for themselves just how much can change, in A New York   
Minute, Episode 5 of SPC: New Millenium.   
  
Guest Voices  
  
Scott Cerviche- Wayne Knight  
  
Walter Massey- Guru Lou  
  
Chris Logan- Kevin Kline  
  
  
Regular Cast Voices  
  
Speedy Cerviche/ GB/ Meowzma O'Tool- Rick Jones  
  
Guido Anchovy/ Spritz T. Cat/ Bat Cat/ Jerry Atric- Terrance Scammel  
  
Polly Esther/ Polly Andry- Sonja Ball  
  
Francine/ Carla- Pauline Little  
  
Ruth Esther- Lori Petty  
  
Al Dente`/ General Catton- A.J. Henderson  
  
Princess Violet/Lucille Omitsu- Susanne Glover  
  
Seymour "Big Cheese" Cheese- Dean Hagopian  
  
Don "Fat Bunny" Costanza- Ted Lewis  
  
Elliot Durly- John Mahoney  
  
Romeo Anchovy- Rob Paulson  
  
Josie Omitsu- Jackie Farrel  
  
Jefferson Manx- Ted McGinley  



End file.
